|
Mercnbeth -> RE: Separation, personal space and silliness (1/20/2007 9:45:57 AM)
|
quote:
Merc...You just summed it up for us. Yes! We both hope to die first. Or together. Plane crash, if at all possible. Reciprocal dependency. Godda love it.
Shadows,
Appreciate that my feeling touched upon yours. Actually, as you know, there is no description possible, and no way to express it. For me, there was also no way to belief it until beth. We came from opposite sides of skepticism. beth always believed, and never stopped believing that someone would warrant these feelings. Me, I never believed anyone deserved them. I was confident that over a long term, "long" a moving definition, people's masks would fall. The pretense and posturing of courtship would fade as soon as the goal of being in a relationship was reached. This belief was formed based on experience. Amazingly, beth had very similar experiences, but always thought the 'next' one would be the 'right' one. she had the equivalent amount of faith to my lack of faith. she always thought that she would meet someone who deserved her faith. I knew there was nobody I could every trust enough to commit my soul.
The hardest part was believing. Once I did I didn't run away from my feeling of dependence. I don't think it effects my dominance or the dynamic of our "play". If anything it enhances the experience knowing that any reaction I get is real. Isn't it ironic that this thread sees this as a potential problem? It should be a goal.
If there is a problem, its if these feeling are one sided. Man, if that happens, loosing oneself can be emotional and mental suicide.
The silliness of bringing death into the picture is only a way to diffuse emotions that cut too deep. As humans, regardless of the fulfilled fantasies that we live, ultimately we will die. We often talk about wandering around the Folsom Street fair in side-by-side electric scooters with beth on a leash. Old age will come some day, along with death. In the face of that, it's better to create a silly "order" and smile instead of imagining the reality that day will bring to one of us.
I hope this didn't side track the thread.
Best wishes to the OP. My hope is you enjoy being lost in the company of your Dom, as he is lost in yours. Trust me - it is a good thing.
|
|
|
|
