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How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 6:30:45 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I am perplexed and I am questioning if I have a difference in style, mindset, philiosophy or if in fact I have the completely wrong end of the stick?  When I take on a submissive I work hard to make that relationship inclusive and considerate. In that if I am going to take them on in a specific set of circumstances I will work to include them in my life. ( ie house boy=they serve in a household capacity) on a regular basis. I feel it is my responsiblity to give them the opportunity to serve. If I take on a boy in an exclusive relationship in which he is required to be in daily contact and regular visits I make time for that to happen. He is included in the daily life of my family. I consider the submissives contract with me, his/her needs and what my expectations are for the relationship. I am explicit in what I require and what he should expect from me. 
 
 
Yet recently Ive come across several situations where the Dominant seems to be less interested in providing those boundries and when questioned about it simply says: " I am Dominant I dont have to do anything I dont want to" or "I am in charge and what I want is what I want, I answer to no one" It seems to me to be an apathy or unwillingess to give the submissive consideration or to be inclusive in thier mentorship.
 
 I mean that is what we do right.. mentor the submissive in their growth? Guide them in their journey through D/s? In doing so we get what we want control, service, adulation and they get what they want safety, admiration, praise no? So here is my question to what extent are your D/s relationships inclusive and to what extent do you give a submissive consideration?

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 6:56:34 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I think You have the right end of the stick and it is these other lazy ones that have the wrong end! For Me, both in My Dominant and submissive sides, D/s is all about inclusivity and about tailoring things to the individual. While I expect My needs to be met, I also expect to meet at least most of the needs of the sub too. Good luck in Your future endeavours and stick to Your ideals!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 8:36:17 AM   
shamedmale


Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I would just like to say that Ma'am Jay is a Domme who I have the highest respect for . You wont go far wrong if you follow her advice.  She certainly knows what she is talking about and has huge experience in dealing with subs.  I would concur with her observation that you need to consider most of the needs of the sub, after all we are all human, while at the same time it is necessary to insist as Ma'am Jay says that all your needs and demands are met. Firm but fair it seems logical to me.  Other Dommes will come on and tell you differently but look at their profile , are they experienced, experience is the greatest teacher and this is very true, tune in to the experienced Dommes out there, they like Ma'am Jay know their stuff

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 9:08:05 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		In my opinion, they are correct and you are projecting your own concerns and feelings about the subject onto other Dominants. We each have the right to run our relationships as we choose and, if the sub/slave accepts it, we can act as rude or uncaring as we wish. If it's laziness, we have that right.

As a side note: I think it's uncaring, too, and don't run my relationships this way...but I know those who do.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Sylverdawn)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 9:22:37 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I dont think Im projecting my own concerns onto other Dominants Im asking an honest question about level of intergration in how other sets up their D/s relationships? If I do things so very differently than others. I am not trying to be judgemental of their relationships am simply curious.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 9:22:55 AM   
shamedmale


Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		how did you become a Master

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 4:11:58 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		When I train I set aside hours each week to do the actual training plus time to plan and reflect on what has happened.

When I am beyond training and move onto ownership, I incorporate that slave into my household. Everyone in my household is loved (in some fashion) and everyone in my household is important. I make time for each person and I expect them to make time for me. Yes, I am the dominant and I get to say when that time is (outside of work obligations).

But only a fool would not make time for the people in their lives. Only a greater fool would stay with someone who did not make time for them.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 5:29:46 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		SylverDawn, could you clarify what exactly it is you are asking? 

Your original post here seemed to be more a complaint that others don't run their homes in the same way you do and/or you consider a dominant to be the same as a mentor/lover/family/counselor and did not understand or disapproved of those that did not function as a counselor/mentor/etc to their subs.

But then, your follow up post seemed to express that your question was about level of integration into the dominants life which is a different thing.

So, while I'd be interested in discussing it with you I don't understand exactly where you are coming from and what you are asking.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 7:52:57 PM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I dont mean it as a compliant..I am not particularly adapt in expressing myself in written form.. I was asking about the level of intergration, consideration and inclusivity in D/s relationships, and if so how and why are those levels determined and by whom and when.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 8:44:30 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn


I don't think your approach is unreasonable. I think it is more suited for a long-term relationship, and is a healthy approach for the type of relationship I sense you to prefer.

I think the I am dominant, I don't have to answer to anyone approach is more likely to cause a relationship to end. I think this approach needs to be tempered with realities of relationships, and emotions and needs of the submissive.

That said, I think BDSM relationships come in different flavors. In my opinion, not every relationship requires or seeks the mentoring that you enjoy and for which you aspire. And some relationships and circumstances may make integration with family impractical or inadvisable.

My two cents.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/24/2007 9:00:55 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Okay, I think I see what you're getting at.  I'll try to answer to it:

You stated, "I consider the submissives contract with me, his/her needs and what my expectations are for the relationship. I am explicit in what I require and what he should expect from me".  
 
This is exactly the case with me, it just sounds like the matches you and I make are different.  For my relationships I am not a mentor or counsel, I am a ruling authority; that is my nature in dominance and what those who choose to be under me seek. My matches aren't looking for "safety, admiration, and praise", just as I'm not looking to guide or mentor them.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
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RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/25/2007 11:37:22 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Lol.. given that maybe Im not a Dominant ..just a control freak..grins.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How much consideration do you give or do you expect? - 1/25/2007 12:03:58 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

mentor the submissive in their growth? Guide them in their journey through D/s? In doing so we get what we want control, service, adulation and they get what they want safety, admiration, praise no? So here is my question to what extent are your D/s relationships inclusive and to what extent do you give a submissive consideration?
I'm with you in that I believe the only way I can be in a relationship is if I feel all involved are relatively content with said relationship, from being heard to having their wants/needs met.   This in no way means I'm selfless...  I simply tend to be more receptive of attention from one who tends to be interested in those things I am.

I've met men who think I'm soft because I would be considerate (to a significant extent) to the sub/slave in my life; but I've also met/been contacted by plenty who say I'm dellsusional for wanting what I want as a female dominant particularly outside of the bedroom.    So who is right?   Nothing makes me more right outside of my relationship.   If the self absorbed, inconsiderated loud woman is fullfilling someone else's need to be used that way, who am I to say it's wrong?   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 13
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