quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
So, basically, contact her in a manner -you'd- like to be contacted-as a fellow human being.

quote:


Hello, I've read your profile and Iam interested in getting to know you better.

I am dominant male from Calgary Alberta Canada, my interests are blah blah blah.

Thank you for your attention, and if you have any questions feel free to contact me.

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When contacting a new sub or slave for the first time, what is a good way of introducing one's self, to put them at ease or arouse their curosity??

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
sputnik,
Let the person you are meeting get to know you. Be interested in the other person. What else are they other then submissive? What movies they like, what music, what hobbies? The advantage that meeting someone from a lifestyle site is that you KNOW you both have that common interest. Until you determine you are socially compatible, let that be simmering in the background.

quote:

Let the person you are meeting get to know you.

Very good advice, Mercnbeth. Love Y/your posts, BTW. Your advise essentially boils down to being yourself. However, if in being yourself (and that person is a light-hearted fun-loving person with a sense of humor) should you also have to spend most of your life running around apologizing to every humorless bimbo that cops an attitude and thinks that because They call themselves Dominant that automatically means They are Dominant over you ? In other words, if in being yourself, if others misunderstand you, is that your problem or theirs ? Does the responsibility for perception lie with the perceiver or the perceived ?

sissy maid lola




_____________________________

If i don't seem submissive to You, it may be because i'm NOT submissive to You.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

quote:

should you also have to spend most of your life running around apologizing to every humorless bimbo? if others misunderstand you, is that your problem or theirs ?

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btw - We have a cat by the same name & her brother's name is Rico. Know the reference?

Hi mercnbeth,

Thanks for your great response. Now sissy is hardly a Barry Manilow fan, but he does like the Copacabana song ... after all, it is one of his own three "tranny theme songs." The other two being, of course, Lola by The Kinks (and sissy has a blog Boys Will be Girls about that in his journal over on the other side if Y/y'all would care to check it out - unfortunately, it's now buried three or four pages deep) and sissy lola, you're breaking my heart by Simon & Garfunkel <giggles>.

I think your response to sissy's post is absolutely right, and nobody should have to apologize for being who they are or for being themselves. Now that doesn't mean that anybody is free to behave totally irresponsibly and do entirely as they please. That would be sociopathy, or even psychopathy. But sissy refuses to apologize for his transvestitism to transphobic bigots, to dullards for having a sense of humor, or even to illiterates for the style of his writing, and so on. The fact that there are some people at this message board that would expect such behavior is very troubling to him, and one has to question their motivation for being here.

The real life social settings context that Y/you addressed in Y/your post can also be extended to public message boards such as this one, but the dynamics are somewhat different here. One of those difference is that in the real life party context, if you are not hitting it off with someone you can indeed remove yourself to another part of the room as Y/you recommend. Yet there is no question about whether that other person is genuine or not and merits even to be in the same space as you ... you both belong in the same social setting (e.g., a BDSM munch), but the chemistry just wasn't right between you.

However, in the context of the message board, many that show up for interaction are total fakes and don't really belong here. In real BDSM social settings sissy has always found that the maxim, "Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones," is pretty well observed, nay even venerated, by all those concerned. At a BDSM munch, it is highly unlikely that a Caucasian kinkster would turn to an African American kinkster and refer to him using the "N" word; or someone would turn to a TV and make a disparaging remark about his crossdressing designed to hurt or denigrate his feelings; or that anyone would make defamatory remarks about another person's religious or political views, and so on.

All those forms of bigotry would hardly be tolerated in a vanilla context, let alone in a BDSM one where everyone is acutely aware of the fact that if they (and their kink) want to be tolerated (even accepted) then they in turn must be tolerant of (even accept) all of the others present (and their respective kinks). It is this sissy's experience that in real life, one very rarely meets a bigoted kinkster (it's somewhat of an oxymoron) but Y/you'll find them all over this board. The main reason for that is, of course, that at a BDSM munch or dungeon event, participants are vetted to ensure they are genuine before being admitted, but just about anybody can establish a CollarMe account and message board handle. And guess what ... just about anybody does.

Your point that "the precious time we have to be ourselves with people we like to be with, doing things we like to do doesn't warrant wasting it worrying about what someone thinks" is right on the money. One would think that in being a participant at this board one would be with folks we like to be with, in the same sense that Y/you meant it WRT real life settings. Unfortunately, one has to plough through a lot of chaff here in order to know who those true folks really are, and sometimes dealing with that chaff can be very depressing. Thanks for being real, mercnbeth.

sissy maid lola




< Message edited by sissymaidlola -- 3/3/2005 1:34:17 PM >

_____________________________

If i don't seem submissive to You, it may be because i'm NOT submissive to You.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

quote:

It is this sissy's experience that in real life, one very rarely meets a bigoted kinkster (it's somewhat of an oxymoron) but Y/you'll find them all over this board. The main reason for that is, of course, that at a BDSM munch or dungeon event, participants are vetted to ensure they are genuine before being admitted, but just about anybody can establish a CollarMe account and message board handle.

quote:

Perhaps the behavior of people at a munch is their social face, and what they do or say in private may be radically different. Similarly, online interaction has a degree of anonymity which tends to bring out a persons true personality.

Two good points, onceburned. BTW, when sissy said "vetting" he didn't mean anything complicated like an FBI background check. If the munch was being held in a bar or restaurant, say, sissy would consider simply having someone standing at the door to the room where the munch is being held (to make sure random patrons of the bar / restaurant didn't invite themselves in) to be a form of vetting. Hardly foolproof security, but certainly more effective in its restriction of unwanted outsiders than anything CollarMe can currently do. sissy Believes that CollarMe now gets over 300 new registrants per day. That's more people than in many active BDSM groups in large metropolitan areas. And with those kind of numbers you just know that many of the newbies are going to be fakes.

sissy Has to agree that with Your observation that people present a social face in a social setting, and we may never see what their darker side does or says in private, while when they are on the internet they are sat at home in that private space and the associated anonymity may engender their true persona to show. Based on some of the things that sissy saw typed on that "forced masculinity" thread, what a sad, depressing thought that is. But you are right, it is the perceived anonymity, and the fact of being on their own private turf, that lowers people's inhibitions, while in contrast, we all have to be on our best behavior when in a social context. Another thing too, on the internet you have trolls stirring things up, and although there are real live personalities that are comparable to trolls, they hardly exist in the same proportionate numbers.

sissy maid lola




_____________________________

If i don't seem submissive to You, it may be because i'm NOT submissive to You.

(in reply to onceburned)