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Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 10:21:41 AM

MsCameron

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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This was inspired by another thread on "looking for the one".

To be honest, I don't hold much with the concept of the "one".

If that's a result of being in my late 40's or already having been married once (got the t-shirt and threw it out) then so be it.

I can and do love intensely but it doesn't mean I have to set up housekeeping. Nor does it mean I have to make life plans. Nor does it mean that my partner is involved in every aspect of my life.

What it does mean for me is that I enjoy the hell out the relationship without spending a lot of time worrying about what's to come, or rather what's suppose to come.

Anyone else feel this way?

MsC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

Post #: 1

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 10:48:36 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Love and emotions have very little to do with relationships succeeding long term.

(in reply to MsCameron)

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RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 11:11:29 AM

ruffnecksbabygir

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Joined: 1/4/2005
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i'd say that respect and trust are among the foundations to a long and healthy relationship, among other things....but if there is no love there is nothing left to build a relationship on...without love and emotions what you have is a room mate.

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~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 12:43:19 PM

quietkitten

Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

i'd say that respect and trust are among the foundations to a long and healthy relationship, among other things....but if there is no love there is nothing left to build a relationship on...without love and emotions what you have is a room mate.

Unfortunately you have just described my current relationship to a "T"

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)

Post #: 4

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 1:21:28 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

i'd say that respect and trust are among the foundations to a long and healthy relationship, among other things....but if there is no love there is nothing left to build a relationship on...without love and emotions what you have is a room mate.

I totally agree. There's something that isn't really addressed, though.

Many couples after the first few months (or years) have passed fall into a routine, and forget the importance of trying new things. We've all seen it in chat rooms, where someone is obviously a bored ______ and so overwhelmed by the idea of a 'new' lifestyle, that they completely lose interest in the old, boring lifestyle. They believe they have fallen out of love. In the end, while this might be true, more likely it is that they are still in love, but have fallen into a rut without trying to make their lives new and interesting. They didn't need a new life, they simply take the old life for granted. One of the things most important to me is showing my partner every day how important she is to me. If I can't do that, or don't feel a need to do that, then I doubt the relationship will last much longer.

Love doesn't get old, it just gets neglected.

Stephan

_____________________________

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)

Post #: 5

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 1:37:16 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This was inspired by another thread on "looking for the one".

To be honest, I don't hold much with the concept of the "one".

If that's a result of being in my late 40's or already having been married once (got the t-shirt and threw it out) then so be it.

I can and do love intensely but it doesn't mean I have to set up housekeeping. Nor does it mean I have to make life plans. Nor does it mean that my partner is involved in every aspect of my life.

What it does mean for me is that I enjoy the hell out the relationship without spending a lot of time worrying about what's to come, or rather what's suppose to come.

Anyone else feel this way?

MsC

Yes! I completely agree. A freedom of being older is that I've thrown the "how it's going to happen" book out the window. I don't try to control the journey as much, and I'm open to multitudes of possibilities. In good, and some sad, ways my life looks nothing like what I thought it would when I was younger. Two of my closest friends are 29 and 30, and this is the one area that they don't relate to; but they are in their reproductive years looking for (or dealing with) the hubby and kids. I'm not looking for a man to parent with. I would love to meet someone to grow old with, but if I am with a bunch of men before I kick it, then that's what my path is going to be and I'll enjoy it :)

(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 6

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 4:28:16 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

I can and do love intensely but it doesn't mean I have to set up housekeeping. Nor does it mean I have to make life plans. Nor does it mean that my partner is involved in every aspect of my life.

What it does mean for me is that I enjoy the hell out the relationship without spending a lot of time worrying about what's to come, or rather what's suppose to come.

Anyone else feel this way?

MsC

I agree and have also wondered whether it has to do with age because I too am divorced and in my mid 40's. I look at the relationship without the main focus on whether this is someone I'm going to marry and, as you say, set up housekeeping with. The proverbial happily ever after scenario.

Basically, I take it for what it is and leave the door open to a multitude of possibilities without the expectations of anything in particular. If long term setting up housekeeping feels right, I'd welcome that. If not and we were happy with what we had..........that's fine too. The relationship itself is more important to me now than whether it's heading down a specific course.

harmony

(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 7

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 4:56:57 PM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
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From: Indiana
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I like what Voltare said "They believe they have fallen out of love. In the end, while this might be true, more likely it is that they are still in love, but have fallen into a rut without trying to make their lives new and interesting." Isn't that one of the beauties of a BDSM relationship..we don't fall into that category of bored so easy?
As for specifically trying to find a "one" and with that fulfill some need for love, I think even if we are not looking to set up housekeeping necessarily, we all need, or at least want, that feeling of love. In my case I was fortunate enough to have found another after the typical "that fell apart" which I do love very dearly, but because we are both Dominants (yes it works fine) we also have that need to find and have feelings with others, hence subs or slaves make excellent pets..lol. But seriously on that, can that second (or whatever) relationship be built on love..I don't know that it can be built on it, but I do believe it is quite possible to have love in it. Is it necessary? Probably not, but I would think it would be much more successful, particularly if the future plans spoke about were involved. I don't know that everyone needs love, but I have to believe we all want it...kink is fine but that warm feeling inside is hard to beat (no pun intended).

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(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 8

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 6:08:44 PM

Darthbetta

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Joined: 12/16/2004
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I disagree.

< Message edited by Darthbetta -- 3/1/2005 6:09:12 PM >

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Post #: 9

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 7:51:05 PM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

I disagree.

While I do not necessarily believe that in the entire world there is one person waiting just for little ol' me and since I didn't take the Venitian vacation last summer, I missed him, I do believe - even in my early 40's, that the possibility of finding a lasting relationship is very real.

While one type of love is the intense, emotional, heart-pounding, panty-wetting type, that's not the love that going to maintain a permanent relationship. There are other relationships attributes that are significantly more important. Without honesty, communication, trust, shared interest and genuine liking, someone described it as compassionate love, there is no long term anything.

newflowers

(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 10

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 8:15:00 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Many couples after the first few months (or years) have passed fall into a routine, and forget the importance of trying new things. We've all seen it in chat rooms, where someone is obviously a bored ______ and so overwhelmed by the idea of a 'new' lifestyle, that they completely lose interest in the old, boring lifestyle. They believe they have fallen out of love. In the end, while this might be true, more likely it is that they are still in love, but have fallen into a rut without trying to make their lives new and interesting. They didn't need a new life, they simply take the old life for granted. One of the things most important to me is showing my partner every day how important she is to me. If I can't do that, or don't feel a need to do that, then I doubt the relationship will last much longer.

That is exactly what happened to me, about 5 years ago, and it led to me getting involved in this lifestyle outside my marriage. Fortunately Hubby embraced it once i finally told Him about my new found interests.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 3/1/2005 8:16:39 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 11

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/1/2005 9:13:07 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

i'd say that respect and trust are among the foundations to a long and healthy relationship, among other things....but if there is no love there is nothing left to build a relationship on...without love and emotions what you have is a room mate.

Or possibly a service-oriented relationship.

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)

Post #: 12

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/2/2005 5:20:13 AM

MsCameron

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Shayna and harmony :)

Yes, you got it. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Thank you,
MsC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to Shayna)

Post #: 13

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/2/2005 7:34:01 AM

WulfMan

Posts: 115
Status: offline

My question is how do ya'll define love? For me and my better half, I define love as having a common set of goals that are intertwined between each person, binding us as one. Passion and love are two different things, sometimes you can have one without the other. This is just food for thought. I personally am incredibly happy with my relationship, and probably am planning on marriage. Granted this is coming from a view of a 20 year old. I still have alot of things to do and see, but I would be comfortable in laying down some roots.

(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 14

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/2/2005 9:07:15 AM

handsofpleasure

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Joined: 2/15/2005
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having reached the ripe young age of 51 I have had a number of very loving relationships in my time. I agree that there is not necessarily "the one" out there somewhere pining away for my company. Relationships, to be successful, require the same committment, dedication, communication, and hard work that anything takes to be successful. you wouldnt start a business and then not show up every day so why do it with someone you love? Ive always felt that relationships have a lot to do with where you are in your life. I think that for some people, meeting and staying together for life may be right and they can grow together, but for some people, like me, relationships dont necessarily fit into the life long partner mold. But relationships are like plants, if you dont take care of them every day they wither and die.

(in reply to WulfMan)

Post #: 15

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/2/2005 9:24:16 AM

ruffnecksbabygir

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Joined: 1/4/2005
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i know i will get all to disagree with me on this but hey it's just the way i see it, i believe the only unconditional love that truly exists is the love of a mother to her child...not to say that all mothers have that pure true unconditional love inside them, but for the most part that for me is the truest most unconditional love....that's only my opinion folks.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to handsofpleasure)

Post #: 16

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/2/2005 9:38:58 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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I believe all love is unconditional.

I also believe all relationships should be conditional.

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)

Post #: 17

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/2/2005 9:45:23 AM

ruffnecksbabygir

Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
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there is always condition....if i love you but you keep hurting me, and not in the good way *grins*, there will come a time when my love will turn into hate, or simply fade.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 18

RE: Love does not mean.... - 3/2/2005 3:32:01 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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The "ONE" or a "ONE"

is that somebody you can love, trust, and see yourself being happy with and they feel the same about you. For any relationship to work, both ppl normally have to change and or make comprimises as well as sacrifices. In the end, it's usally worth it but that's for you to decide before you enter the relationship.

As for your thoughts, Life can only garuntee us Death and Taxes.

Attachment (1)

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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Post #: 19

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