RE: How to know if you're really submissive?

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/21/2007 4:23:30 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

What difference does it make? Do what you enjoy and just be yourself. Do you have to put a label on yourself to be able to enjoy your life? i know, for the sake of putting a profile on this site, you do need to put a label yourself but, in reality, what does it really matter?

People are always asking others to define the difference between a "submissive" and a "slave" and they go on and on about it. And, i say, "What does it matter?" It is just a name and a name won't (or, at least, shouldn't) change who you are inside.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

Absolutely...
i myself have been put into categories by others numerous times...it became a source of confusion.."am i slave? submissive? which is better? and the mind fuck goes on and on...
Until YOU stop it and realize "just being" is the only true pleasure. If someone wants to see me as sub and that works for them, great. If it is as slave, fine. It is what works for the relationship. i have been both and i was always the same - just "perceived" differently in each situation.
To me the whole realm of D/s and BDSM is outside of the box, so why would i need to put myself and my identity in a definition box when i just escaped that in the vanilla world. When i realized that, i stopped defining myself with a "title", accepted my submissive nature, and moved on to more important issues :-)

Of course i realize after that long reply that the OP was asking how to determine whether or not they are submissive...i think only experience can determine that.
i am an alpha female just shy of being dominant in society's world...So we are what we need to be depending what the situation calls for in life. But for love and sex, submission is my release. PAsextoy4u , i hope you find yours...

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/21/2007 1:14:03 PM

PAsextoy4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/27/2006
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I want to thank everyone for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences. You have given me alot to think about. Thank YOU!

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/21/2007 1:53:32 PM

MomentsofHistory

Posts: 64
Joined: 8/28/2006
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I have to say that for the most part it is trial and error. No two Dominants or submissives are the same, or live their lives the same. I guess thats what makes finding the right relationship in D/s a little more tricky than finding a vanilla one?

(in reply to Miraculix)

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/22/2007 8:54:33 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
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I don't know that I would say it is more tricky than a vanilla one. The dynamic is just a little different. The qualities of a person are the same though.
LordVelvet

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/22/2007 6:33:26 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
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Your profile fantasy says you're a submissive - specifically, a sexual submissive (wanna move to NM?), and so there may be other elements of dominant behavior that you're not as comfortable with - sadism you singled out specifically, but some degree of S/M is a common element in most D/s relationships, but balking at that doesn't make you "not submissive", or not submissive enough, or whatever - except for the person who happens to be complaining.

I can dig this, but there are as many opinions as there are players, some submissives don't even mention or expect sex, they just want to be dominated.

My advice is to take this and all advice with a grain of salt - you know what you want, so look for that - you're a person, not a label.

And it could work both ways - you may have decided the fantasy wasn't quite what you expected, and are having second thoughts about the whole thing - on the other hand you might not have experienced a deep level of submission - hard to way without knowing what your experience was and is.

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 2/2/2007 5:07:27 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
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If you have to think about it and figure it out, you're not submissive. It comes naturally. If you're a subbie, you know it.

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 2/11/2007 11:13:44 PM

venusdiva429

Posts: 44
Joined: 2/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

If you have to think about it and figure it out, you're not submissive. It comes naturally. If you're a subbie, you know it.

I'd disagree. It took me several years of looking sub tendencies straight in the eye and saying, "Naaaah!" before I actually wised up and figured out what I needed (and wanted).

It's healthy to take the time and explore ALL sides of yourself. Nothing is so black and white. I went to college to be an opera singer...and am now a writer. That's the first example I can think of.

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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 2/12/2007 8:49:47 PM

AZSweetie

Posts: 147
Joined: 1/6/2007
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Many have already said: Learning through trial and error is the only way you'll find out. you can ask everyone till your blue in the face about what makes one submissive too and you'll get a ton of different responses. For me, i love to be in a relationship with a woman who is in control. i want her to wear the pants. i want nothing more than to please her in everyway. i get alot of satisfaction in all of the big and little things that i do that would put a smile on her face. The feeling of belonging to someone, doing all that they expect of me, making them proud and feeling special for it gives me warm and fuzzy feelings inside! i am a submissive woman. i take great pride in it. i truely couldn't see myself any other way. It's a huge part of me and giving myself to someone completely, to me, is a very beautiful thing.

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