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RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 10:22:16 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		If someone seriously thinks there is abuse going on in your relationship then they are going to go to the "victim" and ask if they are okay. No way would someone who is concerned about abuse going to go to the abuser. That's just a way to get a victim even more abused. So I say good on the friends who checked in with you first.

I agree with those who say that it's possible you two are overdoing the D/s in front of vanillas though. If they are getting bad vibes from your interactions, then there's too much going on. You need to discuss how to tone things down when you are with those friends while still keeping the dynamic in place.

(in reply to Coupleseeking321)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 10:22:32 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleseeking321

I should clarify, these are his friends, or friends we have in common. He's hurt because they haven't come to him about it and they basically told me I should leave him. He's never been rude to me in front of them but he will make requests of me. Or sometimes I'll ask for something and he'll say no. I don't think he's crossed a line in his public treatment of me. I guess I could be wrong though.



these people do not sound like very good "friends", if they are going behind his back and suggesting you leave your Master. i agree with your Master's initial reaction, cutting them out of your lives. they are showing a blatant disrespect for you, the relationship, and most importantly, your Master, who is supposedly a "friend."

it may seem harsh, but i have been down a similar road...i was able to retain NO friends from my former life once i became a slave, because they simply could not understand or accept my new lifestyle. they thought i was mentally ill and that my Master was just an abusive monster, brainwashing me to his will. He ordered me to cut them out of my life completely, which is what i did, and although in the beginning it was painful just because i was so lonely, i understood that it was the right thing to do.

(in reply to Coupleseeking321)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 10:47:34 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		They are doing exactly what the majority of friends and acquaintances do...They have expressed their concerns to you...should they have gone to him? Probably. But maybe they view you in a different light then him, maybe they feel you are more approachable...Whatever!

You are 19.  They are showing concern.  So the interaction between you and your Dom, obviously in front of them, has raised some suspicions.  It is your choice...but the damage may have already been irreparably done to mend fences at this point. 

Don't be so niave to to think that people will accept you...Based on the fact that they are friends or family..."Let's invite over Domiguy and sub susie....I hear she drinks his piss...It will just be lovely sharing their company once again."  ( I know this is too much information...just an exagerrated example)...Also don't be stupid to use the analogy that "true" friends should accept you no matter what...it's bullshit! They won't and don't.

Or maybe you should go as far as explain to your employer the specifics of your relationship..and just watch the promotions "roll in."

Human nature is a bitch.

Maybe it would be easier to explain that you are gay. And this is how "gay people act"...lol. (that is something that at least they can wrap their brains around.)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers


(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 11:14:47 AM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleseeking321

Recently several of Master's friends have come up to me with concerns about how he treats me. They don't know about our lifestyle and they are misinterpreting the things they see. I have no idea what to tell them other than I'm happy and safe in my relationship. I told Master about this and he's very hurt and no longer wants to associate with these people, I still do. How the heck do I keep our friends and allay their concerns?
Any thoughts would be great.
Leahslave


I am sure your Master is overreacting.  He should be grateful that His friends care so much about you that they would ask. 
What I tell well meaning friends is that O/our relationship is not an "average" or "normal" one and everything that happens between U/us is consentual and has been thoroughly discussed.  If they ask more questions then I assume they are ready to hear more about what type of relationship W/we have.  I am careful though, not to give details or too much information.  It is alot for a well meaning friend to absorb. 
Cordially,
minxy

(in reply to Coupleseeking321)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 11:35:13 AM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleseeking321

I should clarify, these are his friends, or friends we have in common. He's hurt because they haven't come to him about it and they basically told me I should leave him. He's never been rude to me in front of them but he will make requests of me. Or sometimes I'll ask for something and he'll say no. I don't think he's crossed a line in his public treatment of me. I guess I could be wrong though.


I find this is very common when "mingling" with vanilla friends.  They are vanilla and cannot be expected to react to Y/your relationship dynamic in any other way.  Your Master also needs to understand this and while it does hurt, they have no idea what type of relationship Y/you have. 
You will simply have to explain to them that He is the "leader" in Y/your relationship and is "incharge" of whatever you have been asking Him.  Let them know that you are agreeable to this and that while you understand that this type of relationship doesn't work for them, it works for Y/you and Y/you are both very happy. 
Cordially,
minxy .

(in reply to Coupleseeking321)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 12:15:35 PM   
Coupleseeking321


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the advice. I think a lot of interesting points have been raised, some I don't agree with but hey. I'll  discuss all this with Master and see what he thinks.
I certainly hope our friends aren't as shady as some people suggested but anything is possible. I guess pray for the best and prepare for the worst.

< Message edited by Coupleseeking321 -- 1/22/2007 12:16:09 PM >

(in reply to Coupleseeking321)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 1:00:55 PM   
MasterBKM


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline 		agrees with LA

_____________________________

submission is a gift you cant take

(in reply to Caitriona)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 4:43:46 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, since they're HIS friends, I'd just laugh and make some kind of joke about how they're all just jealous because he has someone who LOVES to do things for him and that you are in awe because he's figured out that telling you what to do gets you hot and then, you BOTH win in this game called love.

Not every single serious inquiry has to be taken seriously. And all too often, when they are, there winds up being nothing you can say to convince them that you're just fine, whereas for some reason, joking about it all seems to be more accepted.

I mean, just THINK how they'd react if a serious and heartfelt inquiry from them was met with lots of genuine laughter and  "Oh Tom (to pick a name out of the sky)! You're just jealous because he's figured out the key to turning me on! I mean seriously! What do you think he's doing to me anyway? Spanking my ass or something?!" followed by more laughter, and a hug along with thanks for being concerned and that you two are fine and life is good.

juliet

(in reply to MasterBKM)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 6:16:45 PM   
wednesday


Posts: 93
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		wow... i disappear for a year or two and...

anyhow.

So your master is hurt that people question your relationship.  Fair enough.  First time I showed up somewhere with a black eye (which happened while we were sleeping, anyhow, so it was extra funny) people were falling all over themselves trying to offer me a "safe place."

You and your master might want to discuss how much you're willing to share with your friends, just to make sure you're on the same page.

And you might want to decide if he's really in a position to tell you who you can and cannot see.  Not to speculate toooooo much, but it sounds to me like he's got his panties in a twist because HIS friends went behind his back to try to rescue YOU.  Either way, anyone who tries to keep you from people who are trying to help you out of love (whether they are misguided or not) is, possibly, not acting in your best interest.  Sounds like a selfish little kid, to me at least...

(in reply to Coupleseeking321)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When Friends Think Abuse - 1/22/2007 7:17:45 PM   
asassylilslave


Posts: 93
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleseeking321

Recently several of Master's friends have come up to me with concerns about how he treats me. They don't know about our lifestyle and they are misinterpreting the things they see. I have no idea what to tell them other than I'm happy and safe in my relationship. I told Master about this and he's very hurt and no longer wants to associate with these people, I still do. How the heck do I keep our friends and allay their concerns?
Any thoughts would be great.
Leahslave

Personally, I would tell them to mind their own business.

(in reply to Coupleseeking321)
Profile   Post #: 30
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