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emdoub -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/22/2007 10:52:27 PM)
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First - SimplyMichael, MadRabbit, others - good replies.
Everyone else is telling strata how to walk away from it for a bit - so I'll tell him how to start anywho. Just bein' contrary, y'know?
First - make contact with your local community. They'll have a whole lot more experience for you to find than anything here, or anywhere online. Online is a good place to get the basics, or specific information on a minor point - for the major stuff, you need to see some RL interaction.
This is not politically correct, but I'll stand by it - go sub to someone. It isn't actually necessary, but it really helps a lot - it's much easier to guide someone to a place if you know what that place is like yourself. Sub to someone good, mind you - not another newbie would be my choice, and a well-respected dom is where I'd start looking. (I didn't have that option myself, and subbed to newbies - it didn't exactly work out well, but it wasn't a disaster, but that was lots of luck. It was, however, responsible for much of the success I've had as a dominant.)
Find a mentor - if not a purposeful mentor, someone you can watch - see them dom, analyze why they do what they do, and why it works - and internalize that. Not their style - but your understanding of the whys behind it. Make lists of the other whys and hows you hear of, listen carefully to the ones that sing to your soul. Some classes in basic psychology are not going to be wasted.
Be REALLY clear that you're a newbie - the single easiest way to lose trust in this community is to claim experience that you don't have. Mostly, they'll know - and despise you for lying.
Watch others - especially others who have community respect. You can see a lot by simply observin'. When you've seen enough, patterns start to emerge, and understanding starts to happen.
Start small - one-night D/S sessions, domly dates, experiments - while you're building a rapport and understanding of the person you're doing this with. Always remember that it's a person - not a set of tits with a pussy and someone incomprehensible driving 'em - a person, who deserves respect and understanding just as much as you do, if not more. It's not their job to understand you - it's your job to understand them, and make sure that they know you well enough to serve you. Honesty and openness help a lot, but they're not as easy as they look - and they don't look easy.
Spend some time asking, humbly, for cues from the experienced submissives. They often understand dominance better than the doms do - they can see the forest better with the trees out of the way. Sometimes, they'll do sessions, as an investment in dom futures - do your level best, and thank them kindly, and listen to what they have to say afterward. Learn from them - they're often the best teachers.
Always remember that there's more to learn, and a splat can happen at any time, to anyone - a large part of domming is being able to deal with the splats without letting them throw you. Expect to be surprised, and frightened - and deal with it.
Control yourself - be the one driving the bus you're on. Only when you can control your own life can you realistically expect to do any good at controlling another's.
Welcome, and good luck - this can be the most rewarding lifestyle I've ever heard of, or the worst - depending on how well you do it, and how you do it well.
Midnight Writer
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