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sissymaidlola -> RE: About Sissies: Observations (3/1/2005 12:21:15 PM)
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quote:
Hi dani, sissy just posted this to his journal today and it's probably also pertinent as a post in your thread too ...
Humiliation and Transvestitism
The following are some thoughts sissy has had about how he first became a transvestite; how his transvestitism is related to his sexuality and sexual desire; how his transvestitism fits into the spectrum of transgenderism; how his transvestitism is related to a need for humiliation, to be vulnerable, and to submit; and how the sissy maid image significantly notches up all of the dynamics involved in the foregoing. This doesn't mean sissy doesn't also derive all that everybody else derives from vanilla sexual situations. All of that works for him too. Being a sissy isn't an alternative to being a masculine male as some on these boards would suggest, it is rather a way that a masculine male can get an even bigger charge from intimacy (which covers both sexual encounters and BDSM scenes or sessions) than he gets from those same situations when he is just his normal masculine alpha male self.
The sissy thing is very much related to the dynamics of BDSM since, as an alpha male, women normally submit to him. This particular masculine male associates sissification with his ability to fully experience true total submission, and his hottest sexual fantasies are based around both of these concepts ... submission and sissification. Having said that, it doesn't mean that he might never be able to achieve total subspace without these aids. They may be currently serving him as crutches, and a loving relationship with the right Domme might enable him to walk without crutches.
The other problem here is separating what can actually be done in real life from what makes for hot and heavy (but unachievable) fantasy. The reality-fantasy demarcation makes much that is theoretically very erotic from possibly being achieved in real life. For example, the ultimate sissy fantasy involves, amongst other things, living full time fully depilated and in petticoats, possibly in corsets and with developed breasts (i.e., as a shemale). These are all turn-offs to even the most trans-loving (non-transphobic) Women and possibly reduce the pool of possible Female mates for sissy to the empty set.
Additionally, sissy would have to forego many of his male privileges in such a severely sissified situation; privileges such as working in the male work place as a male, and pursuing typically male sports and activities, that he is not willing to give up (reduce in frequency, yes, but not completely abandon). As a transvestite, sissy can crossdress at the weekends, and return back to being an alpha male during the week, but he cannot be a shemale on evenings and weekends only. Tightlaced corset training is a 24/7 proposition ... you cannot do that only on weekends (but you can wear corsets as fetish wear). Full body depilation is the biggest problem ... nobody likes a hairy sissy, but women also enjoy masculine body hair. You cannot oscillate between masculine male (with appropriate body hair) and soft, smooth sissy. Then there is the eyebrow thing ...
Consequently, it has to be one thing or the other. One can only be a full time sissy if one is a transsexual (TS) or transgendered (TG) male with gender dysphoria. But TS/TG males normally are not into the humiliation aspect which for sissy, as a fetishistic transvestite (TV), is key to the D/s dynamics that he seeks. Now read on ...
Humiliation and Cross Emotional Imprinting
One of the explanations proffered by psychologists for why people crave humiliation as adults is that they were humiliated as children / teenagers when they craved affection. Two specific example scenarios of how this cross emotional imprinting would work come immediately to mind:
(A) The parent or guardian that a small child looks up to and effectively worships (normally the child's natural mother or father, but it could be a surrogate for either of those, such as a nanny) that for some reason frequently humiliates the child when the child comes to them for affection, so the child learns to accept humiliation instead of the affection it originally sought. Humiliating attention is better than no attention at all. In later adult life, that person will now always associate (and demand) receiving humiliation from the people s/he feels the most affection for and from whom s/he seeks that affection reciprocated).
(B) The young teenager (still pubescent) that is humiliatingly rejected by someone that is the focus of their sexual desire so that this treatment imprints upon them in such a way that they then come to inextricably associate humiliation with that sexual passion, and in such a way that each emotion can trigger the other. That is, in later adult life, receipt of humiliation from somebody will normally trigger the sexual desire, and similarly, the presence of the sexual desire will usually cause that person to seek to be humiliated.
Transvestitism and Sexual Arousal Cross Stimuli Imprinting
There are clearly other possible scenarios. In the case of the fetishistic transvestite (TV), one possible situation is a variant of scenario (B) above. The young male teenager (still pubescent), while feeling horny, becomes more curious about the kind of things that make him feel so deliciously horny, such as visual images of not obviously attainable sexy females displaying their enticing sexuality in various modes of female fashions that are unique to the female gender. If presented with an opportunity of seclusion and the availability of female apparel - usually his mother's or an older sister's - his curiosity may get the better of him, and he will start to explore first hand some of the most basic things that in his mind make the female so alluring - e.g., lingerie, foundation garments, dresses, high heels, stockings, makeup, etc. The following three factors are almost always involved:
(1) A good deal of risk in being caught while doing this, so the heart pounds and the adrenaline rushes as he does it.
(2) He is visually and tactually rewarded. The female clothing that he is most likely to associate with the heart and total essence of femininity (such as bra, panties, garter belts, heels, etc.) that he is so curious and at pains to discover and explore, are all designed to make the wearer feel very sexy (with both visual and tactile qualities).
(3) He gets sexually stimulated. He was already feeling very horny (he is, after all, a pubescent teenager with raging hormones, and no outlet for this sexual tension) to start with, which is why he was thinking about girls and the alluring clothes they wear in the first place, and therefore why he was motivated to risk all in order to carpe diem and further research first hand the source of his recurring allure to, and obsession with, the fairer sex.
A Triple Source of Pleasure
Exposure to high risk and/or dangerous circumstances - such as parachute jumping, bungy cord jumping, mountaineering, scuba diving, driving fast cars, etc. - where one goes out on the edge and pushes the envelope, is usually also a source of sexual stimulation, so reason (1) above would, by itself, be enough to count as a highly sexual situation. But taken together with reasons (2) and (3) above, and the TV's first forays into exploring the source of his passion for women become sexual sensory overload and highly rewarding as an activity.
Anyone who enjoys sex in public places will fully appreciate the importance of the "danger factor" - reason (1) - in taking what is already a highly erotic activity - wearing sexy female clothes and, because one is also feeling very horny, thinking intensely about the women that wear such clothes - to a completely sublime level of excitement. The "danger factor" becomes the hook that draws the TV in to his crossdressing kink even more so than the rewards of the clothes themselves - reason (2) - and the state of sexual tension or horniness that he achieves once he is there - reason (3). In reality, simply the thought of what he is about to do is usually enough to make the TV horny, and reasons (2) and (3) are then added kickers.
The triple source of excitement for the TV can actually be more intense for him than a vanilla sexual encounter with a woman, which although that has the advantage of providing the added tease and stimuli that can only occur with the "real experience" (versus the imagined or fantasized encounter of reason (3) above), it still may lack the other two sources of excitement. For many TVs, their first excursion into crossdressing may have left more of an vividly exciting psychological impact on them than their first sexual encounter (i.e., losing their virginity).
Self-Humiliation and Fetishistic Transvestitism
For the TV, the humiliation aspect does not come from being rejected (or being treated in some other humiliating manner) by someone that is a focus of their ardor as it does in scenario (B) above, but is self-inflicted by the very nature of the proclivity that he is indulging. As much rewarding sexual sensory overload as the early TV may be receiving from reasons (1) through (3), he also knows at the back of his mind that he shouldn't be doing this, that it shouldn't be turning him on so much, and the fact that it does probably means that there is something wrong with him.
All the time the TV is crossdressing and enjoying it, even just within the confines of his own room or closet, his own conscience is verbally humiliating him, telling him how stupid, abnormal and perverted, etc. he is for doing what he is doing. The fact that the pubescent teenage TV experiences both profound sexual sensory overload, together with intense self-inflicted humiliation, means that, as in scenario (B) above, both of these emotions will be imprinted together on his psyche and then become, for the remainder of his adult life, inextricably associated with each other, and in such a manner that the occurrence of either emotion (i.e., humiliation or sexual arousal) will usually trigger the subsequent need for the other.
In many cases, the TV's self-humiliation is not confined to, or only instigated, by actually being crossdressed. This sissy knows from his own personal experience that he can get very horny just by thinking about the fact that he knows he enjoys wearing Women's clothing and appropriately deporting and disposing himself, when so dressed, in front of others, particularly the general public. That is, just ruminating about the fact that he knows he is, at heart, a mincing sissy boy, and that because of the social construction of gender in our culture, this makes him a laughing stock in the minds of many people (i.e., all those that do not understand the dynamics that are at play here), becomes a real turn-on for lola. In other words, lola can get sexually aroused just by thinking about the fact that he is a "real sissy" - the dark and dirty little secret that only he knows (with the exception of a few close female lovers to whom he has revealed his TV side).
A Definition of Terminology
Some definition of terminology is needed at this juncture (and, note, other people's use of this same terminology will vary). What lola means here by the term "real sissy" is a male that enjoys being seen as being a male in a dress (and is therefore a potential object of ridicule) rather than a gender dysphoric male - such as a transsexual (TS) or transgendered (TG) male - whose primary desire is to be able to function in society according to his real mental gender. The mental gender of a TG/TS male is female, and his crossdressing is a means to achieving that end for him. In contrast, the TV's mental gender is male and his crossdressing is primarily an end in itself.
Probably every TS and TG male has been called a transvestite at some point in their lives because they crossdressed (the terms TV and CD being incorrectly used synonymously here), but not every TV has gender dysphoric issues and is therefore NOT TG or TS. For a TG/TS male, passing as a real member of the female sex is of primary importance for him, and the humiliation associated with being 'made' is anathema to him. There are TVs that feel exactly the same way about passing when en femme, as well as the humiliation associated with failing to do so, but they have no long term need to live life as a woman full time (i.e., to permanently transition like the TG and TS male does). And then there is the "real sissy" TV that enjoys the humiliation of being 'made' and recognized as a man wearing a dress.
Fetishistic Transvestitism versus Transgenderism
Humiliation (at least regarding gender role) has little or no place in the lives of those transgendered (TS/TG/TV) males that simply want to shed their maleness and only be thought of and, (and this is crucial) accepted as being female (even if it's only for the short duration of being en femme in the case of the TV). For the sissy TV, the humiliation associated with being recognized by others as being a man in a dress is a key factor to being able to achieve his submissive state of mind. For the clichéd alpha male that is used to being fairly dominant in his vanilla life, having to behave submissively is humiliating, so the two dynamics feed off of each other.
The humiliation is not derived from the fact that these TVs are essentially male chauvinists that think Women are inferior, or misogynists that despise Women, because heterosexual TVs usually adore Women and ultimately just want to submit to Them and be consumed by Them. The humiliation is derived from the fact that they are being treated as sissies and referred to as sissies by Women that they really fancy (i.e., have strong Feminine power over them) which totally emasculates them and removes (or transfers) all the power that they have "divine right" to in a patriarchal / paternalistic western culture. The emasculation and disenfranchisement from their inherent masculine or male power (let's call this "male depowerment") makes them totally vulnerable, and it is vulnerability that leads to submission. Women are usually more submissive than men in the context of vanilla society because they are ultimately more vulnerable in a patriarchal culture.
Humiliation, Vulnerability and Submission
Twist this patriarchal culture around, and put a male in a dress in front of a very Feminine Woman or Domme, and tease and taunt him for being a sissy, and he becomes completely emasculated and depowered, and therefore feels very vulnerable and consequently falls into submission to the forces around him. One of the biggest transvestite fantasies is to have to serve a group of Women when crossdressed ... normally articulated as the fantasy where the sissy maid serves at the tea party. The reason for this fantasy imagery being so powerful for the submissive TV is that if being dressed as a French maid in front of one secure Feminine Lady completely emasculates and depowers him, then being in the same predicament in front of a whole bunch of such Women appropriately compounds the humiliation / vulnerability / submission. The sissy maid role is itself a double humiliation over simply being dressed in female clothing for the submissive TV. For a male that functions as, say, a corporate CEO in his vanilla life, to have to don the raiment of one of the most clearly defined servile roles (with instantly recognizable uniforms and mannerisms such as curtseys) adds another dimension again to the humiliation / vulnerability / submission dynamics.
Never underestimate the extreme power transfer dynamics involved with the sissy maid tea party, particularly if the Ladies involved are experienced Dommes who know exactly how to taunt and tease their sissy server and keep him fully aware of his total vulnerability (i.e., in subspace) in this particular environment. Having to serve as one of a group of sissy maids in this context is even more humiliating again as it objectifies the sissy still further and prevents him from becoming an attention seeker in his submission ... or to put it a better way, it makes each sissy maid involved have to compete (a natural instinct for every male) against all the other sissies for any Domme's attention by the sheer quality of his servility and obedience. The net effect is that every sissy maid serving at such an event becomes even more focused on his docile submission, meek servility and total obedience by having to compete on these terms.
sissy maid lola
[image]local://upfiles/21203/7550AAD373274EA8911F0BC3852D002C.jpg[/image]
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