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Sanity -> RE: Being separated from a support system (1/22/2007 8:57:04 PM)
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I don't care about the appearance of normalcy so much, which these days tends to mean that you're divorced. But we humans are social animals who need others in our lives in order for us to remain emotionally healthy. Some isolation can't hurt, though. And for training purposes it is often necessary, so there is a healthy balance that has to be maintained - and I strongly feel that it is my duty as Master to look after the emotional health of my slave by making sure that she has some kind of a social life, because she really needs that, just like she needs food and water. I would never do anything that the "normal" (divorced) world couldn't know about, even if I don't want everything published in the local paper, but still I like who I am and I'm comfortable enough in my own skin, and I have enough self esteem (and I know that life's good enough here) that I can let her go off to see her friends and family once in a while. She will continue to choose me, I am sure of that. But if not? Well then, perhaps I need to re-evaluate myself, and what I am doing here. And then again, maybe I just need a new slave... or two.
quote:
ORIGINAL: classykindasassy
One thing that grabbed me about the OP's statement is that "not telling anyone about their relationship" is not clear, and may leave people with an inaccurate view.
It's one thing to not have your sub disclosing details that people have no frame of reference for. You don't talk about your sex practices with co-workers or your parents, so there's nothing wrong with the gag rule on the BDSM element in vanilla society. It's another thing not to even be able to say you are in a relationship that works. That is fairly devaluing in my estimation.
Re "isolation" - I guess people do that and if they want to that is their bag. I don't see it as healthy. Especially when unexplained absence from the lives of family occurs. To disrupt the appearance of normalcy would seem to work against the dom and sub. People still get vibes from the unspoken.
In the case that a sub can't find a therapist who is kink friendly, the next best thing is to find a same sex friend in the lifestyle that can be trusted to be a stable point of contact - one who is capable of not buying into things that are inappropriate to interfere in, yet be a "safety release valve" for the sub. Women, and subs especially, need to be able to decompress the intensity of what we deal with, or things take 5 times as long to sort out. This can be very damaging to the sub and to relationships across the board.
IMHO it's not a healthy thing to assert an unworkable amount of control and isolation over someone's life who is expected to maintain a sense and appearance of normalcy in the world.
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