Offputting?

Offputting? (Full Version)

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MaryT -> Offputting? (1/21/2007 3:11:10 PM)
If you and a submissive were seeing each other, just having fun - neither party particularly into the 'love&marriage' stuff but quite D/s with each other ... AND the submissive had trip planned which was paid for out of an inheritance ... AND the trip was going to happen whether or not the Dom accompanied AND the submissive really, really, really wanted the Dom to come along (no family-type trip - a vacation in Ireland for two), would it be offputting (mess up the power dynamics) for said submissive to offer to pay for the trip ... since it was going to be a trip for two regardless of who accompanied her (one of her kids, a girlfriend, etc.)? Would that bug you (insomuch as the D/s angle is concerned)? MaryT

demistress -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 3:16:48 PM)
Off-putting? As long as the sub understood that any and all decisions were still the Dominant's to be made, I see no issue at all, in fact I would enjoy such a trip if I enjoyed the sub's company.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 3:20:25 PM)
As of yet, my Master has never declined a gift from me. In the best of worlds, the submissive would ask dominant about it directly, if she was uncertain.

Celeste43 -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 3:23:11 PM)
Forgetting about the D/s, if I was just seeing someone casually and he offered me such a trip I would probably decline. I wouldn't feel right being indebted to a casual friend for that expensive an item. I wouldn't be sure we would enjoy each other's company for that long either. Two weeks living together is a hell of a lot different from going to dinner, playing together and then going home to your own place.

topcat -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 4:42:14 PM)
Dear Mary- in the past, I have been in just such a situation twice, and neither time was it much of an issue for me. OTOH, I can easily see where it might be an issue, for various reasons, for others. Talk to him about it, and stress that he'd be doing you a favor as a traveling companion, and that you don't see it as indebting him in any way. Stay warm, Lawrence

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 6:55:33 PM)
Nope- think of it as a great service perk they can provide. http://www.collarchat.com/m_73308/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#73308 Where does money come into it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_85402/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#85402 Money Matters http://www.collarchat.com/m_86294/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#86294 The control of money http://www.collarchat.com/m_140655/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#140655 Money and sexism in bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_276420/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#276420 financial decisions http://www.collarchat.com/m_472811/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#472811 In the beginning, money issues

MaryT -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 7:06:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Nope- think of it as a great service perk they can provide. Thanks very much, LA, and thanks for the links. [:)] Thank you to everyone who responded. MaryT

Arpig -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 7:14:49 PM)
Nope....worst case use the old "what is mine is yours" excuse. If the dom is so insecure in his/her dominance that who pays for the trip matters, then I would suggest reexamining the dynamic.....and a lot of uncomfortably honest talks

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Offputting? (1/21/2007 10:02:17 PM)
No, it wouldn't bug me. A gift is a gift, no matter from whom. Master Fire

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Offputting? (1/22/2007 5:01:33 AM)
I think it's fine if you are not expecting anything other than having a good time and make your feelings known that the Dominant isn't indebted in any way. That is, no expectations or strings attached. The trip shouldn't in any way be seen from the perspective of "I'll do this and in returnyou do that for me" unless conditions to the trip are discussed and agreed upon. That way, no one is obligated or manipulated and if the Dom feels indebted, well............that's on him, not you. LBO

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Offputting? (1/22/2007 5:15:10 AM)
I dont see why being ased along on a trip that is planned and hapeneing wth or wthout them would cause an issue. It is not a if you are putting yourself at a major financial disadvantage to include the Dom. You are not going to be hurting to give him this gift, and as you said, its a trip for two no matter who accompanies you. Unless the Dom in question has some insecurities about allowing someone else to pay their way for something (and some do) then there shouldnt be a problem. Enjoy your vacation DV

onestandingstill -> RE: Offputting? (1/22/2007 7:21:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MaryT If you and a submissive were seeing each other, just having fun - neither party particularly into the 'love&marriage' stuff but quite D/s with each other ... AND the submissive had trip planned which was paid for out of an inheritance ... AND the trip was going to happen whether or not the Dom accompanied AND the submissive really, really, really wanted the Dom to come along (no family-type trip - a vacation in Ireland for two), would it be offputting (mess up the power dynamics) for said submissive to offer to pay for the trip ... since it was going to be a trip for two regardless of who accompanied her (one of her kids, a girlfriend, etc.)? Would that bug you (insomuch as the D/s angle is concerned)? MaryT I took my 1st Master to Antigua with some inhertiance money I got on my brithday last February. Neither of us consiered this as a toppy move at all, but rather a gift I could provide him. suzanne

toservez -> RE: Offputting? (1/22/2007 7:36:53 AM)
I do not see any difference in this then a similar normal relationship. A person does not want to travel alone and wants someone they care for even if it is just casual to go along. I do not see some false obligation in that at all. Who wants to go on a vacation all by themselves? What dynamic of your power exchange will be changes during the trip or none at all can easily be discussed between the two of you before embarking.

proudsub -> RE: Offputting? (1/22/2007 12:56:04 PM)
Offputting--dang i was hoping this was about golf, i would love to be off putting right now instead of watching the rain fall.[:o]

MaryT -> RE: Offputting? (1/22/2007 4:17:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudsub Offputting--dang i was hoping this was about golf, i would love to be off putting right now instead of watching the rain fall.[:o] You and me both, but snow golf doesn't sound fun. :( Thanks again everyone for your thoughts.

RumpusParable -> RE: Offputting? (1/22/2007 4:37:14 PM)
No, it would not inherently cause damage to the dynamic for me. Even if the sub bought the trip specifically for us it would not, so long as they did so as a service and remembering their place with me. Mindset and intentions are the issue. So long as those were correct, who pays is just a minor detail to me.

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