Hesitation?

Hesitation? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

VerySpankable1 -> Hesitation? (1/24/2007 10:56:16 PM)
It has been sometime since I opened a profile on collarme.com. I was sent here by another submissive woman who thought I would find what I was looking for here. Anyway, the reason for this post is to ask other submissive women why there is so much hesitation with answering e-mails on here. I have been in the lifestyle for nearly 7 years now and don't understand why people who claim to live this lifestyle, want to join or find a couple, are not even interested in responding to e-mails. I have never been rude or even been obscene for that matter. I am a very kind and generous person and is only asking whether there is interest. Every e-mail that is sent to me whether rude or not I always respond to. Is it just because I have a little more respect or tolerance for such things. I don't have that much time on my hands but do find the time to answer any e-mails that are sent to me. Just wondering because I have sent many out, which have been months since, and have not received an answer to any even though i see that they have read them or they are online.

hisannabelle -> RE: Hesitation? (1/24/2007 11:28:47 PM)
often i just don't have the energy. i tend to weed out one-liners or emails from people whose profiles and messages say very little about them, unless there's something in particular i feel i need to say. sometimes i will even drift away from a conversation that's gone over several emails simply because i work two jobs, go to school full time, and occasionally feel the need to sleep. i love posting on the boards but one-on-one interaction these days in -any- realm - phone, messenger, email, etc. - is very difficult for me because even the most well-intentioned interactions can be draining. for this reason, i've put a disclaimer in my profile asking that people please not take such actions from me personally...if i don't respond to an email or chat request, it doesn't mean i don't love you; i often am just too tired to make much sense! hehehe. i'm sure i'm not the only one in this particular situation.

BitaTruble -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 12:25:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VerySpankable1 It has been sometime since I opened a profile on collarme.com. I was sent here by another submissive woman who thought I would find what I was looking for here. Your profile and journal entries are full of contradictions, so how is one supposed to know what it is that you are really looking for here? On the one hand you state: "i would like to explain that i am only here to find friends and be part of the community." In that same journal entry you state: "Searching for someone to join our family and in return we will give them experience in seeing and playing with a M/s couple." That's a contradiction. Two statements diametrically opposed to one another. Are you looking for friends or a play partner? quote: Anyway, the reason for this post is to ask other submissive women why there is so much hesitation with answering e-mails on here. I have been in the lifestyle for nearly 7 years now and don't understand why people who claim to live this lifestyle, want to join or find a couple, are not even interested in responding to e-mails. If it hasn't occured to you by now, might I suggest that the people you have written to just aren't interested in answering 'your' emails. That doesn't mean they don't answer those who do interest them. quote: I have never been rude or even been obscene for that matter. I am a very kind and generous person and is only asking whether there is interest. From your journal: "If you recieve an e-mail have the freakin respect to either say, not interested or even to say fuck off...lol..." Some might consider that rather rude. quote: Every e-mail that is sent to me whether rude or not I always respond to. That's 'your' way. That doesn't mean everyone else does things 'your' way. They do things their way. It's really as simple as that. quote: Is it just because I have a little more respect or tolerance for such things. I don't have that much time on my hands but do find the time to answer any e-mails that are sent to me. Some people don't want to waste their time on corresponding with those who they already know aren't right for them. They are not obligated to do so and no answer 'is' an answer. Even a response to an unsolicted email can encourage people to keep trying, so it's often in the best interest of someone to just ignore those emails which don't interest them rather than get pulled into some sort of drama which, perhaps, 'they' don't have the time for. quote: Just wondering because I have sent many out, which have been months since, and have not received an answer to any even though i see that they have read them or they are online. Within a few days of joining, you post a journal entry saying you will be gone for two weeks. When you come back, you are heading into the holiday season with Halloween, Xmas and the rest. You stated that you don't want to chat, don't have time to chat .. so people might read that as you don't have time for 'them' either. The end of the year is a very busy time for a whole lot of people .. you don't have time for them to even chat.. well, they don't have time for you to even write back. Also, you have been in your relationship for a year. That's not very long, so to go searching for a beta submissive (and they are a premium with couples being a glut) you need to really shine, to stand out above the rest and frankly, from your profile, your journal entries and now this rather whiney forum post, you don't stand out so why should people contact you just because they interest you? Obviously, you don't interest them or they would have returned your emails. You don't appear to offer any incentive either via your profile or your journal to give someone a reason to contact you. You tell them up front, they won't be long term, you are not the people with whom they will spend the rest of their life and you are just looking for experiences and experiences are all you offer in return. Experiences are a dime a dozen and can be had at any local dungeon or play event for the price of admission. Couple that with stating that you've sent out numerous emails and it can make one feel as though they are not special, really don't have any value other than as a play thing for you and your Master and pretty much no matter what they may do with you, they're not going to be allowed to stick around for the long haul. In other words.. I think you're trying to lay blame on the wrong people. It's not the submissives to whom you are writing that are the problem ... it's you. To attract the sort of submissive you want, you have to be the sort of person that submissive will be attracted to. Right now, that would be someone who is attracted to a whiney, bitchy, self-indulgent alpha with a chip on her shoulder who only wants someone they can use and then discard when they are done. Granted, there are people out there who will be attracted to that, but, it's rather obvious you're not writing to them. This was written in the spirit of constructive criticism but I seriously doubt it will be taken that way. Just keep in mind that I don't know you so am very objective when it comes to reading your entries and journal. Others may have a whole different take on it and if so, you'll probably hear from them and LA might even come around and send forth 100 links on this exact same topic. She's got more stamina than I do. Celeste

RedSavageSlave -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 6:13:00 AM)
[sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif] what more can I say~

juliaoceania -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 6:24:39 AM)
Celeste said most of what needed saying. I thought I would mention that perhaps you should start contacting everyone that sends you a credit card offer through the mail and make sure they know you are not interested in their offer. You might also be sure to answer all the spam that comes into your email, like make sure Brian knows you got his email about the wonderful deal he has for drugs or refinancing your home. Don't want to be rude do you? I think people forget that what we have on here are advertisements, nothing more, it really isn't personal when you do not respond to spam, and it is not personal when people do not respond to you. One person's dream is another person's spam mail

happypervert -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 8:19:33 AM)
quote: On the one hand you state: "i would like to explain that i am only here to find friends and be part of the community." In that same journal entry you state: "Searching for someone to join our family and in return we will give them experience in seeing and playing with a M/s couple." Thanks Celeste! Now I get it -- she's whining because she can't find a third. I think this is a first! Usually it is just male doms whining about fems subs not replying to e-mail, but now we have a woman whining about it too. Kinda nice to have a little variety on an old, worn out theme.

KatyLied -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 8:34:34 AM)
quote: Just wondering because I have sent many out, which have been months since, and have not received an answer to any even though i see that they have read them or they are online. Here's your sign: They are not interested.

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:00:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hisannabelle often i just don't have the energy. i tend to weed out one-liners or emails from people whose profiles and messages say very little about them, unless there's something in particular i feel i need to say. sometimes i will even drift away from a conversation that's gone over several emails simply because i work two jobs, go to school full time, and occasionally feel the need to sleep. i love posting on the boards but one-on-one interaction these days in -any- realm - phone, messenger, email, etc. - is very difficult for me because even the most well-intentioned interactions can be draining. for this reason, i've put a disclaimer in my profile asking that people please not take such actions from me personally...if i don't respond to an email or chat request, it doesn't mean i don't love you; i often am just too tired to make much sense! hehehe. i'm sure i'm not the only one in this particular situation. You are an exception I would imagine for those that I have read do not add any sort of information to whether they are too busy to respond to certain people or add disclaimer of some sort.

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:04:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Your profile and journal entries are full of contradictions, so how is one supposed to know what it is that you are really looking for here? On the one hand you state: "i would like to explain that i am only here to find friends and be part of the community." In that same journal entry you state: "Searching for someone to join our family and in return we will give them experience in seeing and playing with a M/s couple." That's a contradiction. Two statements diametrically opposed to one another. Are you looking for friends or a play partner? Thank you for pointing that out to me and will go and change that asap. It should have actually read “friends (eventually more) and be part of the community”. We ARE looking for both a friend and play partner for your information.

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:14:51 AM)
Answering as much as I have the time for without using quotes to BitaTruble: I have been on another site that is BDSM context and no matter what have always received a reply to my e-mails whether stating they are uninterested or not. Have found friends from that other site but ones whom are not close to my area. Not many singles from that site near me. Reason why I decided to try here. I am assuming that there are not many people who have a sense of humor on here? The fuck off statement was not meant in a serious way, reason for the ...lol...at the end! I must just have a different sense of humor I guess. I am not the only one that has been wondering about the lack of contact after they send e-mails. I am just the only one who has had the “balls” to ask about it. From both sides of the coin. It is not just submissive women/men that don't answer e-mails but also dominants from what I have been told. I do agree that they have no obligations but if one is respectful and offering their thoughts and even guidance when the profile so states that guidance is appreciated, or when one says they are confused and needing to find someone to help them realize their kinks then why does one not answer the e-mails that offer that. I have only offered my help and friendship nothing more nothing less. They certainly have time to log in and I don't see how a short reply would take up much of their time. As most, I too have things that are required of me and that is the reason why I don't have time to sit at my computer and chat. I have stated that I prefer e-mail so as I can give them more of myself rather than have them waiting for me to respond in a chat room...etc. I am not into cyber relationships and prefer to meet with people in real time when the interest between us is real. Like I have stated earlier in this response is that I am not the only one who has had this experience here and the only time I have had any responses is when I have replied or posted in the forums. I honestly don't consider this a whiney post, information that has been on many others minds but have not had the opportunity to voice it or afraid because of the fact that someone will view it as being, “whiney!”... I have many submissive friends who are deeply involved in the lifestyle. I have contacted those people and have been told that most submissives are only looking to experience until they find their true place in life. I understand that myself for I was one who enjoyed experimenting with other dominants in the beginning. Not all people have access to dungeons or the finances to enjoy that aspect of the lifestyle. If the people who are on this site don't realize that there are going to be numerous e-mails sent out to different candidates they are fooling themselves. One can not be sure to what extent a connection will continue to be unless one tries it. I must say that you have it correct and we are in search of a play thing, but also someone to help guide and ensure that they understand what they themselves are interested. We do not promise any kind of place in our lives right away because there are many possibilities that they will not suit us or we don't suit them. We state we are looking for someone to join our family and that is the truth. We all have to realize that in order to have a specific person added to our family we need to know that they are serious and not just playing online. I honestly don't see me being the problem here when the e-mails that I have sent were in regards to what they have stated in their profiles. I agree you do not know me and I would say that others who do would laugh at your suggestion of my being whiney, bitchy and a self-indulgent alpha with a chip on my shoulder. Far from it. We are not looking for someone to use and discard. We are not heartless people and are only looking to give what we have to offer to those who are needing a couple who are understanding and informative. Whether we have been together for a year or 10 years we know what we have to offer and are confident in what that is. Not all submissives will run into a couple such as us, in fact there are those types that WILL use and discard without a thought, that we are not. I do not take things to heart and appreciate all that you have stated here. Perhaps it will help those who read the post too for there are many that have this same question and confusion.

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:18:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Celeste said most of what needed saying. I thought I would mention that perhaps you should start contacting everyone that sends you a credit card offer through the mail and make sure they know you are not interested in their offer. You might also be sure to answer all the spam that comes into your email, like make sure Brian knows you got his email about the wonderful deal he has for drugs or refinancing your home. Don't want to be rude do you? I think people forget that what we have on here are advertisements, nothing more, it really isn't personal when you do not respond to spam, and it is not personal when people do not respond to you. One person's dream is another person's spam mail I guess perhaps I should have made it more clear that I was speaking in terms of e-mails on this site. I am not taking this all personally because I am not the only one that has had that particular problem...there are many and not just on this site but others.

hisannabelle -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:21:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VerySpankable1 I am not the only one that has been wondering about the lack of contact after they send e-mails. I am just the only one who has had the “balls” to ask about it. From both sides of the coin. It is not just submissive women/men that don't answer e-mails but also dominants from what I have been told. no, you are not the only one with the balls to ask about it; people post things like this all the time, pretty much, which is why it's become a bit of a joke around here. no one's really saying you're a whiny, bitchy, self-indulgent alpha with a chip on her shoulder, they're just trying to show you that you're wasting your breath, i think. it's a phenomenon EVERYONE experiences here...in fact, i would venture to say that the majority of emails on cm go unanswered. the fact that people are telling you to get over it doesn't really have anything to do with you as a couple and what you're looking for; it's the same answer most people get when they post things like this.

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:24:43 AM)
quote: happypervert: Now I get it -- she's whining because she can't find a third. I think this is a first! Usually it is just male doms whining about fems subs not replying to e-mail, but now we have a woman whining about it too. Kinda nice to have a little variety on an old, worn out theme. There are many out there just that they haven't voiced their opinions on that just for the fact that they don't want to have themselves put out in the open with those particular thoughts...it is a change though is it not. By the way I am not whining as others may think it is just for information for myself and others who are in the same situation and are in search of some real reasons besides the "unanswered is an answer"....respect is supposed to be a huge part of this lifestyle especially when one offers respect to them.

Aileen68 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:26:59 AM)
If someone is interested then they'll respond to your email. It's that simple.

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:33:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Here's your sign: They are not interested. True that they are not but there are also those who are just playing and not serious about gaining experience or experimenting for that matter...if they are just out their to play online games then perhaps they should state that in their profiles. Instead they ask for guidance in helping them through their confusions. When one offers that in a respectful and understanding manner why is it that they in turn don't give that same respect? There are just so many in the real world that want to live this life in real time and are faced with games. I and others are just so frustrated with all the supposedly called submissives who are just playing online and not serious about this life. In fact I and a couple others have run into two submissives that were just playing a game to see how many e-mails they could get and only sent some idiotic pay site to view them playing with themselves....I guess I will have to go and pay a BDSM site to get any serious responses.

juliaoceania -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:41:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VerySpankable1 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Celeste said most of what needed saying. I thought I would mention that perhaps you should start contacting everyone that sends you a credit card offer through the mail and make sure they know you are not interested in their offer. You might also be sure to answer all the spam that comes into your email, like make sure Brian knows you got his email about the wonderful deal he has for drugs or refinancing your home. Don't want to be rude do you? I think people forget that what we have on here are advertisements, nothing more, it really isn't personal when you do not respond to spam, and it is not personal when people do not respond to you. One person's dream is another person's spam mail I guess perhaps I should have made it more clear that I was speaking in terms of e-mails on this site. I am not taking this all personally because I am not the only one that has had that particular problem...there are many and not just on this site but others. You made it very clear to me, I suppose perhaps I was not clear enough to you. If someone sends me an unsolicited email I would feel no obligation or need to email them back. I would then ask you, are you only emailing submissives that explicitly are looking to be the beta in a poly home? From my cursory experience in reading female profiles I have not seen an abundance of them looking to be added as a second, although some do. It seems that if you are sending out gobs of emails, perhaps it is that you are sending them to people that are not interested in you, you are indeed spamming them, you are no different than the credit card offer in my opinion. I have had many emails from couples, and yes it is slightly rude that they did not bother to see what i was looking for. Rudeness goes both ways after all.

Aileen68 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:41:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VerySpankable1 quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Here's your sign: They are not interested. True that they are not but there are also those who are just playing and not serious about gaining experience or experimenting for that matter...if they are just out their to play online games then perhaps they should state that in their profiles. Instead they ask for guidance in helping them through their confusions. When one offers that in a respectful and understanding manner why is it that they in turn don't give that same respect? There are just so many in the real world that want to live this life in real time and are faced with games. I and others are just so frustrated with all the supposedly called submissives who are just playing online and not serious about this life. In fact I and a couple others have run into two submissives that were just playing a game to see how many e-mails they could get and only sent some idiotic pay site to view them playing with themselves....I guess I will have to go and pay a BDSM site to get any serious responses. OK, wait a minute. First you said that you weren't getting any responses in your OP. Now it seems as if you have gotten responses, but you're a bit angry since you seem to continually get caught up in online games. If that's the case, then maybe you need to sharpen your skills in picking people. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:45:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hisannabelle no, you are not the only one with the balls to ask about it; people post things like this all the time, pretty much, which is why it's become a bit of a joke around here. no one's really saying you're a whiny, bitchy, self-indulgent alpha with a chip on her shoulder, they're just trying to show you that you're wasting your breath, i think. it's a phenomenon EVERYONE experiences here...in fact, i would venture to say that the majority of emails on cm go unanswered. the fact that people are telling you to get over it doesn't really have anything to do with you as a couple and what you're looking for; it's the same answer most people get when they post things like this. I was sent here by a slave that I am in touch with and have made some other friends that are not from my area....I just assumed that this place was different from the others, I was told it was much easier and that everyone responds to mail. I am now realizing that it must have been a joke...mind you this is where she met her Master so I would say not all don't respond. Her profile said even less then mine does.

mnottertail -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:46:05 AM)
Oh, I hesitate to involve myself in this imbriglio. Ron

VerySpankable1 -> RE: Hesitation? (1/25/2007 9:49:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: VerySpankable1 quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Here's your sign: They are not interested. True that they are not but there are also those who are just playing and not serious about gaining experience or experimenting for that matter...if they are just out their to play online games then perhaps they should state that in their profiles. Instead they ask for guidance in helping them through their confusions. When one offers that in a respectful and understanding manner why is it that they in turn don't give that same respect? There are just so many in the real world that want to live this life in real time and are faced with games. I and others are just so frustrated with all the supposedly called submissives who are just playing online and not serious about this life. In fact I and a couple others have run into two submissives that were just playing a game to see how many e-mails they could get and only sent some idiotic pay site to view them playing with themselves....I guess I will have to go and pay a BDSM site to get any serious responses. OK, wait a minute. First you said that you weren't getting any responses in your OP. Now it seems as if you have gotten responses, but you're a bit angry since you seem to continually get caught up in online games. If that's the case, then maybe you need to sharpen your skills in picking people. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Did I say that we received those e-mails on here? The game players are all over the web and I realize that.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875