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tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/21/2007 10:02:05 AM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		Tying the knot takes on new meaning when one thinks of blending bondage and marriage.  I am thinking of doing that someday and thought I would invite whatever reflections you all may have who have been married to a woman who is a submissive or slave, as a bondage marriage.  Yes, I understand that all of the pressures and difficulties of a "traditional" marriage would be part of a bondage marriage.  Are there any special challenges I need to know? I presume that boundaries may be an issue, the boundary of Master to slave/sub at times (dominance and submission) and then the boundaries of husband and wife (shared decisionmaking).

Recommend tying the knot, legally?

Master Lark
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/21/2007 11:48:53 AM   
Midearthtrainer


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		First and foremost is: Will the two of you still be together, if there is NO lifestyle activities, after 6 months? 1 year? 5 years?  25 years?   If the answer is no or maybe, then rethink the marriage. A marriage can include a lifestyle, but cannot be based upon it.
That said; you can include in the vows - love honor and obey. You can write your own vows, to include that which is important to you. It's your ceremony.
This is a realtionship any way you look at it. Being a lifestyle based realtionship, it has to include some lifestyle elements in it everyday. If not, you will find that the everyday vanilla things tend to take over. Consistancy is the key. No matter how your relationship is structured, keeping things going, keeping things alive is important down the road. Who said, it had to include shared decision making?

(in reply to MasterLark)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/21/2007 11:56:32 AM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		imho, a D/s oriented relationship equals commitment, in that commitment, marriage is for me is equal.

my viewpoint is Master/ slave D/s dynamic has prospective roles. 

marriage is two bonded together. it's natural to me that if the emotional, common interests, and lifestyle choices are all there, then why would you not want to cherish that bond and make it legal?  It seems like a no brainer to me, if you are committed and 24/7 D/s oriented. 

for me it's a no brainer.

(in reply to MasterLark)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/21/2007 12:43:29 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Midearthtrainer

First and foremost is: Will the two of you still be together, if there is NO lifestyle activities, after 6 months? 1 year? 5 years?  25 years?   If the answer is no or maybe, then rethink the marriage. A marriage can include a lifestyle, but cannot be based upon it.


i think this is the most important thing to consider. assuming one or the other of you felt the need to go vanilla and did not want to share in the physical or psychological aspects of the lifestyle, or were ill and couldn't participate in the physical aspects of the lifestyle, how would that affect your relationship, especially if it were a permanent change?

that said, i take a 24/7 d/s relationship as seriously or more seriously than marriage. he and i are planning to get married at some time in the future.

(in reply to Midearthtrainer)
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Marriage and slavery - 1/21/2007 1:37:21 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

Tying the knot takes on new meaning when one thinks of blending bondage and marriage. I am thinking of doing that someday and thought I would invite whatever reflections you all may have who have been married to a woman who is a submissive or slave, as a bondage marriage.




The idea of a slave bride is a beautifull thing. Of course, this makes her more than simply a slave.

(in reply to MasterLark)
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RE: Marriage and slavery - 1/21/2007 1:41:07 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		makes her more than a slave?
Makes her more the slave!

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to amayos)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/21/2007 4:15:20 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Getting married is for some and it works for some. For me it is no different than a vanilla marriage. You still have daily life to deal with. Work, bills, kids etc. It just happens that one is a Master and one a slave. Dynamics and expectations should be laid out and talked about way before the marriage happens. 

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to MasterLark)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/21/2007 4:32:03 PM   
wyldsubmissive


Posts: 157
Joined: 5/7/2005
Status: offline 		I take this example from a couple friend of mine and their take on a BDSM marriage. These two started out as friends, both dominants and after a while she actually realised that she wanted this man, her friend to be her Master. Needless to say it floored her, (literally, she awoke about an hour later on the kitchen floor with a broken dish beside her). Their wedding night he placed her over his knee and told her he would never have a wife, and that the ring on her finger was only for insurance and tax purposes. Then he preceeded to beat her ass and subject her to everything possible. They're been together for 9 years total, as both friends who were yet to be married and as Master & slave. They couldn't be happier.

That's my example from a different perspective if you will.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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RE: Marriage and slavery - 1/21/2007 4:35:35 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:


The idea of a slave bride is a beautifull thing. Of course, this makes her more than simply a slave.


More than simply a slave -- true, but could you say more?

(in reply to amayos)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/21/2007 4:39:01 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		wyldsubmissive

Why do you think that BDSM marriage of 9 yrs has worked so well, apparently?

(in reply to wyldsubmissive)
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RE: Marriage and slavery - 1/21/2007 11:04:00 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

The idea of a slave bride is a beautiful thing. Of course, this makes her more than simply a slave.


More than simply a slave -- true, but could you say more?



Certainly. I'd be happy to describe how I see it.

When a woman becomes a slave, it is (we hope) a deep covenant of personal subjugation, where the meaning of the term is correctly applied. If so, she may be kept for many years, discarded at a whim, and in certain circles, even sold by her Master. As a slave, her life in relation to her Master is one based foremost upon her station as personal servant. When one adds to this purity the dual status of wife, her role has inevitably changed. She is no longer simply a slave to her Master, but a conjugal element in his life. She is now a slave and a wife.

Marriage holds the moors and tethers of a socially and legally recognized institution of courtship. As such, she is bonded to him, not only in the underworld in which they dwell, but in the prevalent one, too. She is, legally and culturally, of his family, and he, of her family.

(in reply to MasterLark)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/22/2007 12:58:10 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I'm not a Master, but hope you don't mind some input from the flip side of someone who is both slave and wife and some of the challenges which I faced in coming to grips with the 'wife' part. One challenge stemmed from how I view 'wife' which is as an equal partner/decision maker in relationships. As a slave my input was/is often requested and often times of a nature to be implemented if it's sound and Himself determines it is the best course of action for any given circumstance. As a wife, I thought such input would not only be mandatory, but have equal weight. (I was wrong, but I'll get to that in a second.)

We added 'wife' to the mix a couple of years ago, after I had already been collared to him for several years as his slave. I had the hardest time wrapping my head around the idea that I had an 'equal' say in the relationship, the decisions etc. and I cried a lot over the idea and my new reality.  It felt as though my foundation had crumbled and I had nothing to stand on. It took me several years to embrace the idea of being his slave, knowing it was my inner truth in the relationship I share with Himself and then, in the blink of an eye, there was a change in the core of the dynamic and I was, quite literally, lost.

Ugh.. anyway, long story short, coming to terms with what Himself believes his wife to be and what I thought a wife 'should' be turned out to be two different things. In essence, what has changed is something quite simple .. my name .. it's his name. He owns it and anything I do reflects on it. I am a caretaker for his name, nothing more, nothing less in terms of our marriage. Yes, there is insurance and certain rights and all the things that go along with being his wife in the eyes of the law, but there is nothing so important as upholding his name to the best of my ability .. and I do that by doing what I do best.. which is serve as his slave. I am not 'simply' a slave.. nor am I simply a 'wife'.. I am simply His.

Celeste



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MasterLark)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/22/2007 4:14:11 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

I am not 'simply' a slave.. nor am I simply a 'wife'.. I am simply His.


*smiles* Wonderfully said BitaTruble

Master and I married last month, and I'm in the process of changing my surname to His - I finally got the marriage certificate last week. I never realised how many things I'd have to change, after having the same surname for almost 30 years!

I don't see how being married is going to make a whole lot of difference to the way we live. He is still my Master, I am still His sub. We are in a relationship first, and the D/s completes us.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/22/2007 4:31:47 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/22/2007 9:28:45 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing this Celeste.  

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/23/2007 1:53:01 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I'm not a Master, but hope you don't mind some input from the flip side of someone who is both slave and wife and some of the challenges which I faced in coming to grips with the 'wife' part. One challenge stemmed from how I view 'wife' which is as an equal partner/decision maker in relationships. As a slave my input was/is often requested and often times of a nature to be implemented if it's sound and Himself determines it is the best course of action for any given circumstance. As a wife, I thought such input would not only be mandatory, but have equal weight. (I was wrong, but I'll get to that in a second.)

Celeste


So I appreciate how you resolved the above dilemma, but I suspect it may not be that simple.  Do you (and others) believe it can work that a woman can be both a slave, as you describe, and a wife who does have equal weight (and for a man to be a Master who controls and a husband who shares)?

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/23/2007 6:44:37 PM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Midearthtrainer

First and foremost is: Will the two of you still be together, if there is NO lifestyle activities, after 6 months? 1 year? 5 years?  25 years?   If the answer is no or maybe, then rethink the marriage. A marriage can include a lifestyle, but cannot be based upon it.
That said; you can include in the vows - love honor and obey. You can write your own vows, to include that which is important to you. It's your ceremony.
This is a realtionship any way you look at it. Being a lifestyle based realtionship, it has to include some lifestyle elements in it everyday. If not, you will find that the everyday vanilla things tend to take over. Consistancy is the key. No matter how your relationship is structured, keeping things going, keeping things alive is important down the road. Who said, it had to include shared decision making?


First I want to say that this "lifestyle"  means different things to different people, so my reply is not a condemnation of anyone's perspective but rather a view into mine.

I couldn't see a relationship (girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, part time lover etc) for me that would not be based on this "lifestyle" (I put lifestyle in quotes because for me it's not a lifestyle, but rather the way I am). I have never had a relationship with a woman that did not contain some elements of this lifestyle (and that's been 20 years of relationships of varying degrees) as I tried to find that perfect person for me.

For us, marriage was a way to say in a socially acceptable way to the public that we were commited to each other for the long haul. The details of the power dynamic are none of anyone's business though most that know us realize quickly the way things are. Personally I feel this is the only reason people should get married no matter if they're D/s or vanilla.

My wife/slave does not have an equal say in how things happen. If we are together we follow the path I dictate to achieve our goals. If she desires to go her own way then that breaks both our marriage and our "lifestyle". Legally she gets half (and deserves to as it was my guidance that created the material things we have but she has worked just as hard to achieve them). So the marriage and the lifestyle, at least for us, is one and the same.  

MG

PS we've been married for 8 years, and together for 9.

< Message edited by MasterGremlin -- 1/23/2007 6:45:30 PM >

(in reply to Midearthtrainer)
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RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/23/2007 7:43:42 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

So I appreciate how you resolved the above dilemma, but I suspect it may not be that simple. 


::chuckles:: I don't know if it's simple or not as it took me the better part of two years to come to grips with being his wife and what that meant to him. I had to change my own thinking and realize that what it meant to 'me' didn't matter because, first and foremost, I am his slave. There are ways I can service his desires as a wife that I could never do as a slave because of the protection of the law. As his wife, I am a partner (just not an equal partner). Himself wanted me as his next of kin. He wanted me to carry his name. He wanted me to be able to care for him, legally, should the need arise, to make decisions regarding his estate, to take care of his final arrangements upon his death, to speak on his behalf to banks, insurance companies, lawyers etc. and he decided that getting married was the best way to ensure that all he desired was attainable and nothing he wanted would be prevented due to some legal technicality because we didn't have a piece of paper that the government or his family would recognize as a valid declaration of my status in regard to him. As we have aged together, those things have become more important than they used to be.

quote:

Do you (and others) believe it can work that a woman can be both a slave, as you describe, and a wife who does have equal weight (and for a man to be a Master who controls and a husband who shares)?



Almost anything is possible and there are probably some folks out there who do want that dynamic and they are happy and content in living that way ... but, no, it's not possible for me ..  not today .. but feel free to ask me again tomorrow. :)


Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MasterLark)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/23/2007 10:37:20 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have been putting a lot of thought lately into if I want to marry, how I want to marry and how that relates to a collaring ceramony. The bost I can come up with is that in pledging to be his wife I promise to be his support, his shelter (for even dominants can be tossed around by life), to make his life easier as best I can and to be his companion for life. In pledging to be his submissive/slave, I promise the same things. The only difference is that he puts a collar around my neck instead of a ring around my finger. Well, that and who I invite ;-)

Marriage isn't for everyone and marriage means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It has a lot of useful legal rights. I would recamend it for those planning to have children but otherwise it's such a personal decision that it's hard to say.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: tying the knot -- bondage marriage - 1/24/2007 2:26:33 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		MasterGremlin says -- " My wife/slave does not have an equal say in how things happen." And they've been married for 8 years, together for 9. And it works for them.

Anyone else with a bondage marriage that is more than 7 years? I tend to be interested in the long perspective to see what issues tend to surface over time with any confusion over the Master/husband role and the slave/wife role.


(in reply to MasterGremlin)
Profile   Post #: 20
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