approaching Sir (Full Version)

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teachmetobeg -> approaching Sir (2/28/2005 8:32:24 PM)

i have been fairly lucky in that i have never really had to ask for something. (i usually bat my eyelashes and get what i want, well that and my art of persuasion). Sir has recently told me that W/we will talk when i approach Him the correct way when asking/discussing certain subjects. Can anyone give me some ideas of a respectful way to approach Sir?

Ohh at this pace of learning, one could easily get lost!



Tangwystal -> RE: approaching Sir (2/28/2005 9:01:01 PM)

I would think that you should ask him how he wants you to ask him for things or talk to him about things.




terah -> RE: approaching Sir (2/28/2005 10:22:19 PM)

when I spok to the dom I am with I state a request as this " Sir, may i speak freely" Sir I beg you for a moment of your time. Those are the best case scenerios , sometime protocol is not alway appropriate when dealing with vanilla folks. So I would suggest you ask him what cue he would like to have from you to let him know it is a request and not a demand.



fencerpet19 -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 2:49:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: terah

when I spok to the dom I am with I state a request as this " Sir, may i speak freely" Sir I beg you for a moment of your time.


I use those too. They're both respectful and I think that's your best shot. Cheers,
~FP



Moleculor -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 5:41:31 AM)

Wearing nothing but a smile and high heels?



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 5:58:46 AM)

"Sir is this a good time to talk about X?" said in a calm, non assuming voice, and followed with acceptance if said no.

And make sure it likely IS a good time to talk about X.




EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 5:59:53 AM)

I have to say I like the irony of this question being asked by someone with a screen name of "teachmetobeg."



BlouLady -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 6:24:18 AM)

I have to say I agree with all said. Lowering your eyes and/or head may help. It's a sign of willing submission. Good luck--Lady



teachmetobeg -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 8:38:03 AM)

lol. yes i was aware of the irony when i posted it. i think perhaps that is why i used teach me instead of make me. [:D] i am still learning



Mercnbeth -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 10:00:54 AM)

quote:

i usually bat my eyelashes and get what i want, well that and my art of persuasion


if that is how you have controlled your "Sir" up to this point, then your apprehension about having to change your whole game is understandable.

quote:

Can anyone give me some ideas of a respectful way to approach Sir?


Asking Him what He considers to be respectful sounds like the best idea.



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 10:10:41 AM)

i agree with Mercnbeth... ask him what he prefers...also, just use common sense and respect, you can't go wrong...good timing is always important as well.



celestia -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 10:41:51 AM)

I have to agree with all that have posted here. However it is his final decision on how you should approach him. Ask him to explain to you how he wants this approach to appear, learn it, and use it. I would not take any of our advice and assume it is correct for him. You have to communicate, always.


Good luck in your training,
Cel



handsofpleasure -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 1:04:22 PM)

You should be careful that when you bat those eyelashes that he doesnt respond with some lashes of his own. Most doms have a way that they prefer to be approached, you should ask.



velvetvixen -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 4:45:32 PM)

My question is why is your Sir making you "guess" how He should be addressed. Although it is not my place to question, I must. It would have been a lot easier for both of you if He would have simply told you how He would like this to happen in the future.



Ellis -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 8:29:03 PM)

This is such an interesting topic to me, since I am fairly...well, completely...new to this scene. I mean, I've tied ex's up in the past, but it was never a committed D/s relationship. And the concept has enthralled me since I've dipped in. This is the conundrum I am facing, and it comes to mind with your questions. What about initial contact? Is this to be initiated by the sub or Dom? I guess it can go either way, but whether I'm gentlemanly or aggressive, I can hardly get a response to an email on this site. Is my picture that appalling?! Hope this doesn't seem like too much of a diversion from your topic, Teachme, but all this talk of batting eyelashes, bowed heads and politely phrased questions, has gotten me a little bound up. It's supposed to be the other way around. My response to your question as an aspiring Dom is this, your sincere submission is my requirement. I don't have time to teach you to be sincere or how to express it. Just be sincere. Peace and love to everyone, from the compassionate, sometimes desperate, Dom. [8D]



teachmetobeg -> RE: approaching Sir (3/1/2005 9:58:51 PM)

Sir has actually suggested that i come to this message board and ask. He knows that i am knew and often will "rephrase" what i say as to how He would like me to say it to Him.
i am new to BDSM and i have not batted my eyelashes to Sir. i knew in the first couple of conversations that simply would not work. i try to remain respectful at all times and am always sincere in what i say to Him.
Thank Y/you to all who have posted a reply with suggestions. Perhaps i will approach Sir in a different way so He will discuss more with me.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: approaching Sir (3/2/2005 6:55:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ellis
What about initial contact? Is this to be initiated by the sub or Dom? I guess it can go either way, but whether I'm gentlemanly or aggressive, I can hardly get a response to an email on this site. Is my picture that appalling?! Hope this doesn't seem like too much of a diversion from your topic, Teachme, but all this talk of batting eyelashes, bowed heads and politely phrased questions, has gotten me a little bound up. It's supposed to be the other way around.

Why? It can be any way they want, doms love being seduced as much as anyone. As long as everyone knows what's going on and the sub doesn't PRESUME to take authority by seducing, it's all good.

quote:

My response to your question as an aspiring Dom is this, your sincere submission is my requirement. I don't have time to teach you to be sincere or how to express it. Just be sincere. Peace and love to everyone, from the compassionate, sometimes desperate, Dom. [8D]


If you don't have time to teach someone how to show or express sincerity, maybe that's why others don't have the time to respond to you.



Ellis -> RE: approaching Sir (3/2/2005 8:13:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Why? It can be any way they want, doms love being seduced as much as anyone. As long as everyone knows what's going on and the sub doesn't PRESUME to take authority by seducing, it's all good.

If you don't have time to teach someone how to show or express sincerity, maybe that's why others don't have the time to respond to you.



Fair enough, Emerald Slave. I do love being seduced as much as anyone. And I see a submissive as a very powerful person. That's the buzz or high, right, surrendering the power? My statement that I'm not supposed to be the one 'bound up' was my brand of frustrated humor, just to clarify. And once again, I will teach anything that I know. I thrive on communication, in any form. But can you teach someone how to be sincere? Maybe you think so, and that's fine. I agree that you can teach gestures and signals, and thats all fine and good. I have no problems there. But sincerity is born when one opens their heart. That power is always in the submissive. It's a choice. Which is exactly why Doms can't go around claiming any sub they want just be being bold or crass. I'm just trying to clarify here, because I think I may have been misunderstood. If I am approached with a bowed head, or a specific phrase, or downturned eye, these things are not critical as much as sincere submission. That's just my starting point, and I think that's fair. Never said I was rigid.[:-]



Tempestspet -> RE: approaching Sir (3/2/2005 8:36:32 AM)

You said that in the past you used the batting the eyelashes, which is cool. If it's playtime, and especially if it amuses him. Or just if it's a lighthearted day, and meant in good nature, and not just trying to gewt him to do as you wish..... in no way I'm accusing you of this. ..smiles.. just an example.
Perhaps, he's wanting you to dig a little deeper, since you are new, and find new perspectives. Ultimately, how you aproach him, will be his decision, and his preference. When he rephrases for you, that's the way he would like you to do it. Just make sure you remember those things.
Perhaps, his telling you that you and he will talk, when you aproach him the right way is his hints that you may need to pay closer attention to his examples. Make sure you put those examples he give you, into action. And not use the actions or behaviors that had to be corrected.
Maybe take a look at the "certain subjects" that he says you'll discuss when you aproach properly, you may find an answer there too. Are these certain subjects more serious than the ones where eyelash batting is good, when the nature of the conversation isn't light and cute?
Just trying to help figure out when it's ok to bat, and when it apropriate to give a topic due respect, and levity.
Hoping I helped at least.... alittle.... smiles


Tempest's pet



teachmetobeg -> RE: approaching Sir (3/2/2005 10:28:28 AM)

Tempest's pet, Yes you have helped as have many others here. Thank you for your insight, what you said sounds like something Sir would tell me ~laughs~ Two perfectionists together is a strange and wonderful thing.



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