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Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 6:31:28 PM

justheather

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So, I was driving home from dinner with a local cm friend and that song "Aint Too Proud to Beg" comes on the radio.
So, naturally, I start singing and doing that little dance you can do while driving a car. You know the one. The Upper Body Dance.
And I start thinking about the subject of begging.
I know a dom who has (or at least had when we discussed the subject) a particular format he teaches his submissives to use when begging. I dont remember the formula precisely, but knowing what I did about him, I imagine it mirrors some sort of formula for prayer. There were three steps to it, one was a sort of adoration of the dom, the other two involved the actual begging.
Ive also known doms who dont express a preference as to how a submissive begs.

Begging is a skill at which I admittedly do not feel I am proficient.
My approach to begging is to sort of just settle into the desire that I have for that particular thing and my desire to please my dom and let whatever comes out of my mouth come out...which leads to a quite vulnerable (potentially heavenly) state.

Im curious as to what dominants expect from their submissives when it comes to begging...
Doms:
Do you teach a set format?
Are there types of begging you absolutely do not want to hear? (Whining comes to mind...it could be a fine line...)
Do you encourage your submissive in developing her "skill set" when it comes to begging, or is it something about which you arent too interested?

Submissives:
How did you "learn" how to beg in a manner that is aesthetically pleasing to your dom?
Did you ever have a dom actually "teach" you how he wanted you to do it?
And do you also find it somewhat awkward sometimes? If so, how do you approach it in the moment?

Thanks in advance for considering a reply,

h

_____________________________

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And paste me in that book you always carry.
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RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 6:45:10 PM

Devilslilsister

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Joined: 8/3/2006
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quote:

Submissives:
How did you "learn" how to beg in a manner that is aesthetically pleasing to your dom?
Did you ever have a dom actually "teach" you how he wanted you to do it?
And do you also find it somewhat awkward sometimes? If so, how do you approach it in the moment?

Thanks in advance for considering a reply

No i didnt learn how and i'm not completely sure i know how - but he seems to enjoy it alot.
He taught me a few positions and when i'm begging for my dear life for something, i have been known to fall into them.

I find it awkward when he actually says "beg". I never know excatly what to do. It feels forced and unnatural. I approach it as best i can. I usually look at him for direction and he usually looks back at me and says "you know how".

He once told me to beg to be punished severely and all my attempts were not satisfing him. I did pipe up with "if you let me beg not be punished, i could do that very well"

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My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

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(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 2

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 6:58:28 PM

mnottertail

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quote:

I did pipe up with "if you let me beg not be punished, i could do that very well"

It finds its roots in wanton, abject and unsophisticated desire---

I will leave it there.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 3

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 8:13:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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For me begging must come from a place of true need. Just ordering it doesn't inspire that NEED inside me.

The begging of slaves

Begging

Subs...asking/begging

The act of begging

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(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 4

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 8:42:19 PM

marieToo

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Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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Unless someone is truly desperate for what it is they are begging for, it would seem like an act or a role play, to me. Now I'm not saying this isn't a kink that some might enjoy, but for me, if Im begging for something on demand that I dont really want or need, then it's just not real for me and Im not able to do it.

I've only genuinely begged my ass off one time that I can recall. I was involved with someone a couple years ago, who I felt deeply in submission to. He demanded something that went way past anything I had ever imagined and wasn't expecting when he demanded it. It was a real time relationship but the demand took place on the phone one night, when he told me he wanted the passwords to my aol names. I had absolutely nothing to hide in my mailbox or bookmarked items etc, but nothing ever felt like such an invasion of my privacy. And I was between a rock and a hard place in that I couldn't bear to say no to him, yet I couldn't bear to give up my privacy on that level. I cried and pleaded with him...it was a horrific moment in which all I can remember is saying "oh god...please no, please dont ask that of me...." yada yada yada. It was horrible, but it was a genuine beg desperate and crying. I hoped he would let me off the hook, until I felt 'ready'; but he didn't. It took me about 12 hours to come to terms with it and give him the passwords. Ive also sort of come close to begging for a whipping to stop.
But in cases where people are in 'session' and dom wants sub to beg for something like masters cock or something like that, its just too contrived for me.

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marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 5

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 9:18:32 PM

Noah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me begging must come from a place of true need. Just ordering it doesn't inspire that NEED inside me.

Thanks for the links,as always, LA.

As to your comments...

Some people claim to have a need to please (choose another word if another one suits better: yeild to/obey/serve/etc.) their dominant partner. I don't know if you are one of these people, or under what conditions you might be.

This is interesting stuff for someone bent the way I am. Necessity and Contingency seem to collide in some sort of involuted way when the topic is The Conditions For Need.

If one's dominant partner says: "Beg," in such a way as to give the submissive the impression that begging would please the dominant, then in a certain way that I find interesting and not at all trivial, your condition is met.

quote:

... begging must come from a place of true need...

... or anyway the powder is packed and the fuse is lit to meet your condition.

But of course I'm overstating that claim. That is to say that a certain sort of case could be made that your stated conditions are met, but since you were describing something highly subjective you may well report that this would not constitute meeting the conditions you stated, or not meaningfully, anyway, for you.

In fact I'm left wondering if it would. I'm asking: would that little Moebius strip of command and desire that I described get it going for you?

I'd love to hear from anyone else who managed to follow that twisted little trail as to whether it would lead anywhere for you, sub or dom.

As for me, I find girls who can inhabit--and yes, writhe in--that kind space the more attractive for it. I have had partners who would enter that space by the same door I would, let's call it the conceptual door, then once having entered find themselves in something as visceral as Hell. I have also had partners who would enter that space--that very space, mind you--without ever acknowledging what might be compelling about it conceptually--and yet writhe just as prettily once they were there.

I can enjoy both sorts of partners.

(this post is for you, lili, whichever kind you are or aren't)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 10:30:14 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah
In fact I'm left wondering if it would. I'm asking: would that little Moebius strip of command and desire that I described get it going for you?

For me...absolutely. But he doesn't ask or command me to beg. I can read when it is appropriate with him -- when he might be amused by it, and when he might get really turned on by it. I am always craving him. At any hour of any day, the thought/sight/smell/taste of him does it for me. You know how a puppy looks at your back door when it wants to come in? How it might let out a quick little whimper and its nose will anxiously nudge the door while it stares inside? I pretty much look up at my Master that way. When he wants me to beg, he doesn't command it; he merely teases me by presenting that which I would long for just out of my reach.

Actually, he did once tell me, "Show me how you can beg for me, slut." and it was as though my last breath depended on that which I was begging for. The craving is intense, and real, and comes from deep within. It is so strong that my eyes might well up, and my entire body can tremble.

But a longing like that is developed in a girl. He enjoys it, and brought me to such a place. This is not to say I'm always begging, however. Time and place, after all. As much as I can read when he would appreciate being begged, I also know when to stifle it.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 7

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 10:40:06 PM

michaels4evr

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i've never been good at this..it usually amounts to "Daddy can i...........", a pout and/or a whine...

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 8

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 11:00:11 PM

Noah

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Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

For me...absolutely. But he doesn't ask or command me to beg. I can read when it is appropriate with him -- when he might be amused by it, and when he might get really turned on by it. I am always craving him. At any hour of any day, the thought/sight/smell/taste of him does it for me. You know how a puppy looks at your back door when it wants to come in? How it might let out a quick little whimper and its nose will anxiously nudge the door while it stares inside? I pretty much look up at my Master that way. When he wants me to beg, he doesn't command it; he merely teases me by presenting that which I would long for just out of my reach.

Actually, he did once tell me, "Show me how you can beg for me, slut." and it was as though my last breath depended on that which I was begging for. The craving is intense, and real, and comes from deep within. It is so strong that my eyes might well up, and my entire body can tremble.

But a longing like that is developed in a girl. He enjoys it, and brought me to such a place. This is not to say I'm always begging, however. Time and place, after all. As much as I can read when he would appreciate being begged, I also know when to stifle it.

Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

And by the way, if you're interested I think I could introduce you to your twin sister by another mother. And a couple of her close cousins, too.

And also by the way, I get the impression of a little case of tunnel vision whereby for you the word "beg" means beg for him--or anyway his ministrations. It's kind of a charming myopia, if that is how you are seeing things. I mean do you really salivate that way if he holds the tax forms you need just out of reach?

And I'm not just being facetious in that I think one of the questions at issue cuts differently in case the thing you're told to beg for is something you long for like you breathe. Or might cut differently, and I'm curious about that.

What if he tells you to beg for tickets to a Hilary Duff concert? Is that gonna get that cold, wet, black little nose pressed up against the bottom panel of the screen door as prettily as when kisses and spankins are waiting inside?

How about if he tells you to beg for a root canal (like maybe if he's not edgy enough to actually hold Hilary Duff over your head)?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 9

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 11:45:16 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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There's never a real need to beg if one is in a relationship with a sane individual, as I see it...
So I like begging from my boy because it turns me on, that's all. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/15/2007 11:49:09 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah
How about if he tells you to beg for a root canal (like maybe if he's not edgy enough to actually hold Hilary Duff over your head)?

My one and only root canal was quite pleasant, actually. My oral surgeon had a flat screen tv on the ceiling and put stereo head phones on me and I laughed through Finding Nemo throughout the procedure. It was over before I knew it.

As for what I salivate for - if it is to do something that would make him happy, hell yes I would salivate for it.

I appreciate your question, Noah. You have caused me to think a bit here. Yes, I salivate selfishly for all those things which I love and adore about him. But my primary function/need/desire/craving is to make his life as pleasant as possible. You've no idea when I see him working on something that I know I could do for him, how much I long to take it from him so he can unburden himself with it. So yes, after careful thought, I would say I would indeed beg for his tax form (although his accountant would do a much better job than I, lol, so I would beg to gather his tax info and work with his accountant on it).

As for Hilary Duff, if he wanted to a) have me attend; or b) go with him; or c) get him tickets so he could go with someone else...my response stays the same. I would beg to do as he wished. You see, I LOVE to please him. And trust me I've begged for worse things than Hilary Duff. Things I would otherwise loathe to do. Things I would not post on a CM forum.

As for a twin by a different mother...well my Dad was a Naval officer...he may have gotten around a bit.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 11

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 12:25:01 AM

SusanofO

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I love begging and the idea of begging, in theory and in practice - but admit I don't feel "proficient" at it either. I mean, I never have done it according to any formula at all. Just reacted to a basic gut-level need to please someone. I don't have specific sentences, or procedures I've ever used or anything. Although the words "Oh please, please" seem to continually come out of my mouth when I've done it - usually on my knees. I haven't done that much of it, actually - but I've really loved doing it, when I have.

With me, I think it's more or less just a gut-level reaction to the "head-space" I am in at the time, which almost borders on some kind of fantasy as far as what I think is going to happen for me if I do it in a pleasing manner for a Dom (which may or may not be actually correct, btw). It's just a gut-level, overwhleming need to please someone, and to me feeling a real need to "get to do (whatever) for them (and probably in reality for myself) in return.

I haven't found it awkward (so far) but - I have to say I haven't done all that much of it compared to some people, probably. Plus, I really trusted the person I was doing it for. It doesn't embarass me at all, really, and probably partly for that reason, most likely. To me, it's just a "gut-reaction" thing - and I trusted the other person wasn't going to make fun of me for it, or "correct" the way I was doing it, to an extent that would potentially ruin the "mood of the moment", etc.

But I love the "head-space" I was in when I've experienced it and begged someone for something in a bdsm context. That is very similar, for me, to what I feel when I am feeling humiliated (in a good way) - and in fact, it may be the same head-space as that, now that I think about it. I just feel a deep need to feel more of it - it makes me feel more secure, very controlled, and protected, and feel, almost tangibly, a deep level of trust that has been delicious for me to feel.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/16/2007 12:56:23 AM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 12

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 7:52:03 AM

happypervert

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There's one more part to the questions -- does begging do any good?

It's fun to have a sub do all the appropriate begging and then say "No" . . . but then if begging is never rewarded then the behavior won't continue (unless getting to "No" is rewarding for both), thus eliminating the opportunities to say "No".

Perhaps it is a matter of timing -- subs should be shrewd and try to do their begging when the doms are in charitable moods so there is a chance they may decide to take pleasure from saying "Yes".

< Message edited by happypervert -- 1/16/2007 7:53:22 AM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 8:16:50 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

There's one more part to the questions -- does begging do any good?

Great question, and in my case - yes, because in the right context it amuses, pleases and/or thrills him. And his satisfaction is what it's all about.

quote:

It's fun to have a sub do all the appropriate begging and then say "No" . . . but then if begging is never rewarded then the behavior won't continue (unless getting to "No" is rewarding for both), thus eliminating the opportunities to say "No".

In my case, sometimes it's no and sometimes it's yes. I never know which, which makes begging so....squirmy lol.

quote:

Perhaps it is a matter of timing -- subs should be shrewd and try to do their begging when the doms are in charitable moods so there is a chance they may decide to take pleasure from saying "Yes".

For me it's a time & place thing. I tend to know when he will enjoy it and when he will be annoyed by it. In the context of "playing," he will typically enjoy it, depending on what it is I am begging for. If I'm just asking permission to do something in day to day life, and he says no....I'd best shut the hell up and accept it. Begging would not be tolerated in that case.

(in reply to happypervert)

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RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 8:35:32 AM

Sunshine119

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When I was first asked to "beg", the concept was entirely foreign to me. I am a strong woman. I don't beg for anything. Yet, because it was his command, I did my best to obey. While it did not come easily to me, it did happen. It's amazing how quickly one can learn to beg to make a whipping stop.

LOL....and it is amazing how quickly one can learn to beg for those things that I know make him happy. When I am begging to have my nipples tortured, I am pleasing him. And I am pleasing myself. Both with his reaction...and with the result of getting my nipples tortured.

Guess I love to beg!

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RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 8:58:24 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

S
Im curious as to what dominants expect from their submissives when it comes to begging...
Doms:
Do you teach a set format?
Are there types of begging you absolutely do not want to hear? (Whining comes to mind...it could be a fine line...)
Do you encourage your submissive in developing her "skill set" when it comes to begging, or is it something about which you arent too interested?

Well, not a specific format so much as some general guidelines.

On the knees. (if you can, some play doesn't allow that)

Ask like you really want it, ask with your entire body not just your words. Eyes are the biggest factor for me. I can look in eyes and see desire or lack of it.

Let it go if I say "no".

_____________________________

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 16

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 9:30:42 AM

toservez

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I must admit that begging is not natural for me. It is tough for me to wrap my head around it because I am there for my Master and begging is a selfish behavior. My first owners the woman loved for me to beg in all types of areas and I pretty much had to learn how she liked it and do it that way so in essence it was role play, but I always framed it in my mind that it was service to my Mistress.

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(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 17

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 9:59:30 AM

Hisgirlforever

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I have never been taught to beg by a Dom. I also do not do it very well when I have begged. Daddy has only made me beg a few times. The one that stands out the most was when we went to buy my collar. Daddy and I had looked on line at the collar and he had picked out the one that he wanted for me, we drove to the store and when we got out of the car he told me I was to go inside the store by myself and buy the collar and a toy. I was struck dumb because I am very shy and Daddy is the one to do all the talking and buying and well interacting with salespeople when we buy stuff, especially sexy stuff. Anyway I begged and pleaded with tears in my eyes and streaming down my face for Daddy to come with me and he was very calm and said no that I was to go by myself, he told me that if I truly wanted him to collar me then I would go outside of my comfort zone and go and fetch the collar and bring it to him as well as a toy. I did eventually go in the store. But I do not think I was very good at begging, I think I am kind of whiny and cry and say stuff like "Daddy, pleeeaaasssseee don't make me go in there. I can't do it.....PPPLllllleeeeassseee. Oh my god, no, I can't do it. You can punish me, I don't care, please come with me...etc, etc" I do however start to beg when I am getting paddled for Daddy to stop. I try to bite my tongue and stay quite but I am a wimp when it comes to pain and I hate that paddle

I do not think I would feel sincere if I was told to beg. I do like the idea of having a ritual of begging. I am big on rituals :)

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 18

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 10:00:28 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
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Oh boy. First, there is the image of heather doing that little "drive the car" upper body dance. Then when I'm ALMOST able to focus again, ownedgirlie posts that delicious breathtaking post...

...was there a thread here?

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 19

RE: Ain't too proud to beg... - 1/16/2007 10:06:20 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I must admit that begging is not natural for me. It is tough for me to wrap my head around it because I am there for my Master and begging is a selfish behavior.

this is how i view begging also. my focus should always be on pleasing and serving him...to ask/beg for something for myself, feels selfish and contrary to my place. that is not to say that i've never begged...but it's something i very much hate to do and would really be a last resort.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 20

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