Life Lessons..

Life Lessons.. (Full Version)

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willing2serve -> Life Lessons.. (2/27/2005 7:34:34 PM)
What life lessons have you been taught through the scope of bdsm? Has your Dominant or Submissive been instrumental in your learning? Respectfully, Willng2serve1

LadyAngelika -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/27/2005 7:42:18 PM)
That I can teach an old dog new tricks... <weg> Seriously, I feel that discovering and living out my dominant facet has enabled me to be an overall more well-rounded human being in all aspects of my life. - LA

newflowers -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/27/2005 8:03:01 PM)
Learning not to hide from myself was the most important lesson that enabled growth in many other areas. newflowers

GentleLady -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/27/2005 8:10:17 PM)
Good question and I am sure you will get some fascinating posts. I have learned so much about who I am from My involvement in BDSM. It has refined My understanding of what I need to be comfortable in My own skin. Most importantly though I think it has made Me unwilling to settle for less then what I want/need. I am more secure voicing My personal opinions and much less concerned about how people view Me. A lot of the change happened because I finally felt like I fit in. I had spent so many years feeling on the outside of everything and when I started reading about and understanding the concepts behind BDSM it was like being wrapped up in a warm blanket....this was who I was and this was where I fit in. I am more comfortable around people who have some knowledge of BDSM then I am around people who do not but, that being said, I have become more comfortable around people in general. I have fewer self-doubts and much more confidence in My abilities. I can thank certain submissives for part of that because they gave Me the opportunity to learn and grow. I did a lot of soul-searching before I accepted My first submissive because I was not sure I could do a responsible job of caring for him. I talked to him about My concerns because he had significantly more experience then I did. his experience and trust made it possible for Me to grow....and to learn what I could become in time. Thanks to the submissives who have been deeply involved in My life (both in negative ways and positive ways), I have been able to identify areas that needed work and areas where I was stronger then I thought. looking forward to reading the posts that come in Gentle Lady

craftywulf -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/27/2005 11:10:34 PM)
Interesting thread i have been in BDSM for years but always by myself and never had anyone to shair it with and didnt know how to find people who thought like me.I am still learning and enjoying the people here and i do feel at home with people who understand me .All thoes years i thought i was all alone its nice to express my feelings for a change.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 3:14:03 AM)
quote: I am more secure voicing My personal opinions and much less concerned about how people view Me. A lot of the change happened because I finally felt like I fit in. I couldn't have said it better. I've discovered that it is very possible to have that "dream" relationship, that talking is a good thing and honesty does work. Jewel

knkywch -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 10:46:00 AM)
Excellent question. Thank you for the topic. What I've learned so far... I've learned that I am more powerful than I ever imagined. I have learned that I am not a victim unless I consent to be a victim... and that I am more in touch with my personal and spiritual power when I am not trying to jocky for victim position (although consenting to 'play' victim in a scene is absofuckinglutely delicious!). I have learned that I'm not alone in my sexual kinks and that there are some very intelligent and articulate, attractive people who like to do this stuff too. I learned to be much more aware of and honoring of etiquette and protocol when I encounter those for whom these are important considerations. I've learned deeper levels of telling the truth gently. I've learned that despite what some of them would have me believe, all Tops are mortal, human, hurtable, and need love. I've learned that there are some really wounded people among us who are self-destructive and would love nothing better than to be helped along in their slow, self-hating suicide. I've learned that I'm not one of them. I've learned that this erotic power exchange stuff is NOT a passing phase with me. I've learned that experiences are much richer when I do not separate out my sexuality from my spirituality. I've learned to trust myself and I've learned that indeed I DO make good choices. Thanks, kw

Mercnbeth -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 10:51:45 AM)
quote: What life lessons have you been taught through the scope of bdsm? One person's idea of extreme is another's "Sesame Street" A person's property should always be treated with respect Playing too hard with toys could break them Respect is earned Think before you speak Be in control of yourself before you strike anyone with anything There is someone out there for everyone, the tricky part is recognizing them when you find them Finish what you start ...and this one is an affirmation of something learned long ago.... Have patience and faith and you will reap your reward quote: Has your Dominant or Submissive been instrumental in your learning? not only instrumental, but an essential part of this slave's journey. this slave would not be where she is today on this path if not for Master's guidance and support. Master is, among other things, a fund of knowledge within the scope of BDSM and a myriad of other topics. this slave will always be grateful to Him for sharing His knowledge with her of life lessons through the scope of BDSM and outside that scope as well!

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 11:27:47 AM)
quote: What life lessons have you been taught through the scope of bdsm? Has your Dominant or Submissive been instrumental in your learning? Respectfully, Willng2serve1 First off, I'd like to thanks W2S1 for opening this thread. I've been wracking my brain for a couple of days because I've wanted to put something out here, and thanks to her, this is really a natural fit for what I've been trying to articulate. Thanks. Even though I'm fully integrated into my local scene, and have been for years, the community here at CM has been monumentally important to me while I have been exploring some things that I didn't necessarily want to have to let my scene friends know about. Who really wants to be vulnerable in front of those who look to you as an established member of a group? Therefore, before I start, I want to thank all of you, some of whom I've become close to, and others who I just know from your writings, for being there for me, whether you knew you were or not. Thanks. I began my journey in BDSM as a submissive. Not because it was a 'chosen' role, but because inside of me, it's who, and what, I am. Even though in my vanilla existance I'm strong, a fighter, smart, articulate, and I don't back down from a challenge, am organized and an organizer, I can not translate these characteristics into the Dominant part of a power exchange relationship. How did I find this out? Well, I either forgot, or I disregarded the the fact that regardless of whether I can give a great spanking or swing a good crop, I'm at best a Top (in a non-D/s context). And that's great, except being skilled with a toy and being able to do a scene does not a sexual Dominant make. I sort of want to openly apologize to the men who had to endure my search process while I'd forgotten the fundementals. These were all nice men, good submissives; however, I wasn't feeling it. The other night, a friend phoned me to ask how the latest meet had gone. I let him know that, yet again, it wasn't successful. He said to me, "I don't want to hurt you, and I'm not trying to, but I have to tell you, I can smell the submissive all over you." Boom....Bang. However, I wasn't upset; strangely, I was relieved. I'd been collared 3 years ago and it was an emotionally difficult relationship for any number of reasons that aren't important here. What is important for me to reveal is that I was emotional, human detritus when that collar finally came off. I wasn't fit for human, let alone BDSM consumption. So I took three years to get rid of the baggage, get my head back, and heal my heart. Last year I was in a work situation that pretty much forced me to put my kink existance on hold. I was doing what in some circles was considered "God's Work" and I was busy 16 hours a day. So, when I returned from that job in November, I was ready to get my kink back on. But, because of where I ended up out of my last D/s relationship, I was gun shy. As a sub, I'm kind of a hard sell. What I've found (and forgive me for generalizing, but I'm speaking from my personal experience) is that because I'm not willing to defer to every man or woman who calls himself a Dominant, that I'm choosy about who I play with and I'm not afraid to express my opinions, I get passed over for the more docile submissives. And this is ok, except who wants to go to a party and never play? So, I decided that I might as well Top while I was waiting around. My mistake (and I'm certainly not saying that this is the case for anyone but myself) was that again, I confused being able to Top and enjoy it, with being Dominant. So, I've shifted my definition of myself to Switch. I'm a submissive whose a talented Top. I think the submissive boys that I've inflicted myself on in these last few months, and those potential ones that have filled my mail box will give a collective sigh of reliefe. You have all been amazing boys. I wish I could have figured out what to do with you ~grin~ A special thanks to LA, Topcat, and Songbird. You guys have been great, thanks for the support and understanding. Taggard, what can I say babe, you are the BOMB. Lily

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 11:54:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily Taggard, what can I say babe, you are the BOMB. Back 'atcha! I am so glad I could be there for you...if nothing more than as a sounding board for your thoughts. No matter what path you eventually follow in this lifestyle (and I don't think anyone can really say for certain which end of the whip they will always hold), know that you have a friend and fellow traveler in me! Taggard

songbird26 -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 2:10:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily So, I've shifted my definition of myself to Switch. I'm a submissive whose a talented Top. A special thanks to LA, Topcat, and Songbird. You guys have been great, thanks for the support and understanding. Lily Dear Lily- I know I've said this before, but you continue to impress me in every way. You're a remarkable lady. Any time, anywhere, you just holler and I'll be there! :) And, to the topic of the thread: I've learned that I really can't do it myself, no matter how much I'd like to think so. Sometimes I need a timely and thoughtful push to get me past ideas and resistances that I don't even know I'm clinging to. And I've learned from the dominants I've interacted with that it's the personal chemistry and dynamic, NOT experience or kink compatibility or titles or protocol, that inspires a real desire to serve in me. It's a long long learning process, and I am grateful to everyone I've encountered (good and bad) for the lessons I've learned from them.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 5:25:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily I'm not willing to defer to every man or woman who calls himself a Dominant, that I'm choosy about who I play with and I'm not afraid to express my opinions, I get passed over for the more docile submissives. Which is the most attractive kind of submissive in my mind, darling. quote: ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily A special thanks to LA, Topcat, and Songbird. You guys have been great, thanks for the support and understanding. Taggard, what can I say babe, you are the BOMB. Lily Hey! That is what friends are for. Another thing I learned is because of the level of trust necessary in this realm, connections go real deep. - LA

FangsNfeet -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 7:52:26 PM)
What lessons have I been taght? I've learned to controll my own strength and to be in more controll of my self. If I can't dominate myself then how can I dominate another? You have to give respect to recive respect. I'm a nice guy but a jerk when needed. Has my sub been instrumental in my learning? I think so. Pet and I are clicking so well and nicely. I read her body language. She's beginging to know exactly what I'm thinking and knows how to act to it. She is indeed a great pet and well on her way to being collared. [image]local://upfiles/68772/98A390DDDE8F4C3CAA14E46E487E35B2.jpg[/image]

ShesMissySassy -> RE: Life Lessons.. (2/28/2005 8:03:19 PM)
quote: It's a long long learning process, [/quote] ~~ Indeed~~ :) Tammy Marie. [:)] [image]local://upfiles/21808/D763B5F78BFC4EBCA282AA4BAB8894AE.jpg[/image]

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