An emotional safe word in Protocols

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onestandingstill -> An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 9:06:18 PM)
Hello All, I've been looking for a good protocol book for a while. My wonderful friend Niecy had one she'd lend me. It's a book called Protocols by Robert J Ruble, PhD (*words tweaked as to not mess with copyright infringement) He is discussing his personal protocol for his slaves. In the section about safe words he says in scenes he practices RACK rather than SSC. He then goes on to say when not in play the slave is to use the Master's given name as an emotional safeword. It's for when in conversation with the Master hits an emotional land mine and he will cease his conversation. As soon as possible he will discuss what just happened in the subs heart or mind.. I think that's cool. Another thing I've read so far is He will not point out a slaves errors in public that it's an embarrassment for both in his eyes, but also the slave is to respond always in public in a way where that makes the Masters orders look right. She will never give the appearance the that she thinks what he suggests or says is not right. He says if it involves potential or eminent peril to life, health or safety of any individual she's required to act immediately and without regard to protocol. He also says this with his next rule of a Master may not force a slave to do an illegal or patently unsafe thing. LOL I'm only on page 30 and I really am enjoying this books so far. Do you agree these are very cool. I've been in the scene two years. I've heard of the term calling Council before. hats when the slave requests a meeting where the power exchange shifts even and both talk on level ground without the D/s connotations required. In that the sub/slave does not have permission to yell and be rude any more than other times, but she is allowed to step out of her submission and speak as a free woman for the time of this council. It's only to be used in dire extreme necessity, and not to be wielded lightly. Other than this sort of safe word for non scene playing time I've never even heard of this concept before. Do you in M/s relationships use a regular day to day safeword? I also like he clears up how he handles the no limit slave rule in the next part I mention, by making these BS things everyone claims causes no one to be able to be a no limit slave clear right up front in his laws. A no limit slave is not required to worry one day he'll put her or any one else in harms way carelessly in his service without being able to mention she sees it. I wouldn't think any good Master would ever put his slave in true harms way as he has her betterment and best interest at heart. He understands it's his responsibility to protect his property, not exploit her by emotionally harming her or by carelessly risking her health for a stunt. Taking your slave to the edge of life and back is about being a good steward of your property when you use it sadistically, not perverting it and ruining it. Any thoughts? suzanne

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 9:19:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill He then goes on to say when not in play the slave is to use the Master's given name as an emotional safeword. It's for when in conversation with the Master hits an emotional land mine and he will cease his conversation. As soon as possible he will discuss what just happened in the subs heart or mind.. I think that's cool. That works for most places. But sometimes a name is necessary- mostly I use a name when we're among vanilla friends and it would make him uncomfortable to not use his name, when we're in a loud and crowded place so he can be sure I mean him, or when we're in a room full of "sirs." Nothing like a girl saying "Sir" and having a dozen people looking around. I'd pick something else. quote: Another thing I've read so far is He will not point out a slaves errors in public that it's an embarrassment for both in his eyes, but also the slave is to respond always in public in a way where that makes the Masters orders look right. She will never give the appearance the that she thinks what he suggests or says is not right. This is no different than vanilla manners that everyone should know- correcting someone in public is rude and makes everyone uncomfortable. However, always making the master look right is just vapid and ego stroking. Don't we all say that masters aren't always right and best? While that doesn't mean you go out of your way to prove just how human they are- enforcing some illusion or making it a bad thing to admit reality when it occurs just ends up making everyone look like a dork IMO. Shit happens, admit it, laugh about it, and move on. No one cares really and by making it into a big deal to think about, it becomes one that doesn't need to exist. quote: He says if it involves potential or eminent peril to life, health or safety of any individual she's required to act immediately and without regard to protocol. Again, this is how vanillas do it also. Most manners don't apply in emergency situations like that. quote: He also says this with his next rule of a Master may not force a slave to do an illegal or patently unsafe thing. Not a bad rule if laws are reasonable. There are many laws against things I thoroughly enjoy, so I'd be fine with a master who wanted to do illegal things as well. quote: I've heard of the term calling Council before. hats when the slave requests a meeting where the power exchange shifts even and both talk on level ground without the D/s connotations required. In that the sub/slave does not have permission to yell and be rude any more than other times, but she is allowed to step out of her submission and speak as a free woman for the time of this council. It's only to be used in dire extreme necessity, and not to be wielded lightly. Other than this sort of safe word for non scene playing time I've never even heard of this concept before. Do you in M/s relationships use a regular day to day safeword? A lot of people do this. I don't see a reason for it. I don't need to stop being a slave in order to communicate my problems. However, a lot of people make rules for themselves which make it impossible to communicate openly within the relationship. So they either suffer from lack of communication, or they break out of the relationship and the rules they created for it. quote: Taking your slave to the edge of life and back is about being a good steward of your property when you use it sadistically, not perverting it and ruining it. Any thoughts? suzanne That's all in the eye of the beholder.

SlyStone -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 9:21:54 PM)
Any thoughts? you may be taking all this just a tad to seriously.

mnottertail -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 9:22:56 PM)
I think Serenety Now!!!!!! is kinda catchy. Frank Costanza

ownedgirlie -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 10:37:32 PM)
Quite honestly, most of this would not apply in my relationship. * No safe words are necessary for me, at any time. * Master knows me well enough to know my emotional land mines, and manipulate through them and over them just right. * Using his birth name would not be a good idea, unless instructed to for a particular reason. Since safe words don't apply to me, that wouldn't be the reason. * It is up to him to point out my errors when and how he feels like it, but he is not so socially inept and reckless with my feelings as to cause me emotional damage while doing so. * I would never rudely point out if I think he is incorrect in public, and even in private, I do so gently enough so that he hears me and then decides for himself. * I do lots of illegal things. I speed to work every day because I am always late, after all. * Calling Council - I agree with LA here. The moment I stop being a slave to have to talk to him is the moment I am no longer his slave. I never want to be on level ground with him - ever. It would be frightening and damaging to me. * I do agree with the sentiment on the No Limits BS. My slavery to my Master does not include fearing for my life at all times. But then I've spoken to that plenty. Fortunately for me, my Master prefers me alive and in tact.

ownedgirlie -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 10:38:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I think Serenety Now!!!!!! is kinda catchy. Frank Costanza As long as you're also wearing your manziere. :)

juliaoceania -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 10:42:27 PM)
quote: Another thing I've read so far is He will not point out a slaves errors in public that it's an embarrassment for both in his eyes, but also the slave is to respond always in public in a way where that makes the Masters orders look right. She will never give the appearance the that she thinks what he suggests or says is not right. Kinda had similar approach to rearing my unmentionable, I did not embarass him by punishing him in public... ever. He in return has never embarassed me in public by being disrespectful and unruly.. quote: He understands it's his responsibility to protect his property, not exploit her by emotionally harming her or by carelessly risking her health for a stunt. Taking your slave to the edge of life and back is about being a good steward of your property when you use it sadistically, not perverting it and ruining it. This sounds like our dynamic. In fact most of these things that are listed as "protocols" are just naturally present in our dynamic. We do not have an emotional safeword, but I am allowed to express whatever it is I am feeling pretty freely. I think that these protocols could be helpful in showing people concerns they may come to have in a full-time power exchange.

Archer -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 10:51:08 PM)
I know Dr Rubel and have a copy of two of his books the Leather slave protocol book and the M/s relationship book, both are good books even if I don't agree with everything in them. He is a thoughtfull man. On a sidenote even after years landmine still sometimes pop up, I wouldn't trust "He/She knows me so well....." to be true anymore than the idea of "No Limits" the moent you think you know someone so well that you can't make a mistake or they can't surprize you, BOOM. They are called landmines for a reason because they are hidden many times even from the person themself. (ie imagine that you remember suddenly that a molester had touced you in a specific way in a specific spot because Master touhed you the same way. It's a hidden memory that you had buried deep and didn't know about yourself until that moment. That is a landmine.)

ownedgirlie -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 10:56:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer (ie imagine that you remember suddenly that a molester had touced you in a specific way in a specific spot because Master touhed you the same way. It's a hidden memory that you had buried deep and didn't know about yourself until that moment. That is a landmine.) I completely understand this point, Archer, and I agree...as I have experienced this myself in my slavery to my Master. But I do not need a safeword for such things. He knows my responses before I could get a word out, anyway, and he deals with them accordingly. So far no land mine that I've hit (and there have been a few) could have been handled any better for me than how he chose to handle them. He knows how I respond to them, and how to maneuver through them. I was not implying that he knows all of my repressed traumas. But he knows what to do when they surface. Hence, he knows me well enough. Also did not imply he doesn't make mistakes. We both know he is an imperfect being, as am I. But mistakes are corrected and we move on. Even if they hit land mines.

Archer -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 11:04:32 PM)
OK cool I was reading something else into it. Rubel uses the protocol as a set way, he would certainly not suggest you or anyone else who has a system in place that works well disgard it and try his way. He's a pretty linear thinker so far in my conversations with him. I think that it is One way (his way) of sugesting a set way of dealing with landmines should be established. (Set way of doing things is the very definition of a protocol) Knowing him for the short time I have known him the idea is much more along those lines than sugesting that the emotional safeword is the only or even the best way. Having the protocol (whatever it may be) generally lends itself to a better chance that the reaction will not spiral out of control.

ownedgirlie -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/25/2007 11:16:45 PM)
My wording in my first post regarding the land mines was not clear enough. I am glad you brought attention so it could be explained.

MstrssPassion -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 3:50:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill It's a book called Protocols by Robert J Ruble, PhD I can't find any information on this book or this man. Could you provide a bit more info about this source.

onestandingstill -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 4:33:04 AM)
The book was published in 2006 by Nazca Plains Corporation 4640 Paradise rd Suite 141 Las Vegas, NV 89109 Other than that in the rear of the book he mentions if you have questions you can reach him at his web site bob at scenes of beauty dot com. To get past a spam filter you have to have "Book Contact" in your header. He goes on to say his scene name is Corwin so I imagine that's how he prefers to be addressed. My girlfriend actually found the book at the last Crucible dungeon leather flea market, so the source was a vendor she has no contact information for. Good Luck with your search, suzanne quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill It's a book called Protocols by Robert J Ruble, PhD I can't find any information on this book or this man. Could you provide a bit more info about this source.

RedSavageSlave -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 5:55:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill He then goes on to say when not in play the slave is to use the Master's given name as an emotional safeword. I have always used this as my safeword. One of the things about me is that when I am in headspace the only things I will call him is Sir or Master. If I call him by his given name, thats usually a pretty good indication I am no longer in headspace and something is wrong. I have a real problem with the colors being used because in a scene, these are not words that will come easily to mind. Another thing I've read so far is He will not point out a slaves errors in public that it's an embarrassment for both in his eyes, but also the slave is to respond always in public in a way where that makes the Masters orders look right. She will never give the appearance the that she thinks what he suggests or says is not right. What I will use in this situation are two different phrases. 1. As you wish - indicates agreement. 2. If that is what you wish - indicates a concern with the instructions. Each of these statements give the idea that compliance is there, however it gives him the opportunity to stop what is going on and see if there are questions. He can address it at that time, or he can simply say "let me think on this" or whatever else is appropriate without losing face. I've heard of the term calling Council before. hats when the slave requests a meeting where the power exchange shifts even and both talk on level ground without the D/s connotations required. In that the sub/slave does not have permission to yell and be rude any more than other times, but she is allowed to step out of her submission and speak as a free woman for the time of this council. This one kind of made me giggle as it brought to mind the scene in "Pirates of the Carribean" where the girl is asking for "Parlay". I am not making fun of the concept..just saying it made me think of that. Thank you for sharing this~

Devilslilsister -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 6:16:51 AM)
Master usually knows when i'm upset when i suddenly clam up and stare off into the distance. When we play around and he is saying something the he KNOWS will rile me up, i get mock outrage and call him by his first and middle name. Although, i am sure i have used it with out mock outrage and more of a small warning that i hear thunder rolling in. I use his first name usually when we are around his father or family or my siblings or father. Just be strange to call him "Daddy" around his father, my siblings would fall over laughing if they heard it, and my father would most likely give me the wierdest look ever. Daddy is what i generally fall back on in other vanilla settings. i also break the laws. I recently achieved a speeding ticket of 21 over and no seat belt. ::sigh:: Least the cop was nice and we had a good laugh about his radar trap being like fishing. i suppose when issues do arise, i do step out of my place. i have not yet managed to learn how to argue and disagree when i'm pissed off in a polite and respectful way. Unfortunetly i am vicious when i argue, but i'm sure i'll learn eventually.

Wildfleurs -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 6:25:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill He then goes on to say when not in play the slave is to use the Master's given name as an emotional safeword. It's for when in conversation with the Master hits an emotional land mine and he will cease his conversation. As soon as possible he will discuss what just happened in the subs heart or mind.. I think that's cool. For us that would be entirely unnecessary. We both know each other well enough that my owner can pretty much (not always, but certainly most of the times) tell if something’s wrong emotionally. And even if he can’t tell, there was this interesting technique of putting something in an open box that I first heard from Catherine Gross which I’ve found very helpful in terms of handling emotions in a public venue – which is that you quite literally visualize putting the issue in an open box to be taken out later on. Its not being suppressed, that’s why the box is still open, but just being tabled for a more appropriate time. quote: Another thing I've read so far is He will not point out a slaves errors in public that it's an embarrassment for both in his eyes, but also the slave is to respond always in public in a way where that makes the Masters orders look right. She will never give the appearance the that she thinks what he suggests or says is not right. I tend to have issues with hard and fast “rules” like this. In general I don’t point out my owners errors, but if there is a group political discussion happening he may point out that I think or feel differently and such. Or if I hear him misspeak about something entirely by accident (when I’ve heard him talk about it before and I know he just jumped to the wrong point) I may gently point it out, but even that depends. And he’s pointed out errors I’ve made, that’s entirely his prerogative (even though it certainly has been embarrassing). quote: I've been in the scene two years. I've heard of the term calling Council before. hats when the slave requests a meeting where the power exchange shifts even and both talk on level ground without the D/s connotations required. In that the sub/slave does not have permission to yell and be rude any more than other times, but she is allowed to step out of her submission and speak as a free woman for the time of this council. It's only to be used in dire extreme necessity, and not to be wielded lightly. That also wouldn’t work for us. The way we relate by default is the dynamic we have, there’s no time out thing where every Wednesday I get to be a free woman or partner and then the other days his slave. When there have been problems I don’t stop being his slave or relating the way that just comes naturally to us. quote: Other than this sort of safe word for non scene playing time I've never even heard of this concept before. Do you in M/s relationships use a regular day to day safeword? I’m sure its already obvious from the jist of my post that we don’t have a safeword (not for day to day or for a SM scene). As for limits, I’m sure I have them (like raping and murdering a bus full of fluffy bunnies) but the primary thrust of my relationship is ensuring that nothing is off boundaries or limits for what my owner does or wants to do. It takes time and effort to align and adjust to him, but I think it’s worth it. C~

SCDommie -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 6:25:47 AM)
I think you are getting your information from the wront source. The ony real way of learning BDSM is to go real time. Any Dungeon scene I have been involved with has not stopped because of a safe word from a submissive. Most Dominants obseve behavior of subs very carefully. I will say I have seen a scene that should have been stopped. Don't let your fears keep you from becoming the submssive you can be. Books and sites just give you a little of what really goes on. Respectfully, SCDomme

MasterFireMaam -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 7:03:31 AM)
quote: I've been looking for a good protocol book for a while. My wonderful friend Niecy had one she'd lend me. It's a book called Protocols by Robert J Ruble, PhD I met Dr. Ruble this past weekend. My girl gave him space in her booth at SWLC to vend books. Very nice man, also of the same publishing company as me (and Nigel and Tammy Jo, come to thing of it). quote: Do you in M/s relationships use a regular day to day safeword? This idea is great if it's needed. I personally wish to have partners who are so well matched to me that, if they need to talk, they simpley say so...or they don't feel that they need any at all because they know I won't go there. quote: Taking your slave to the edge of life and back is about being a good steward of your property when you use it sadistically, not perverting it and ruining it. Any thoughts? I agree. I think this is a hallmark of a healthy relationship. Just because I can isn't often a good reason to do something. But, there are those who thrive on "living on the edge of danger". I think that this might be one of those things that is great to fanstasize about, but when made a reality, it's a lot more intense than most can handle. Master Fire

MasterFireMaam -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 7:14:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill It's a book called Protocols by Robert J Ruble, PhD I can't find any information on this book or this man. Could you provide a bit more info about this source. This is Nazca's home page, Dr. Rubel's publisher. They used to link to all their authors from this page, but it's not showing today. Perhaps they're updating to add me and Nigel??? ;-) Master Fire

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: An emotional safe word in Protocols (1/26/2007 7:24:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs (like raping and murdering a bus full of fluffy bunnies) What about one really cute lusty bunny? :)

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