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what am I doing wrong? - 1/15/2007 5:09:42 PM

fingernailboy

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/8/2006
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I have been on this site for a while. I have tried to be as honest as I could while searching for a Mistress. I don't write one liners and basically I'm not given a chance. so I guess my question is what am I doing wrong? what does a Mistress seek in a submissive's message to them? if anyone has any insite on this please let me know. I would be happy to respond to any questions anyone might have.
Slave,
Karl

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RE: what am I doing wrong? - 1/15/2007 5:13:54 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
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This is a really bad metaphor, but I have been looking for a perfect pair of boots for a LONG time. I have this ideal in my head. The fact that I haven't found them yet doesn't mean I am doing something wrong. It just means I have either not looked in the right place, or that no one makes boots like this.

I know how utterly frustrating it can be looking for a partner. I KNOW. I cannot seem to find a male submissive for the life of me, within my parameters. While yes, it's possible I could settle for less using other parameters, I don't think it's that I'm doing anything wrong. I think it's that I'm looking for something out of the ordinary and haven't come across it yet.

Good luck in your search.

~Ms. Elorin

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RE: what am I doing wrong? - 1/15/2007 5:17:37 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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K, Karl---but you ain't gonna like it.

What do you do when her pussy is chapped? What you read lately, do you have any interests in guns? John Wayne? Auto Mechanics? Wittgenstienian Philosophy? Were did ya grow up? Do you know the difference between a bale of hay and Auguste Rodin? (I am aware of at least one Mastera on here that would find that interesting)
I assume as a male sub you have a tongue, make whole use of it....tell them what you are going to do when you are alone, when you are alone, K?

are you able to extend your vocalizations beyond MMMMMMMMMPPPPPHHHHFFF? (do you eat with your mouth closed?)

Really, I am being friendly---
Ron(ne)

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: what am I doing wrong? - 1/15/2007 5:33:07 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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Which types of women are you writing to? Perhaps those are not the types who are interested in what you are writing.

Sometimes what we find attractive in a profile is not the same as finding a good match person to person.

I think a good place to start thinking is about what is common each of these women you are writing to -- beyond the female or dominant thing. Then figure out if what you see in the profile are really what you are looking for. If not, then what you are writing may have a better audience.

Or when you write are you writing what you think they want to hear or what is a real reflection of you? Sometimes even in print if we aren't honest to ourselves it can come across in the words we chose.

Ultimately, I am convinced that looking only online is never a good way to finde a partner, vanilla or kinky.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: what am I doing wrong? - 1/15/2007 5:45:53 PM

fingernailboy

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Joined: 5/8/2006
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well I do thank you for your help in responding. I am always polite. I always state my age/sex/location. I thank them for taking the time out to read my email. I state some of the things I liked about their profile that I enjoy as well and ask if they are interested to contact me back to see if there is a connection where we could possibly pursue things further if everything goes well.
Elorin - I do agree with what you said. and I did like that metaphor....it seemed to have worked out well :)
thanks again for all your replys and support.
Slave,
Karl

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RE: what am I doing wrong? - 1/16/2007 1:54:16 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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karl,

The lack of response from any given Domme may not have anything to do with you, personally, whatsoever.

I have received quite a few eloquent introductory emails from male subs who are more than 1100 miles away. I rarely respond to long distance emails. I receive emails from subs who are 30 years my junior. I rarely respond to an email from anyone with more than a 10 year age difference.

It could be an age difference, distance or one of a few dozen other 'dealbreakers' that are not at all related to who you are or how you approach the Dommes in question.

When you send an email of inquiry, always remember that if they don't respond they're just not meant for you anyway, whatever their reason might be.

Keep trying; if you don't put yourself out there, the Right Domme can't find you!

Good luck to you.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 1/16/2007 1:59:20 AM >

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RE: what am I doing wrong? - 1/16/2007 4:26:57 AM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
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Maybe women don't respond to you because they have no idea what a
fingernail boy is.

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RE: what am I doing wrong? - 1/16/2007 7:49:58 AM

Celedane

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline

One thing to consider, is listing what you offer, in addition to your profile. Passions interests, and skills. What you are willing to learn in order to be a better sub/slave. What you have experienced that might benefit the one you are pursuing.

Secondly, as age x are you writing a woman more than 10, 15, 20 yrs older than you? Are you reading all of her profile and conveniently ignoring things (it's human and happens) things that don't work with what she's seeking? Do you read Her profile and then actually think of what she's looking for? Maybe there's something that you didn't notice, that was something implied or stated that puts you out of her criteria. Don't just read likes and the profile and skip the journal, or exclude any part of her profile's contents, again, it happens. How can you improve this woman's life or what can you offer this woman, not the domme in your head, try that approach.

Last, it takes time, it could take a year, triple. It's a lifetime goal, not a night's fun, that you are after. Take that perspective and try and remember it.

I just read your profile. You're interested in many things in and out of the lifestyle, great! List them. Ya the kinks are listed on the checkbox. But how bout going into detail on them, not just checking a bunch of boxes. Who are you? One part says slave, the next you say sub/slave. Some want only one of those. Define who you are, be precise. That shows maturity and a readiness to commit. Your main focus is serving your one, again some examples.

Add yourself to your profile, it's not limited to checkboxes. People considering you, read your email to them and your profile. You're not in my demographic, but I'd pass you up, unless you wrote a simply stellar email. I ain't perfect or hounding you. But use capitalization at least. I know I have the feeling if you won't do the best you can grammatically, you're really not that interested in communicating in a verbal playing field. Your profile says to me in my opinion, that I hope I can skip this part, and we can just get to talking.

< Message edited by Celedane -- 1/16/2007 8:22:14 AM >

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