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Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 1:40:16 PM   
tucsonsoftly


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		 
I am a service-oriented subbie, single and actively seeking an understanding Domme.
I am wondering if there are particular mannerisms, demeanors and dress styles that do or would publicly convey the message "Submissive Here".
I often wear soft pink polo shirts, for example, but my efforts usually and mistakenly convey the message "Gay" instead. What should I do to convey my message without being blatant?
Thanks much for the input.
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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 1:52:05 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Hi Chuck

Convey signals to whom though? Prospective Ladies I assume?

The problem with such signals is, that they have to be understood for their intention, by those with whom you might come into contact, without being possibly perceived as weird and/or offensive to others. For me at least, the pink polo shirt means either "stylish guy who doesnt care that pink is a "girl colour"" or "possible gay male" depending on demeanour.

There is meant to be some system of wearing something on the left or the right (I dont recall which side!), for subs out there, though I only heard about that here and no one I know ever heard of it!

I would guess my opinion would come down to being yourself and frequenting places where youre more likely to find dominant Ladies, rather than seeking them in the general population by way of mystical signals that not everyone knows!

E

< Message edited by LadyEllen -- 1/20/2007 1:54:07 PM >

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 2:16:02 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

There is meant to be some system of wearing something on the left or the right (I dont recall which side!), for subs out there, though I only heard about that here and no one I know ever heard of it!



On the East Coast it was Left=Top, Right=Bottom.

I don't know if it's different on the West coast but my guess is no however the hanky code maybe but that's primarily for gays and lesbians in the club/dungeon environments.

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 2:17:19 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline



Submissives old Leather & Old Guard societys can wear a leather band on the right wrist to convey they are a bottom. I think with the way people wear dabg near anything in today's public communities that's not going to help you much.
The sign of a good sub is to keep your eyes to the floor and to only speak to answer someone's direct questions. That in public lifestyle communities conveys you're submissive, lol or depressed or shy if not a sub.
Pretty much I'd suggest you go up stick out your hand and introduce yourself as Hi, I'm so and so I'm a sub. That's direct, but at least you'll get your message across t those you wish to convey that to.

Now a days it seems the common outward things to show you're a sub short of a guy dressing in drag can easily be overlooked.
Good Luck to you and I hope you find what you seek,
suzanne



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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 4:59:44 PM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		What you're asking for is tips on how to judge the book by it's cover - you can't do it.  I do remember, once, opening a door for a lady, who thanked me, saying "good boy!".

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 8:36:08 PM   
tucsonsoftly


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		Actually alwayzron, I am asking for just the opposite. I am asking what type of cover to put on the book to subtly but clearly protray the genre of the book, and to elicit the type of esponse you describe once receiving.

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 9:17:02 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tucsonsoftly

Actually alwayzron, I am asking for just the opposite. I am asking what type of cover to put on the book to subtly but clearly protray the genre of the book, and to elicit the type of esponse you describe once receiving.


What would catch my eye would be if you wore a small chain link necklace with a small padock on it.  I'm not talkng a dog chain here.. jewlery.  

http://www.puretnt.com/collars.html

http://eternitycollars.com/shop/index.php?cPath=18



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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 9:23:59 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		I like to think of these things as "kinky window dressing." I.e. they are there for people who might be looking but not obvious to those who aren't. An armband or leather bracelet on the right side does symbolize "bottom" or submissive in those communities that still follow the tradition...There is a nice "bdsm yin yang" as I call it, it looks like a chinese yin yang with 3 parts instead of 2 that can be worn on a necklace or keychain. The leather pride flag or D/s flag, etc., can be bought as a small sticker for your car or anywhere else you want to display it. These are just a few ideas. I don't know how well they will work but, it's something right?

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/20/2007 9:28:56 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

I like to think of these things as "kinky window dressing." I.e. they are there for people who might be looking but not obvious to those who aren't. An armband or leather bracelet on the right side does symbolize "bottom" or submissive in those communities that still follow the tradition...There is a nice "bdsm yin yang" as I call it, it looks like a chinese yin yang with 3 parts instead of 2 that can be worn on a necklace or keychain. The leather pride flag or D/s flag, etc., can be bought as a small sticker for your car or anywhere else you want to display it. These are just a few ideas. I don't know how well they will work but, it's something right?

Yes, they have the bdsm trefoil on a key chain on the  second link I posted above :)

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/21/2007 3:23:32 AM   
iwearpanties


Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		ive never heard of any type of things too wear too shows your top or bottm but i had a Mistress she had me wear a the pink cancer wrist band as sign to her onwer- ship of this sub  i know thats a diffrent thing all together  but would but intresting if there where a national sub/ bottom /Top   way too tell others into simular things what you are ...

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/21/2007 7:23:15 AM   
blmtrsne


Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline 		Our couple just have obvious subtile signs:
- he gets my glass of wine, has to ask money for that,
- I sometimes tell him not to eat or drink something,
- he has to be galant towards all females,
- I order him around in a subtile way...
- He always asks wether I need something else
- When (girl)friends are at home, I just relax and let him serve drinks and prepare meals...
Girls tend to understand little signs like that.

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/21/2007 8:05:44 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blmtrsne

Our couple just have obvious subtile signs:
- he gets my glass of wine, has to ask money for that,
- I sometimes tell him not to eat or drink something,
- he has to be galant towards all females,
- I order him around in a subtile way...
- He always asks wether I need something else
- When (girl)friends are at home, I just relax and let him serve drinks and prepare meals...
Girls tend to understand little signs like that.

 
DITTO!
 
I forgot this simple easy way.  Slave has always done things like you mentioned.  When we go out for a meal, he does things like fix my coffee the way I prefer, cut and butter my bread as well as for all those seated at the table. If anything is needed he'll flag down the waitress/waiter . Pull out my chair. And the word "gallant" fits the submissive males' ourtward behaviour (to me at least)

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/21/2007 8:15:09 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		i was at a leather shop in NY state once, and they had a T-shirt that said "If you can rope me, you can ride me"...
Oh foo, subtlety takes all the fun out of everything.
The triskele is a clever design, because it doesn't stand out to vanillas, but has gotten pretty good exposure in the BDSM community. It will let people who are involved in D/s know that you're kinky, then it's up to your mannerisms to convey your inclination.

...dave

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RE: Public Expressions of Submissiveness - 1/21/2007 5:51:19 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		tucsonsoftly,

At work, a male colleague who is quite outgoing with everyone else suddenly began calling me 'Ma'am' every single time we came into contact.

He markedly lowered his head, lowered his eyes, and placed his hands behind his back when speaking to me, even in a group of co workers.  Not so much that everyone would notice... (anyone else at the office would assume that he was merely sucking up to me so that I would approve the account in question for a big sale),... but just enough so that I definitely noticed and began to wonder whether BDSM was the reason for the definitive behavior.

Having encountered seriously negative repercussions from BDSM elements in the office before, I was reciprocally polite but did not pursue him.

I did, however, receive a Celtic pentagram as a gift this Holiday season, and wore the gold medallion and chain to the office with my usual ensemble, fairly secure in the knowledge that only another BDSM afficionado would suspect it's meaning.

The first day I wore the pendant, the co worker saw it.  As he briefed me on the account he had come to discuss, I flipped a ball point pen deliberately onto the floor in front of him.  He froze in place, hesitated a brief moment, then knelt down on one knee to pick up and return the item, head bowed. 

I smiled and said, 'thank you boy'.

He blushed crimson and I saw the grin on his downturned face.  "You are SO welcome, Ma'am," he replied and then whispered "anytime I can be of service".

It took a year for me to be certain of his motives and orientation. 

We have happily progressed outside the office, since then.

Ditch the pink shirts and opt for protocol.

; )

TexasMaam


< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 1/21/2007 6:12:10 PM >

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