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julietsierra -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/22/2007 6:35:12 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: domiguy
As far as question #1) Many people live this life 24/7...and the results have been possibly costly...(potential loss of friends, family etc.) or spending so much time on one aspect of your personality(or maybe this is 100% who you are....and everything else is secondary?) that the cost could also be potentially the time spent doing "this" could have been spent elsewhere? That is what I was eluding to with the first question. Just thought it was provoking...There are many things in the past that I have spent my time on...that in hindsight,at least, could have been managed better, and at worse, were a complete waste of Domiguy's time.
out.
D.G.
p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers...as well as MsOpal.
Domiguy, I understand your concern here, but if I may, I'd like to approach your question somewhat differently, and instead of defending why I do what I do, I'd like to point out a similarity with another life change that more people are familiar with and accept as pretty natural.
Way back when, when I was a young and single woman, I did things that young and single women did. I went to the bars with my girlfriends, I went camping with my girlfriends, I spent a lot of time with a lot of men that I'd met and enjoyed knowing in a variety of different ways. Some were just my buddies. Some were kind of like second brothers to me. And some were boyfriends and lovers and well, one night stands. I had a great time.
Then one night at a party that I'd gone to with a male friend and sometimes lover, I met another young and single man. We met, we spent a lot of time together that evening, exchanged phone numbers and eventually went out on a date. That date led to many others and eventually to the point where I dropped all the other male friends, and sometimes lovers, and stopped going to the bars to pick up men with my girlfriends. When my family was doing things together, they got upset because I wanted him to be there doing those things with me. Eventually, the young man asked me to marry him and I said yes.
By this time, my girlfriends were more than upset. They were angry that I wasn't going out with them to the bars and picking up men anymore. The other young men I'd been seeing were not real pleased either. "Why do you want to tie yourself down with just one person?!" they'd ask. My family just wanted me to go on to finish school and forget all this marriage nonsense. NO ONE was happy with my decision.
In the months that followed, we planned a wedding and I started spending most of my time with him. We started doing things with people that accepted us as a couple and pretty much stopped doing things with people who just wanted us the way we were when we were single. And I have to admit, that this decision to marry cost me some friends because they couldn't accept that there was this man in my life that I was choosing to be with above them, It wasn't that I cared less for them, but it was that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
When we married we were the first of our friends to do so and both his friends and my friends were none too happy, and the cost of our marriage included the loss of some of the friends on both our parts. I mean face it, we weren't going out to pick up men and women anymore. A fun Saturday wasn't filled with days at the beach in the summer and all that. We had other obligations and found our fun in other ways.
The thing is, no one finds this change odd. Afterall, it's a change that's pretty much expected when people choose married life over single life. But now, we're talking about something that's more than a bit off the beaten path, and instead of marriage, we're talking about a BDSM relationship. Except that it's still pretty similar.
When people do this 24/7 with the Master/slave, Dominant/submissive of their choice, they are making a decision as to how they want to live their lives. They are, in effect, choosing to not be single - even if matrimony isn't a part of their lives. And all of a sudden, people are up in arms about how detrimental this all is to their friends and family.
To that, I'd say yes it is. But if someone's going to walk away from a friend because they've that friend has someone they feel comfortable with, then it's a chance they have to take. Yes, people talk about the possibility of losing children and all that, but honestly, people who divorce and then meet someone else in the vanilla world, depending on the ex-spouse face that possibility as well. There are some mean-ass people out there and whether they're vanilla or involved in bdsm, mean is mean. If they're going to pursue custody because someone has a Master, Dominant, submissive, slave, then I'm pretty much betting that they'd have done this even if the new people were boyfriends, new husbands, girlfriends and new wives.
So, I don't think that being involved in bdsm is that different from being involved in vanilla relationships. It's more the stigma that WE attach to what it is we do out of fear over being found out than something we do because we're SO bdsm-y.
So, I don't think that this life is that different from vanilla and matrimony. Time is time, and when we choose to be more exclusive with our time, chances are, there will be some people we know that will have a problem with our choices. It just doesn't mean our choices are wrong.
juliet
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