Looking for advice... (Full Version)

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deathitivity -> Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 9:23:50 AM)

Several weeks ago a Mistress initiated contact with me.  It started off well, we had some good back and forth dialog through the message system here, though after a while I found her to be be more whimsical than serious.  She wanted me to IM her but she is rarely online.  She also seems to ignore a good 50% of everything I say to her.  Also, it has been exceedingly hard to get a clear picture out of her.  Now I am beginning to lose interest... but I really want someone to break me in.  I need some advice... should I stick through it and try to meet her, even if it's not entirely worth it?

PS: I'm pretty sure you don't read the message boards, but if said Mistress reads this, I hope you can understand where I'm coming from.



MercilessMarcy -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 9:28:45 AM)

She's just not that into you OR she's lying about her availability.  Perhaps you should ask yourself if she meets YOUR critieria.  This has been going on for several weeks?! NEXT!!



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 9:29:36 AM)

What good is meeting someone and being broken in when there is no actual interest to follow it up?  If she is whimsical, ignores you, and you are losing interest... why would you think you are ging to have even a halfway descent experience with her should you hapen to meet?
If it were me, Id say forget her and see if you can find someone with a better connection, especially for a first time.  But thats just me.

DV



MsKatHouston -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 9:33:17 AM)

Best case scenario, though unlikely...there are extenuating circumstances for your first impression and in person this lady is everything you want, at least for an initial play partner.  You have some fun, maybe find a friend and get some play.

Worst case scenario, you settle, play and it leaves such a bad impression on you that you have to overcome the bad feelings for the next, possibly better suited lady. 

Then there's everything in the middle.  You are not exclusive.  I see nothing wrong with continuing a search while meeting this person, not for play but in a vanilla setting to guage compatibility.  You will probably get a better sense of what you should do.

My general advice, though, is to not jump into anything with anyone just because you are anxious to get started.  It rarely works out well when the stars are not aligned correctly.  Good luck.



thetammyjo -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 10:34:36 AM)

I think the best way to get experience is to get involved with a face-to-face community via munch, workshops, even clubs can be ok.

Looking to get your first experiences from online contacts isn't really high on my list of things I consider part of a program to success.

I think if you just want some play and some experiences you can do that by volunteering at workshops and the like. Less potential emotional drama too.



LadyOunce -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 12:41:33 PM)

I wouldn't. Do you want to risk a bad experience or even a lack luster one that puts you off your desires forever? If they aren't listening to you, how can you trust that they'll respect your limits? Or that they won't give the attention needed during crucial moments?



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 12:58:31 PM)

My mom's advice: Ask yourself two questions: If they left, would you miss them? Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer is no to either question, you need to reevaluate the relationship and consider moving on.

Really, the best way to meet people is to get out into your local community. Go to google and put in BDSM and the nearest large city and see what you get.

Master Fire



MistressTaboo -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 1:26:13 PM)

In her defense...it depends on what you are saying...I won't respond to openly 'wanker questions"...you know..."what will you do to me? What would do if I did this? Tell me about your strap ons. What do you do with your husband?"

I'm not interested in getting guys off via IM or email. And when a guy starts the one handed typing I either leave the conversation or I change it around. Normally they get the message pretty quickly...if they don't eventually I move them to ignore.

So her ignoring 50% of your questions might be wanker questions...and her seeming silly might be her changing the conversation to get your hand off your dick.

Ms. Taboo





deathitivity -> RE: Looking for advice... (1/27/2007 3:33:40 PM)

Thank you all for your responses.

I think I am going to take MsKatHouston's advice and continue looking but try to keep my options open with said Mistress. It's quite possible she's lost interest in me as well.  Definitely not going to jump into the first opportunity I get.  I've got enough integrity to not let a bad first experience turn me sour though.  I should get out into the local community.

I can honestly say I am not a wanker, and actually I prefer to take a non sexual approach at first.  Definitely not interested in getting off via IM or EMail.



TheLaughingDomme -> RE: Looking for advice... (2/10/2008 8:14:14 PM)

There's a lid for every pot- just keep cookin! It might be good for any sub to approach someone with something thoughtfully written, describing who they are and what they feel they need. "let's chat" or other one-liners are never really appreciated.



DommeKeliDallas -> RE: Looking for advice... (2/11/2008 9:53:51 PM)

Most Dommes don't want newbies.



rubberpet -> RE: Looking for advice... (2/11/2008 10:15:22 PM)

I was in a similar situation with my owner.  The first few weeks were sporadic at best.  She was going through some rough times and when I gave Her my number in case She wanted/needed to talk, She thought I was blowing smoke up Her butt.  She didn't think I was serious or sincere with my concerns.  I'd go sometimes up to a week between messages from Her and while my normal reaction would have been to cut my losses and move on, something just wouldn't let me.  I'm so glad I listened to my gut.  She is flying down next month with collar in hand to visit and take permanent ownership of me! [:D]

My advice is simple...follow your gut.  If things are a little loopy right now, but something is telling you to hang on, then hang on.  If your gut is telling you to split, then split.  Only you know what will work best for you.  Good luck!



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