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Need some help - 3/3/2005 5:56:19 PM   
tamtam


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I have an issue that Im not quite sure what to think about. I have a new Master and he is wonderful and promised that I was number but now he would like me to find anither submissive to work along with me.Im not sure if I like this, not sure what to do or think....please some advice,
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need some help - 3/3/2005 6:02:23 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Talk to him.....make sure you tell him how you feel, find out how he feels.....was this negotiated ahead of time? i can not stress enough the importance of communication....talk,talk,talk. Only by communicating will you find out his intentions.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to tamtam)
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RE: Need some help - 3/3/2005 6:02:44 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		Hmmm. To Me the answer seems relatively simple. you are either into polygamy or you're not. There really isn't any two ways about it. If your Master has determined that polygamy is mandated, I would say that you have to make a choice. Changing your Master is not an option. Therefore are you going to tow the party line, or are you going to quietly and humbly decline His/Her offer and exit stage left? I would hasten to suggest that it is within your right to assert that you wish to be the only one, cease play if He/She is insistent and withdraw from the relationship without further ado.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 3/3/2005 6:04:49 PM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Need some help - 3/3/2005 6:08:56 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Hmmm. To Me the answer seems relatively simple. you are either into polygamy or you're not. There really isn't any two ways about it.


Quite honestly it does not seem that simple at all. There was no mention of being poly...only of another submissive to work along with her....this does not denote poly. I am not going to take a stab at what another peson may be thinking about this...just that there are alot of other options too.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Need some help - 3/3/2005 6:27:54 PM   
tomtom1877


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline 		tamtam....

The way you write, the idea of sharing your master is a shocker to you.

I will not sugar coat things. You only have two options. Accept or Reject.

You can go along with this dispite your feelings of dread and say nothing (wrong answer) or you can communicate with your new master and talk frankly about your feelings, holding nothing back and tell him how you feel (right answer.) Do not try and please him with your words. Tell him your truth, what is in your heart.

Since he is your new master, treat this as a "limits setting" discussion (I assume you have already had at least one of these, right?)

You seem to have deep feelings about this issue. I can feel them in your writing. So, talk to him. Tell him how you feel, what you will accept and what you won't (i.e., hard limit.)

But, before you have this heart to heart, you must do your homework. You must prepare yourself for his response, no matter what it is. In other words, you must know what you will and will not accept.

Either he will tell you this was just an idea he had to spice things up....or he will say that having two submissives is something he must have. What will your response be? You have to know that answer before you talk to him.

See, the issue is quite simple, either you are willing to share him or you are not. His answer will tell you if you are number one and only or a member of an ever growing group.

Either way, you have to know.

Talking to him is the only way to find out.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Need some help - 3/3/2005 6:40:41 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz

Quite honestly it does not seem that simple at all. There was no mention of being poly...only of another submissive to work along with her....this does not denote poly. I am not going to take a stab at what another peson may be thinking about this...just that there are alot of other options too.

~smilezz~


Yes, I grant your point. When you present it that way there is the possibility of the Master desiring that she get another submissive to help her, but never have I got the sense in any of My reading that this is the accepted modus operandi. Rather, a Master would get a trainer for His/Her sub/slave if he/she was struggling and needed extra help. I certainly won't deny that getting a sub/slave as a mentor isn't possible, it just doesn't seem to Me to be protocol. Of course there's definitely a chance I could be way out in left field and I'm quite prepared to accept that. The only way to find out is to talk to Him/Her and find out Their intentions. From there they can either leave the relationship or accept the new boundaries.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need some help - 3/3/2005 7:10:46 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tamtam
I have a new Master and he is wonderful and promised that I was number

He promised you were number 1?? That always begs the question among how many if you've ever met a playah...
quote:

but now he would like me to find anither submissive to work along with me.Im not sure if I like this, not sure what to do or think....please some advice

It sounds like this comes as a shock to you, and though you did not say what he wants her to serve beside you doing, it sounds like an uncomfortable idea for you, so tell him you're not comfortable with that idea, and didn't think that multiservants was on the menu; basically talk more with him about what you want/what he wants, and decide what you can/cannot live with based on your emotional need/health.
If I were a sub/slave, the need for multiple subs would be a dealbreaker, but you'll have to determine that for yourself.
Good luck, M



_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Need some help - 3/4/2005 4:35:52 AM   
tamtam


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice and I did take take. It went better than I thought, Iguess I just needed someone elses opinion before I said anything. Its hard when you have great feelings and when jealous creeps up upon you.
Well thanks all again for the help

tamtam

be well...

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need some help - 3/4/2005 6:13:57 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		How new is he?

THis should have been discussed before you got together, if it wasn't then discuss it now.

The Owner loves when I can find new playmates for him, I get huge rewards for it too! However, we're poly and I'm a slut so it's something we find a lot of joy in.

Like EVERYTHING in life- you choose what works right for you. Love is NEVER enough to make a commitment work. Going into poly or swinging or whatever is a HUGE STEP and can't be taken carelessly.

This is why you have tons of doms out there saying they want multiple subs and very very few actually making it work and not leaving wreckage behind.

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need some help - 3/19/2005 4:47:12 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		You have the right to your own expectations within ANY relationship and it sounds like you're monogamous.... Since I am, too, I empathise with your situation and you need to talk this through with your Master.

Personally, I tend to doubt any dom/me who "needs" more than one sub. It smacks of either fantasy or perceived status and/or "dick-measuring" with other doms rather than genuine need - which actually amounts to low self-esteem on his part!

As his slave, you don't get to dictate the relationship dynamic but you do get to choose if you wanna be his slave. If he wants another slave, that's his business and if you don't wanna share, tell him so and leave if he insists....

Focus50.

< Message edited by Focus50 -- 3/19/2005 4:50:48 PM >

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need some help - 3/19/2005 5:38:21 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tamtam

I have an issue that Im not quite sure what to think about. I have a new Master and he is wonderful and promised that I was number but now he would like me to find anither submissive to work along with me.Im not sure if I like this, not sure what to do or think....please some advice,



Not enough info to go on. Do YOU have enough info to go on?

Do you know in what capacity he would like her to serve, what her position in your dynamic will be, whether or not he intends for it to be sexual, why he thinks you should do the search instead of him, whether he has a goal other than 'finding a second,' whether you have prenegotiated these changes or how a change in your existing dynamic is to be dealt with? Are you an online only submissive or do you guys get together r/t? Are you new to the scene? Is this your first master, is he a sadist, are you as masochistic as he is sadistic?

So many questions. I wonder, have you asked them?



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need some help - 3/20/2005 12:59:16 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Personally, I tend to doubt any dom/me who "needs" more than one sub. It smacks of either fantasy or perceived status and/or "dick-measuring" with other doms rather than genuine need - which actually amounts to low self-esteem on his part!

I can understand the skepticism, after all plenty of guys out there just wanting to get laid and feel pompous.

But being poly, I'd have to say if you think that about ANY dom who needs more than one person in their lives, please try and get a bit more exposure.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need some help - 3/20/2005 1:21:24 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Being in a polyamorous relationship myself, I'm with Emerald on this one. Some people just are not monogamous, we are not - thankfully, we both aren't, and our boys are able to accept this. It takes a lot of work, a lot of communication, and it isn't a low self esteem issue - poly is the last thing that I would try to do if I had low self esteem ... I'd be convinced that I could never get it to work.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need some help - 3/20/2005 1:26:27 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I can understand the skepticism, after all plenty of guys out there just wanting to get laid and feel pompous.

But being poly, I'd have to say if you think that about ANY dom who needs more than one person in their lives, please try and get a bit more exposure.
If, by "exposure", you're suggesting I don't get out enough, you just prove the obvious - YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

If, by "exposure", you're suggesting I need to get more aquainted with the poly dynamic, it's not my need or interest thank you very much!

Please learn to accept we all have the right to our own opinions - even at the risk of *unintentionally* offending you or your entourage in general.

Focus50.


< Message edited by Focus50 -- 3/20/2005 1:51:03 AM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need some help - 3/20/2005 1:48:20 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Being in a polyamorous relationship myself, I'm with Emerald on this one. Some people just are not monogamous, we are not - thankfully, we both aren't, and our boys are able to accept this. It takes a lot of work, a lot of communication, and it isn't a low self esteem issue - poly is the last thing that I would try to do if I had low self esteem ... I'd be convinced that I could never get it to work.
Believe it or not, I'm not arguing or denying the validity of poly relationships - even if they are the rare exception, not the rule.

But my opinion was not meant for you, Emerald or anyone else in a working poly relationship - it's aimed at the OP and yet another dom who's suddenly not satisfied with just one slave. Is he really poly or just another selfish dom following his dick in as many directions as possible? God knows there's no shortage of them and they don't give a shit who they hurt along the way!

My issue with Emerald is not about her relationship, or your's for that matter. I simply didn't appreciate her snipe at me for having the audacity to express my own opinion.

Focus50.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need some help - 3/20/2005 12:44:55 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		My feelings on your opinion were that they were overgeneralized to include people such as my girlfriend and myself - and we are definately not aquiring a second sub because of any low self esteem issues. I do know people who want multiple subs as a status symbol kind of thing, but most quickly figure out that it's a lot more work than they thought.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need some help - 3/26/2005 6:13:22 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		You just need to decide if you can accept others influence in your relationship or not...

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 17
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