bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are

bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (Full Version)

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thaimeeuppppp -> bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/22/2007 7:54:08 PM)
NO doubt I seem retarded to those of you with alot of experience in the formalities of this lifestyle. I can not figure out why 2 subs or 2 Doms get together. Or do they always then need a 3rd party to fulfill them. When I find my Dom I assume he will have other slaves but i would see my primary relationship with him. I have no interest in sexually relating to another sub

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/22/2007 8:44:17 PM)
Thai- you need to figure out that this is not a one size fits all life. There are as many variations as you can think of as more. Why do they want more? Well, why do so many NOT want more? It's who they are and what works for them. You get to have whatever relationship you want for yourself.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/22/2007 8:47:35 PM)
You're allowed to want the kind of relationship you want. Some of us want something different. Some people are happier with a variety of relationships in their lives, some with authority-equal partners, some with Ds or Ms dynamics. But, it's good that you have a clue about what you want. Keep thinking about it and keep defining it. Sometimes, us poly people are here to help the mono people figure out what they DON'T want...and vice versa. Master Fire

SmokingGun82 -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/22/2007 8:53:28 PM)
Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. Sometimes it turns out your kinks don't completely match up. It's no different than vanilla relationships, really. Sometimes people's identification switches... they go from submissive to switch to dom, or vice versa, or some other combination. You end up with two doms, and maybe you try to work it out. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. But that's just my experience.

emdoub -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/22/2007 10:16:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thaimeeuppppp <...> I have no interest in sexually relating to another sub Um - you haven't met the other sub yet. [:D] There's more to attraction than whether they're dom or sub - which is one of the reasons that this web site exists. Sometimes, there's attraction that overtrumps the "are they dom or sub" question. When that happens, you get D/D or S/S relationships. It's not exactly common - but it's not precicely rare, either. For What It's Worth, I've noticed one thing - when you state, baldly, that you'll never want to do ________ - you usually find yourself eating those words somewhere down the road. At least, that's the way it worked for me. Good luck on your journey - and no, you don't seem retarded - I was much more clueless when I was getting my start. Hang in there. Midnight Writer Old pharts these days! Pathetic! When I was a kid, we had some real geezers!

hisannabelle -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/22/2007 10:34:33 PM)
can't say much more than has been said already. i very nearly got into a relationship with another submissive, and am still good friends with him and we've had sexual encounters in the past. i'm -extremely- attracted to him emotionally and physically, and although i couldn't see it lasting forever because it would never be a 24/7 d/s (and i'm happy with my owner), i would have loved to explore a relationship with him. sadly, he moved. there are plenty of couples who are D/s but the s is D to others, if you get my meaning...that's another common variation. but honestly, the only thing to say, really, is the fact that attraction - emotional and physical - is so much more than which role one enjoys playing in bdsm.

RumpusParable -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/23/2007 1:10:59 AM)
Mine is a monogamous dual-dominant household. I've no sexual attraction to those submissive to me, normally, and can not be in a fullfilling romantic relationship with one. My romantic partner and I are equals, with the exception of rare play. We each get our power-exchange needs met on a regular basis with others outside our relationship. My partner does so through vanilla power-related situations on a daily basis; I do so through real-time and online interaction with submissives and enjoy the local BDSM community here.

Zensee -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/23/2007 5:23:09 AM)
As long as both partners are mindful and respectful of each other's nature they should be able to work it out. I'd say that D/D couples are more stable. s/s couples tend to end up with one partner as the default Dom, which is not satisfying for either and leads to resentment by the designated dom. That's just my impression from my own circle of experience though.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/23/2007 5:28:58 AM)
I have been in perfectly happy Dom/Domme relationships that did not need a third outside party to keep us happy. The lifestyle does not need to run your relationship, if you have a good one, then incorporating the lifestyle becomes a choice not a necessity. We both had dominant personalities, and we were both active Doms when we met. The fact that for the few months we were together we didnt engage in any lifestyle activities didnt make us any less a Dom/Domme couple. Just because it doesnt work for YOU doesnt mean its not going to work very nicely for others. DV

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/23/2007 5:34:26 AM)
One's happiness does not come from another one but from within...just as I am not responsible for another's happiness. Ross

BBBTBW -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/23/2007 5:55:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thaimeeuppppp i would see my primary relationship with him. I have no interest in sexually relating to another sub All D/s relationships are not centered on sex. On the other post you made you focus on sex...Perhaps you should focus on serving and not the sexual aspect of this lifestyle. Sexual situations vary from person to person. You may find that the sexual situations (if any) you receive from your DOMINANT are not exactly what you want.

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/23/2007 6:28:35 AM)
IN most cases with a hetro dom dom couple one starts out as a sub/switch leading to after time a co equal as a dominent couple.A sub sub couple still has me scratching my head,do they discover bdsm after their relationship has started in most cases and many do need a third party a dom in the picture...Of course just the views of this "ol" MASTER...WILLIAM

TheShadows -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/24/2007 3:00:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thaimeeuppppp NO doubt I seem retarded to those of you with alot of experience in the formalities of this lifestyle. I can not figure out why 2 subs or 2 Doms get together. Or do they always then need a 3rd party to fulfill them. When I find my Dom I assume he will have other slaves but i would see my primary relationship with him. I have no interest in sexually relating to another sub thaimeeuppppp, Just for the record, D/Ds and S/Ss don't always get together on purpose. Whether most people like to admit it or not, vanilla shit usually takes up a lot more time and energy than we would like. I don't know about others, but for me, when something takes up the bulk of my time and energy, it tends to become my "default setting". When I look at my husband, his being Dominant rarely crosses my mind. He's my husband. The man I'm madly in love with. Vise versa. These are our default settings with each other. (Tangent: I find it amusing that the general misconception about Dom/Domme couples is that there is a constant power struggle going on in the relationship. That is not the case nearly as often as people would speculate.) Do we need a third party to fulfill us as a couple? NO. We could live on as we always have, with no one in our relationship but us, as equals, and as husband and wife. We'd both whine and bitch about not having anyone to beat on, but we'd go on and still be happy. Now...if you mean do we WANT a third party to fulfill a WANT, in our case, a WANT to hurt people, yes...we WANT a third party to fulfill our WANT of a slave to beat on. Those tend to come in handy when both of the people in the couple are Sadists. Do we need a slave to fulfill us as a couple? NO. If we can't fulfull ourselves as a couple, we don't need to be owning a slave. Just a random ramble at 5am...a snapshot from one source. In closing, I'd like to add that if people really are as monofaceted you seem to think they are, there'd be no need for site like this one. All Doms would pair off with all subs/slave for the sole reason that one is a Dom and one is a sub/slave. That would make this lifestyle, and life in general, really fucking boring. Great question, though! As always, YMMV... ~MrsShadows~

mp072004 -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/24/2007 5:57:19 AM)
My primary is a dominant, and so am I. We got together because we liked one another, and we've stayed together for the same reason. We didn't, by the way, start out with a d/s relationship, and neither of us has identified as a submissive. We like one another for a lot of reasons, and we determined that we could live with being incompatible in a few ways. It's much easier to deal with our few incompatibilities, which include BDSM tastes, when we have other people with whom we can indulge ourselves. To be most happy, we nurture other relationships with people who we top and dominate. We do this separately as well as together. It seems to be working well. Think of it like this: it's widely regarded as healthy for married couples to have separate interests, and to engage in those hobbies separately with other friends outside the partnership. Our hobbies just happen to be a little more intimate. Monica

RumpusParable -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/24/2007 10:03:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheShadows When I look at my husband, his being Dominant rarely crosses my mind. He's my husband. The man I'm madly in love with. Vise versa. These are our default settings with each other. Well said, TheShadows. This is much the case in my home. We function as equals, without the power struggle some seem to think must be there... we're just each other, and being dominants both make us have a, for us, healthy balance of strong personalities. He's just him to me, I'm just me, and we fell for each other. Being Dominants is just one part of who we each are, not the whole.

LaTigresse -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple ar (1/25/2007 3:12:23 PM)
Hell I once said I was straight and didn't much like sex at all, didn't even have a clue what BDSM or M/s was........who knew?

DavidsBabyGirl -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/29/2007 6:37:28 PM)
My daddy is DEFINATELY dom... There is no way in hell we would work if I was dom too. Im with a couple of you who still dont understand how it works. It SEEMS like they would both have to be switches to me...?? DISCLAIMER: Im not saying it DOESNT WORK... just still pondering how it could work. {thinking how daddy would react to a command from me...LMAO}

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: bear with me i am new here. But i do not understand what a dom dom couple or a sub sub couple are (1/29/2007 8:15:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavidsBabyGirl My daddy is DEFINATELY dom... There is no way in hell we would work if I was dom too. Im with a couple of you who still dont understand how it works. It SEEMS like they would both have to be switches to me...?? DISCLAIMER: Im not saying it DOESNT WORK... just still pondering how it could work. {thinking how daddy would react to a command from me...LMAO} How does a dom work with a little infant in the house? How does a dom work with a parent in the house? How does a dom work with a vanilla in the house? Being dominant doesn't mean unable to appreciate differences and understand that certain needs can be met without sacrificing dominance. For my aunt and her husband, they simply own a slave together.

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