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Jasmyn -> RE: Tearing a man down (3/6/2005 6:44:49 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mantis65
Here’s something I am torn on …..
I don’t except people to agree whether its good or bad just want to see how Dommes and subs feel about this?
Some of my Woman friends are Female Supremacists that feel men are inferior to themselves. They never have had much of a conflict with me since they know I am submissive I guess they figure I know my place.
Anyway my thought was about something LadyAngelika said. I couldn’t find her exact quote but it’s similar to:
Some woman need to make the male sub feel inferior so they can feel superior to them.
Ands something LadyTantalize said has been haunting me:
I've seen. A type of "institutionalizing" occurs in which the sub becomes either infantile, robotic or zombie-like from being constantly "dehumanized or and devalued.
The drone like dependency sounds sexy to me on a twisted fantasy level but I know I would never want to experience this level of submission in real life.
Anyway I love the idea of humiliation and being reduced in status.
I myself feel I for some reason a need to be reduced in status somewhat.
So heres my question how much of the slaves/ subs self estem do you damage if at all? and how far is too far to go with tearing down his self image?
mantis
IMO, too far would be if they (the sub) felt or displayed feelings or behaviours common in domestic abuse victims. Where the sub is grossly unhappy and not feeling good about themselves as a person outside and in the d/s relationship. A feeling of worthlessness and devaluation. I tend not to abide by the notion that there is no wrong way or right way of doing things, that each couple are free to set their own boundaries and relationship dynamics...because if something is pyschologically damaging, no amount of d/s or kink labels are going to make it acceptable (to Me), (and that works both ways, for subs creating situations of psychological abuse upon their dominants too).
But to answer your questions in context, I will go as far as I need to go in any given situation, d/s or otherwise whereby I maintain My self respect (as defined by Me) but also get to succinctly make My point. It takes some doing to push My buttons, but if a boy deserves My wrath he is well and truly going to get it and if it makes him feel bad then so be it, I'm only telling him it for his own good. But to call him a farken idiot everytime he spills some milk or trips over his shoes ain't My style. I don't want to erode the self esteem, I want to mold what self esteem there is into something more.
So I tend not to think in terms of 'stripping' self esteem...rather managing the 'ego'...and if the 'ego' is getting in the way of the 'submissive' then the 'ego' needs to 'go' bye byes.
In scenes as well I will do what is necessary to bring about the desired result...if he wants to be kicked in the nuts while I tell him he's a worthless pig then so be it, thats exactly what will happen. If after I sense he has issues with what he desires, guilt, confusion, etc, then I will allay his fears where possible, but ultimately it is going to be up to him to integrate his desires with himself and who he is when he begs to be degraded, craving it. I mean seriously, how farked is that? A grown man wanting to be kicked in the balls? And if that floats someone's boat, they're going to have some self doubt for sure...but god bless each and everyone of them who do ;)
Jasmyn
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