is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as vanilla?

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is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as vani... - 1/24/2007 11:13:30 PM

thaimeeuppppp

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a friend bought this to my attention today, that its too simplistic to call everyone in the non BDSM world as vanilla when in truth and fact its like baskin robbins really alot of flavas. And that is so. There is a wide range of lifestyles out there

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/24/2007 11:58:50 PM

Sigur

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I think that term has been around so long that it's not exactly as derogative as indicative of someone just living outside the lifestyle.

Which then begs the question, why are new members defaulted to vanilla?

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 12:10:59 AM

darchChylde

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who gives a damn about fair? is it fair that we're called sick degenerate perverts? i think anyone who has a problem with it should just get over it; pc sucks ass, even for the kink impaired

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sigur

Which then begs the question, why are new members defaulted to vanilla?

it's not a judge of your level of experience, just a cute system for number of posts; it should change around 30 to 50 and then i think you'll be curious

i really don't think i'm "evil" myself

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 3:34:55 AM

sleazy

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I dont think of vanilla as being flavourless, just not my favourite flavour :) I think of 'nilla as being pretty basic and bland, and if somebody does not want to appear that way to me it is up to them to show me otherwise, then they can be strawberry, chocolate, or whatever their kink makes them.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 3:40:16 AM

Zensee

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So is really kinky sex vanilla with crushed nuts and sprinkles or would it be only crushed nuts and sprinkles?

Z.

PS: Yes the double entendre is intentional.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 5:04:20 AM

starshineowned

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quote:

friend bought this to my attention today, that its too simplistic to call everyone in the non BDSM world as vanilla when in truth and fact its like baskin robbins really alot of flavas. And that is so. There is a wide range of lifestyles out there

The world is complicated enough as it is. What could possibly be wrong or bad with finding and using simplistic things, and holding onto them, especially when they work as intended?
Also, what exactly would your alternative be to "vanilla" to express the difference between kink and non-kink?..which I see as not the whole story as aside from practical applications..it's the mentality of or feelings towards doing "not of the norm" things and not just the "doing of" alone.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:18:24 AM

Lorelei115

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Why does everyone have such hatred for the vanilla? *sniffle* Its a flavor in its own right you know, although most people don't like it because they've only been exposed to "artificial vanilla extract". Trust me, fresh vanilla beans are a FAR cry from that crap, and I happen to LOVE the flavor of vanilla.

Oh and as far as labelling. I label my own activities as "kinky" or "vanilla". Does that mean that I am being derrogatory towards myself?

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:25:55 AM

starshineowned

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quote:

Oh and as far as labelling. I label my own activities as "kinky" or "vanilla". Does that mean that I am being derrogatory towards myself?

Yes!..and you should immediately cease this insanity! :)

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:27:12 AM

Lynae78

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Yes Alot of people view others outside the lifestyle as vanilla, i've heard vanilla people refer to themselves as just that, however I have noticed a tendency for lifestylers to view 'nillas with contempt,( I know that is because chances are that vanilla person is to afraid to try things out. I admit I have thought the same a time or 2.) personally I try not to use the word, I think most people are kinky and don't want to admit it.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:28:45 AM

juliaoceania

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I think of the term vanilla as a description of people that are not lifestyle aware, and I do not think of it as being a derrogatory label at all. I am the first one to state that vanilla relationships are just as valid, healthy, meaningful, spiritual, and the rest as anyone involved with WIITWD. Happiness has nothing to do with powerexchange or kink for most people.

So, while I understand your point about negative labels, I do not think that vanilla is a negative label, it is just a way to get a meaning across quickly, you have to know someone to see what flavor they really are as an individual.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:33:54 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

I think of the term vanilla as a description of people that are not lifestyle aware, and I do not think of it as being a derrogatory label at all.

I completely agree. It is not derogatory. It's just different from what we do. Perhaps they don't indulge in any kink. Maybe they do it sometimes, a little sprinkle here and there. Who are we to judge?

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:37:52 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well a lot of the people in the scene DO use "vanilla" as a dirty word and put vanilla's down.

That being said, every culture and sub-culture has a term that denotes "people in our group" and "people not in our group." It's just how human dynamics go.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:42:00 AM

krista

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Greetings ...

While i agree that we should not view "nillas" in a negative way....or judge them for their preferences....i have to say from my personal experience....a large majority of the so called "vaniila" community....do not accord "lifestylers" the same courtesy....

Of course this is only my own experience.....ymmv....

an often time judged
krista
joy through service

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:45:08 AM

mstrjx

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In truth, 'vanilla' is actually pretty pleasant, so it couldn't be construed as being derogatory in the least.

Perhaps to be fairer, if we consider our Lifestyle to be superior to 'theirs', we need another flavor. Something less savory.

From now on, people who aren't in the Lifestyle are 'sauerkraut'.

Jeff

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:47:39 AM

KatyLied

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Vanilla icing from a can is delightful.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:57:55 AM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think of the term vanilla as a description of people that are not lifestyle aware, and I do not think of it as being a derrogatory label at all. I am the first one to state that vanilla relationships are just as valid, healthy, meaningful, spiritual, and the rest as anyone involved with WIITWD. Happiness has nothing to do with powerexchange or kink for most people.

So, while I understand your point about negative labels, I do not think that vanilla is a negative label, it is just a way to get a meaning across quickly, you have to know someone to see what flavor they really are as an individual.

I echo this sentiment exactly.

Though I do see alot of people using the word vanilla in a deragatory fashion. For instance: "They're just vanillas, they don't have a clue. We know what real trust is. We love more deeply than they do" etc etc. Nothing irks me more when I see that non-sense. Like it's us in one gang and them in another....It reminds me of the Kryps and da Bloods.

"Vanilla" to me is just the term I use to describe someone who doesn't engage in BDSM practices. And it happens to be my favorite scent. So when Im buying candles I use the word vanilla too. lol

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 7:59:22 AM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thaimeeuppppp

a friend bought this to my attention today, that its too simplistic to call everyone in the non BDSM world as vanilla when in truth and fact its like baskin robbins really alot of flavas. And that is so. There is a wide range of lifestyles out there

I've experienced kinkier and hotter vanilla women than BDSM because they don't give you a laundry list of does and don'ts, say everything is consensual (vanilla is too) and then insist you dominate them but only within certain limits. Nothing like confusing messages. I've usually found that kinky vanillas are in for a rollicking good roller coaster ride while many subs seem to have you jumping through hoops to justify their perversions to themselves. They make life and enjoyment of it such hard work.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 8:41:02 AM

sub4hire

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Fair or not, considering most people in the lifestyle now are internet only. Found the lifestyle just yesterday in a chat room. Vanilla has become a universal term. One which even those who don't understand anything about the lifestyle understand.
It works. Doubtful you are going to get the world to change so I'd just go with the flow.

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 8:57:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: krista
Greetings ...

While i agree that we should not view "nillas" in a negative way....or judge them for their preferences....i have to say from my personal experience....a large majority of the so called "vaniila" community....do not accord "lifestylers" the same courtesy....

Of course this is only my own experience.....ymmv....

an often time judged
krista
joy through service

Ha, a lot of lifestylers don't accord lifestylers the same courtesy!

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RE: is it fair really to ust refer to everyone else as ... - 1/25/2007 9:34:32 AM

adaddysgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think of the term vanilla as a description of people that are not lifestyle aware, and I do not think of it as being a derrogatory label at all. I am the first one to state that vanilla relationships are just as valid, healthy, meaningful, spiritual, and the rest as anyone involved with WIITWD. Happiness has nothing to do with powerexchange or kink for most people.

So, while I understand your point about negative labels, I do not think that vanilla is a negative label, it is just a way to get a meaning across quickly, you have to know someone to see what flavor they really are as an individual.