Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know you're ready?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know you're ready? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/22/2007 10:33:48 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I agree with FireMaam but I would add one important thing.  Write down what EXACTLY it is you fear.  Be brutally honest with yourself.  Then look at those fears and find ways to address them, either by ensuring you are making better choices about smaller but similar things (think friends vs. lovers) or issues like physical safety.


Perfect advice.  Sometimes we may be more ready than we think, but we allow our fears to hold us back, telling ourselves we aren't ready, when really, we are just scared.

Michael, you just blew your rep for being shallow right out of the water.    

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/22/2007 11:38:32 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		cjenny: I will let you know when I find out the big secret. I have the sneaking suspicion it isn't going to be easy.

Noah: My dog has Liver cancer. I found out today - but thanks for asking. I am trying to decide what course of treatment will be best from him. Oscar is just the wolrd's best doggie. I wasn't online tonight because I was just too upset. My heart is breaking. Great advice about the dancing though - and I have a good gal friend who just loves that stuff. Appreciate the advice.

MasterFireMa'am: When I read your posts I always wonder how one woman got all this common snese and wisdom. Thanks.

SimplyMichael: Good advice. This will take several pages, maybe a whole notebook, btw - but still very good advice. Thnaks.

cloudboy: I gotta love you, hon. You Scorpios are just so intense (that's a good thing, btw. Hugs!).

darksdesire: Very good advice. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

You guys are all so nice. Sometimes I just feel so darn lucky! Thank you, all.
And everyone else who wrote me, too.

-Susan 




_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 2:08:09 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		You are smart and will think out whatever it is you are fearing. One thing not mentioned and one that usually causes a debate is use of the internet. It is a giant sifter where you can find someone you may click with on many levels before you have a real time meeting. 

Since you write so well, you will do well in that medium and learn much about the other person at the same time. Just remember it is not just how well they write, but certain traits you pick up. Obessiveness, maybe having to win every point or lack of humor would be warnings to me. Things like that, but also note the positive ones. You do get a feel for the person after awhile.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 2:15:28 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		ExSteel: I alway appreciate your intelligent and well-thought out replies. It is very good advice you give here. I will heed it. Thank you so much, and I appreciate the vote of confidence, too (it meant a lot to me, especially now).  

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/23/2007 2:25:20 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 2:34:26 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry for your loss and your previous unfortunate plight. When it is right you will know..as you need not be forced by others via peer pressure or undue pressure on yourself.
Things take time to recover from. Emotions take longer than the physicals to respond.
When it is right you will feel it. http://www.theimaginaryworld.com/prremiums167.jpg

Give it and yourself time.

Ross

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 2:36:37 AM   
MasDom


Posts: 375
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, still watch out for your self.
Some times I feel were all to eager to find were we belong.
Never passioned enough to devout honesty, and time to it.
   But i,m sure you'll be wary.

I,m sure when I say this we all mean it.
I wish you the best of luck...
May whoever you eventually find
be all you had hoped for,
   and more then you ever dreamed of.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 2:41:48 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		SirDiscipliner: Thnaks for the encouragement and the link! I appreciate it.

MasDom: Thanks for the reminder it is okay to take time to process my emotions. I appreciate that very much.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MasDom)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 6:11:06 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		susan,

IO can appreciate your fear as you move from the net connection to real touch connections, but in reading your new revised profile, I doubt that your intelect and instinct will fail you.

Making the connection within the D/s path is the easiet by binding your time without setting a time frame. Get interactive via the chat rooms here, and find that chat personality that might click and slowly let it develope.

In a thread where I was the OP you partisipated well, now get into chat and let it flow.

CP

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 7:44:56 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		CelticPrince: Thanks for you helpful comments - I appreciate them.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 8:32:38 AM   
Celedane


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline 		We've all been at the lake, wade in to our ankles- it's ok, wade in to our knees, ok now it's suddenly chilly.  I always start off with the idea of warming my body to the water a segment at a time.  In the end, I just jump in.  It's freezing, makes you gasp, but once you're in, it's worth it.  Just like men and women, just beware of the riptides they can possess.  There's a lot of things you just have 'to do' to do.  It might be unpleasant or uncomfortable or any other emotion, but if being partnered is worth it, you'll take the plunge

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 9:03:44 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
MasterFireMa'am: When I read your posts I always wonder how one woman got all this common snese and wisdom. Thanks.


Lots of mistakes, lots of introspection, therapy, observation and, to some extent, DNA. Oh, and a Mom that shared and offered advice, but let me be who I am.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/23/2007 9:43:52 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Celedane: Yep, you're right. That's about what I figured (are you listening, cjenny?)

MasterFireMa'am: Tell me, please, when your new book goes on sale - I want to buy a copy - I do, really. Thanks.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/26/2007 9:18:26 PM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

SirDiscipliner: Thnaks for the encouragement and the link! I appreciate it.

you are welcome indeed. There are many who are very positive and supportive here.

For a bit of losing yourself in art you might wish to try this:
http://www.coudal.com/moom.php

See how many you can lose yourself in.

Ross

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/27/2007 3:56:35 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I don't actually have any advice that hasn't already been said. I second the idea of dancing, taking your time, and above all else enjoying yourself. Just wanted to wish you well and good luck. You deserve it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 1/27/2007 5:03:37 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Just remember after all is said and done Susan...it's a bit like the lottery "You can't win if you don't play". Everyone eventually has to get back on that damned proverbial horse and take a chance that they might fall again.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 2/15/2007 3:02:41 PM   
SATANMAN


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		i showed my sub, before things happened, my toys and it went from there

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 2/15/2007 3:09:29 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well, I've been on CM for over a year now. And for that entire time, I've been seeking "just friends" - and I've met a few. Sometimes, I've felt like changing my profile, and stating I was seeking a partner, but something always held me back.

I mean, this past year has been a real challenge. I lost my husband of 15 years to bone cancer, and then I got re-involved (briefly) with my first (and only) ex-Dominant - a situation that ended in non-consensual physical abuse, where I almost ended up with a broken arm and ribs, and now - my dog is sick, and probably has cancer (I realize this last thing won't make sense to some people as far as being upsetting, but believe me, it is upsetting).

However, I am really feeling I still need to start seeking someone. I do feel major parts of me are indeed "ready for that". BUT -

I am Scared. I really am. I haven't "dated" anyone is a long, long time (as far as my ex-Dominant is concerned, I'd known him for years before I ever knew he was into Bdsm, so that wasn't an issue in that situation, for me). 

I don't know what to do -  I feel like I don't know what I am doing, or what to look for, etc. - I am just at a loss. I am kind of worried I'll end up with someone who isn't really "my type" because I am lonely, or else I will miss someone who could be the "love of my life" due to my own stupidity, somehow. Maybe it sounds silly, but I feel like a complete novice when it comes to this "seeking" stuff.

Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks. 


I'm confused...wasn't there a couple of threads recently wherein you were asking questions relating to a "Daddy" dominant that you are/ were (?) involved with?

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know y... - 2/15/2007 3:43:01 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, that could be confusing, I suppose - I just found someone who I hope to have a good future relationship with about 2-1/2 weeks ago (right after I wrote this thread topic. I refer to him as my Daddy, (whether other people want to think that's "appropriate" or not doesn't matter to me really. Not that you were criticizing, but I do feel I was ready for a relationship - and some people have written me telling me I am not ready yet. I was ready, although I admit it happened fast, it's all been good so far).

We are still just getting to know eachother, and things are looking great so far, for us. He is a very kind and considerate man, and very smart, too, and he seems to really think I'm great, too. I am flying to meet him where he lives in 3 weeks, and will be there for a week to 10 days.

I had previously been in a relationship with a Dominant for a little over a year - but that relationship ended (rather badly, I might add) in September of last year. In fact, I prosecuted him in court (at the insistence of my sister, who is an attorney), for physically beating me (non-consensually) to a pulp before I left him last year (but that's all over now). 

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/15/2007 4:06:40 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 38
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Sticking your toes in the water - how do you know you're ready? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109