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RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 2:56:56 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

Edited to add:
I didn't cheat on my dominant. I cheated on previous partners

I have nothing to day here, I am just curious as to why you felt the need to add this qualifier. 



Not a qualitifier, just realized I was unclear and there are some people here who actually remember what I write and refer to it later. Felt like being clear. *shrugs*

To me, it's like this: You can steal from someone, feel bad about and try to do what you can to make up for it and never do it again. Then you aren't a thief, you are someone who fucked and did something that was wrong (for sake arguement it wasn't to feed a starving family).

Now, if you enjoy stealing and like/don't care it causes harm to innocents and continue to do it you are a thief.

You cheat, you fuck up, you do what you can to make it better, you try to repent, mostly importantly: you don't do it again. In my opinion you aren't a cheater. You probably aren't going to be a good partner till you get your shit together but I'm not going to crucify you.

Now, if you are person who puts their children and spouse through what I've experienced and you don't care about it? Don't care about the torment you've caused, doesn't trouble you that your children can't respect you? Yes, I will help nail you to that cross gleefully. Because, in my opinion, you deserve it. And all the "pro-cheating" people out there can flame me all you want. I really don't care.



_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:04:19 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

Just curious to know how others feel about Dominants, and submissives that are married, yet have a discreet bdsm relationship with another, withouth their spouse being aware of it. As for the Dominants who are married, do you feel this is an "undomly" quality?



Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you came home after work to find your wife suspended from the ceiling, gagged and with chains hanging from nipple to nipple. You'd be more than slightly disappointed.

In terms of an undomly quality, there are issues of self-control and respect for your partner. If a person can't control him/herself then have a chat with the partner and treat him/her with a spot of respect - end the relationship and go down the single path.

Of course, if the partner knows and has agreed then no problem, everyone's happy.


_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:06:16 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		And all the "pro-cheating" people out there can flame me all you want. I really don't care.



Since it was my posting that you replied to I hope you will at least realize that I am not "pro cheating" and any inference that I am comes from a lack of understanding on your part of what I am trying to say or more likely a lack of my own communication skills in trying to convey my points.

If the latter is the case than let me once again reiterate, I have never cheated on a spouse and never engaged in a relationship with a married person and I am not in any way shape or form advocating cheating.


< Message edited by SlyStone -- 1/28/2007 3:07:59 PM >

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:26:48 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Sly...people here accused you of cheating, just based on a question you asked?  Sheesh  That is too funny.  Am sorry you had to explain yourself.  I never got that from your OP.  I simply took it as a purely unrhetorical question.

I really don't care who's dad cheated on who's mom and whatever baggage someone is carrying along after all these years.  I mean I do feel sorry for any pain it caused innocent children, but neither parent should have made it known.  Problems in a marriage are there because of other reasons as well.  It is not the cheating that causes the dissolution of a marriage, once you scratch below the surface you find there are many other factors there as well.

My parents had problems in their marriage, we all knew it.  But they were just incompatible and stuck it through because they had kids.  I wish I could have told my mother that she was happier when she was away from him.  Though I loved the heck out of my dad.  If either of them found some comfort and happiness during their life even if it was time with someone else.  Then I am happy that they were able to manage doing that.  Life is so short and fleeting to be miserable.  I am only saying this if they did.  I have my suspicions though and I love them both, no matter what. 


(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:30:44 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		marie, this is why i am upset. lol its all color coded because i had to use notebook. you are dressed in red, i am in black and SimplyMichael got the green outfit. this took forever so it had better be in order!! you say youre not down on divorce..yet..you sure came across that way in more than one post. you said you dont see it in black/white yet you stated the same things several times.
 
marieToo:
If you get divorced, you break a vow.  You betray a promise to stay with someone for better or worse.
Breaking a vow is breaking a vow. 

quote: post 123
ORIGINAL: cjenny
Okay MarieToo.. I admit to being a bit lost here. Are you saying that once married that the marriage should hold no matter what?
Thats exactly what the vows state.  No matter what. Sickness and health, for better or worse..until death do us part.  Yes, that includes "no matter what".
SimplyMichael post 146
To whomever,
Don't whine about not wanting to break a vow, it was for "better OR WORSE"...that didn't just mean money, it meant if the sex sucked or she didn't that you would STILL honor the vow.
If you are going to get sanctimonious, at least find some frigging high ground because from where you are at we can't hear you over the gurgling of the bullshit you are standing in.

quote:
If the parties agree the marriage is not working are vows still broken? Vows to whom??
Vows to each other are broken, yes.  You break your marriage vows. 

quote:
Bob & Mary get divorced after 20 years of a bad marriage, they both agree to it. Did just one break the vows? Both?
Both broke their vows. 

I was trying to make a point which I apparently didnt do very well.
Cheating is breaking a vow to be fidel to your spouse.
Divorce is breaking a vow to stay in your marriage no matter what the problems are. 
I was trying to draw an analogy that cheating and divorcing are both examples of breaking a vow.
I am divorced, btw.  Im not down on divorce, Im not down on breaking vows.  Im down on making them in the first place. 
Im not down on hanging cheaters, or hanging the spouses of cheaters, or hanging the other man/woman.
My point is about priorities. 
To some people its a greater sin to break the fidelity vow than to break the 'till death do us part vow'. 
To others, divorce is unthinkable but cheating is forgiveable. 
For example:  I know a couple whose marriage actually improved after an affair, because it made them both take a long hard look a their marriage and focus on the problems and fix them.  Its a different account for everyone.  I dont think its black and white. 
marieToo post #153
quote:
ORIGINAL: cjenny
It just seems so obvious to me. If cheating is going to be involved then you need to un-involve from the marriage. Not every marriage can or should be saved but stepping out should not be an option either. Not til those final papers are filed, then do what you want with whom you want. Yeah yeah it is *gasp, breaking a vow to divorce*  but I don't consider that a moral sin. Fucking someone outside of your marriage however is to me, a moral sin.
OMG I have a moral. Sigh. It was bound to happen eventually eh. /end quote

marieToo
You really do need to read more slowly in a less angry state.
 
marie, I wasn't angry at that point lol. i think if you read carefully you will see where you emphatically state that divorce is on par with cheating in terms of vow breaking.
enough of this, i wont be continuing this thread. i wanted to clarify why you upset me on your last post.

sorry for the length and lack o punctuation. oh jeez i hope i copied all of this correctly!




_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:32:45 PM   
Wildnfreehrt2004


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domdecisive

Amazing to me how people who are supposedly so liberal, sensitive, and supportive of homosexuality, bisexuality, peeing on another, bondage and play rape, anal sex, and dozens of other things that most vanilla types would find abhorrent, can be so judgemental about extra-marital bdsm activity.   This notion of cultural diversity and welcoming alternate lifestyles seems to only be ok when it's about your own kink, but not when it's someone else's choice of lifestyle.  


Perhaps it's not so much judgment of someone's choice to cheat, but rather a judgment about those values that are purported to be held so high in the lifestyle - truth, honor, integrity, honesty, respect..... those values are missing from many people for many reasons, but cheating (other than open relationships with knowledge and consent of all parties involved) excludes those values by definition.

I support people who exhibit those values. People cheating are excluded from those I support. When did it become okay to hold those values dear and not exclude those people that don't exhibit them?

Wildy

(in reply to Domdecisive)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:36:04 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

And all the "pro-cheating" people out there can flame me all you want. I really don't care.



Since it was my posting that you replied to I hope you will at least realize that I am not "pro cheating" and any inference that I am comes from a lack of understanding on your part of what I am trying to say or more likely a lack of my own communication skills in trying to convey my points.

If the latter is the case than let me once again reiterate, I have never cheated on a spouse and never engaged in a relationship with a married person and I am not in any way shape or form advocating cheating.



That clears things up a bit, though the general rant was not directed at you. 


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:38:31 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

I really don't care who's dad cheated on who's mom and whatever baggage someone is carrying along after all these years.  I mean I do feel sorry for any pain it caused innocent children, but neither parent should have made it known. 


It's hard to not make it known when the act of cheating is causing the other person's spouse to call the house and make death threats against the entire family.

In my experience that is part of what you risk when you are cheating and helping others cheat. I got lucky in my personal mistakes.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:39:17 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		Sly...people here accused you of cheating, just based on a question you asked? Sheesh That is too funny. Am sorry you had to explain yourself. I never got that from your OP. I simply took it as a purely unrhetorical question.

Nah, I wasn't the original poster, I just stuck my fat head in the door with my viewpoint and have been defending it ever since although after nine pages even I don't know who the original poster is so your confusion is more than understandable: )



_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:46:13 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		ah ha...it was rubyleu...lol.   There were just so many people posting.  

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:50:32 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		For that I am sorry.  Wow did he choose someone unstable!  That stinks.  Many times that does not happen...ie...the death threats and everything.  Most cases I know of it never gets to that point.  Am a former social worker by the way.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:51:19 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		*hands texancutie a bbgun and some camo*
you may need that in here! oh, hip waders too.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:56:12 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

*hands texancutie a bbgun and some camo*
you may need that in here! oh, hip waders too.


Frankly I find a few glasses of wine to be helpful in reading the forums. *grins*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:56:58 PM   
Wildnfreehrt2004


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline 		Bandit, they are tarring everyone with the same brush. A psychoanalyst I knew used to say that in every bad marriage the blame was fifty fifty. A Catholic wife doesn't want any more children for example and therefore won't have sex as she believes it is only for procreation. Is the husband to blame for finding a girlfriend on the side to fulfill his needs since his wife refuses to? Or is the blame hers for arbitrarily deciding that the marriage was to be celibate for the next forty years? Should he abandon his marriage, cause his children to suffer from him not being there for them nightly any more? Where in these situations is there the one perfect solution that leaves no one hurting? Because I've never found one.
******************************************
Oh I listened to this story for a long time from a married man... his choices are: to be open and have her consent to cheat and staying married, to get a divorce, and in one case, since his excuse for staying married was to honor his wedding vows (non Catholic) I suggested he honor the part of forsaking all others too.....(he forgot that part). It took two to get married, it takes two to stay married - it takes two to decide to stop having sex. And being adult, each gets to accept the consequences of their choices and speaking up to agree/disagree with them.

In this day and age, divorce is accepted in our society - there's no shame in it so why stay and take away someone's choice or cause pain with betrayal and deceit? Get single, stay single and sleep with as many people as you like and cheat no more. Or be totally honest, open and get the other persons' consent.

Wildy

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 3:57:39 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		I'll shoot my eye out though...lol  But thanks!  

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 4:01:04 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know, I like a bitch that can take it in the eye and come back, saying give me a little more---

Vincent Price 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 4:10:19 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Hey....Jack Rinella was just in Houston.  My gf met him, I couldn't go.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 4:12:58 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		*hands texancutie a bbgun and some camo*




.....gently takes away the bb gun and points to 6 naked sweating chained slaves dragging a ten thousand megaton thread killing cannon up the hill and whispering softly, when I yell hit the deck hit the fucking deck .....


_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 4:23:24 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Scuse me SlyStone um.. but that is MY bbgun..



may i have it back please?

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: being married... - 1/28/2007 4:25:38 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Uh Oh--see; how's that go?

cjenny got her gun----
cjenny got her gun---

Pink Floyd


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 180
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