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Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 1:46:01 AM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

Ok ladies, I know many of you deal with the same issues I do on a daily/weekly/monthly/annually/occasionally basis. I am just feelng total apathy. I have given myself until the 1st of February to screw around, slack off, and generally waste time. What do I do about these feelings of apathy in the meantime? Do I embrace this general malaise? Do I pretend I am not feelin it and go on beating those who I feel apatetic towards? DoI go on sabatical for 2 weeks? I'm just......... so not in a dominant frame of mind........ I'm just in a "thank god I made it through my first holidays without my mom, significant other, and with friends and family 3000 miles away"......... I dunno if I'm even looking for advice, sympathy, or just needing to rant......

ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

Post #: 1

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 3:27:51 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

What do I do about these feelings of apathy in the meantime? Do I embrace this general malaise? Do I pretend I am not feelin it and go on beating those who I feel apatetic towards? DoI go on sabatical for 2 weeks?

I sooooooooo know exactly how you feel, but have too many things going on inside and outside of family to sort through... And yet don't have the answers for you, or myself for that matter.*shrugs*
I do have a few kool family members who will not let me get into a total funk; and the Fetish Flea fair in MA is coming up, so I definitely can't go on sabatical for 2 weeks, at least not until after that affair, since it's one of the few community/lifestyle things I partake in, and am looking forward to it.
So, I've just added my rant, and will hope you come to feel better and more positive soon.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 2

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 6:58:22 AM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

My mother used to say, "if it weren't for the bad times, you wouldn't appreciated the good times as much"

Life is a cycle, up and down, good and bad, fun and not fun, etc.

Sometimes time is all that's needed to get through a funk, sometimes you need someone to talk to, in some cases medication may help.

A few day or few week funk is quite normal, if it becomes prolonged then there may be other underlying problems that may suggest you should get help.

_____________________________

These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

Beware, author is often sarcastic in his replies - most often, no sincere offense is intended.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 3

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 8:17:28 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

As others have said, life is a cycle.

If you find that you are feeling this way only after certain events (family, job stress, etc) you might want to look at the cause of the stress and ask how much you really benefit from having that stress in your life.

If you find it is seasonal, there are some treatments like more sunlight that can help.

You might also just want someone to talk to.

As it relates to BDSM I think it affects certain aspects but not necessarily all of them depending on the relationship.

If your relationship is very much about you the top being active and assertive all the time, these feelings will certainly put a damper on them.

But if your relationship is also about your getting cared for, you may find that cranking that part up during these times can help bring you closer to your partner(s).

Ultimately I think in a good relationship you should be able to tell your partner "I feel like crap/depressed/angry" whatever and they will support you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 4

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 11:51:30 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I take mini vacations away from the Pro side.
There are times when I dont even want anyone in My house.
Instead of fighting it...I give in,take some time for Me.
ReEvaluate what I'm doing where its going and start fresh a week or two later.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 5

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 12:05:39 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

wallow in your apathy....

If you mean in terms of clients, there are those that would find an abject apathy hot, I bet.

But when you mean you are apathetic right now and you are giving yourself two weeks, then do what you said you would do, you are the dominant!!!!! LOL...

Read, swim, relax, watch the boob tube, go to a spa, whatever you want, and don't think about it.......period. you are young and will have the rest of your life to apathize (LOL)...no hurry to do it or contemplate it now!!!!!

Laugh, fly, be free, have fun............

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 6

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 3:33:06 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I am not a Professional Domme but I still want to answer.
Why not just take a "break" for a while? Step back and do
what YOU want to do if possible.
I am SO sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, this was
my 2nd Christmas without having my mom physically here{ I talk to
her all the time, thats another story} but it is the hardest thing I have ever
dealt with.
Take care of you, and like a dear friend told me...."Take baby
steps".
I will be honest, I focus on the basics a lot lately, and I enjoy
doing nothing a lot.
I don't apologize...either.
I am so bad somtimes, I buy things and don't put away the non-parishables
for a while. LOL I have bags lined up....to hell with it.
This is your life, be good to YOU.
Keep us updated on how you are feeling.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 7

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 4:16:11 PM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

Thank you all, I have really felt warm fuzzies reading the responses here and the personal emails.

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 8

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 6:47:47 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I feel for you.

Thank god I am not a pro or I would be sooooooooooooooooo broke!!!

I have been in a relationship funk for months now. Someone I cared for a great deal just did not work out and it kinda took all the wind out of my sails. Funny part is that I am not depressed or anything in any other part of my life. I just kinda don't give a shit one way or another about having anyone. I am open to the idea if someone should come along but don't feel the need to make it happen.

I know your not necessarily talking about a relationship but it still takes effort, alot, and I understand about not feeling like putting it out there.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 9

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/19/2007 7:43:56 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

You have clitoris dysfunction........they got pills for that slick.

Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 10

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/20/2007 2:00:40 PM

EarthGoddess52

Posts: 70
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

I can certainly understand what you're talking about. I just came through a period of "general malaise" around the holidays. I never really suffered from Cabin Fever when I lived in Alaska, but that's one rationale I'm using now even in "sunny" California where night temperatures have been unseasonably cold. Another reason for your mid-winter "funk" may be the phases of the Moon. There's something to the fact that with the waning Moon so decreases our energy level and joie de vivre. But now the Moon is waxing once again and hopefully for you and us all that means our moods will pick up!!

Feel Better!
theEarthGoddess

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 11

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/20/2007 2:04:44 PM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

You have clitoris dysfunction........they got pills for that slick.

Ron(ne)

*grin* my clitoris is perfectly functional LOL it's my mindset, and yes, I know they have pills for THAT too

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 12

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/21/2007 4:05:46 AM

iwearpanties

Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline

Demistress

frsit off hope alls well with you. weve never spoken or im but i know what your feel we just lost too family member one 2 days brfore Xmas the other days ago so my heart gose out too you ...

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 13

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/21/2007 6:22:43 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

You have clitoris dysfunction........they got pills for that slick.

Ron(ne)

I tested last night and found that things are fully functional. Just a little checkup yanno.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 14

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/21/2007 7:25:38 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Then you are obviously capable of the act, but just at present don't seem to give one.
To LT and demistress

LOLOLOLOL,
Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 15

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/21/2007 7:38:53 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

If it keeps snowing like it is right now here I may end up with frozen parts!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 16

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/21/2007 10:17:16 AM

jcolbert14

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

As others have said, life is a cycle.

If you find that you are feeling this way only after certain events (family, job stress, etc) you might want to look at the cause of the stress and ask how much you really benefit from having that stress in your life.

If you find it is seasonal, there are some treatments like more sunlight that can help.

You might also just want someone to talk to.

As it relates to BDSM I think it affects certain aspects but not necessarily all of them depending on the relationship.

If your relationship is very much about you the top being active and assertive all the time, these feelings will certainly put a damper on them.

But if your relationship is also about your getting cared for, you may find that cranking that part up during these times can help bring you closer to your partner(s).

Ultimately I think in a good relationship you should be able to tell your partner "I feel like crap/depressed/angry" whatever and they will support you.

I feel it has to do with the fallout of the holidays. All that activity and stress coupled with the joy and cheer can be draining on a person. I would love if my Domme would understand this feeling and would be willing to work with me.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 17

RE: Overcoming apathy - 1/21/2007 2:58:04 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Over the years I have discovered that My 'down times' vis a vis BDSM are usually preceded by a lengthy period of time where I've allowed the submissive to dictate the status quo; never intentionally, it just gradually goes topsy turvy if I allow the sub's needs to become My primary focus...especially to the point where they supercede My own needs.

When I burnout and become apathetic I generally have to take stock of My own needs and set about developing a plan where My needs will be met as opposed to the sub's expectations. (I would be happy to cite specific examples of such a plan if you care to email Me on the other side.)

I find that if the sub goes beyond compliance and figuratively moves mountains to please Me when I go through such a spell, the feeling of apathy is quickly replaced by rekindled passion and interests.

If, on the other hand, the sub remains either whiney or resistant, or indicates any unwillingness to do what I've requested of him, My apathy turns into a state of disconnected malaise - for which the only cure is to eventually release that particular sub and move on.

I believe that if I were a Pro Domina, I would dictate My needs to My clientele during such a period of time and those who jumped the broom to comply would remain clients; those who complained, backed up, resisted or whined would be happily turned away from My door.

Just My thoughts.

Good luck with whatever respite you seek.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 1/21/2007 3:01:38 PM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 18

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