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Serving him too? - 1/27/2007 9:27:42 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
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For several years i have had what might be termed an "implicit" D/s relationship with an older female colleague. What i mean is that She dominates me and i submit to Her will but We/we never refer to one another as "Mistress" and "slave" and there is none of the paraphenalia of bdsm involved - no whips or chains etc. She is also happily married in what i had assumed to be a completely vanilla relationship, so i thought that being Her servant outside the home was as much as i could ever hope for.

Recently, however, there were unexpected developments. i quit my job just before New Year and She invited me to spend a few days with Her and Her husband. Previously when the three of Us/us had got together it had been pretty much as equals but this time i was treated as a sort of houseboy by both and it turns out that my colleague would like me to become just that.

As far as serving Her goes, that would be a dream come true, but i am very reluctant to serve another man. i am thinking that perhaps it is a price worth paying to be able to serve my former colleague and in any case, as that seems to be Her will i should obey, but what do the Ladies of "Collar Me" think?

paul

Post #: 1

RE: Serving him too? - 1/27/2007 9:39:15 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I think you should weight all the factors and make a decision. How's that for decisive?

Why wouldn't you want to serve him? Is it simply unfamiliar territory? Would you be able to? Is it a hard limit? What are the boundaries you would have in serving him? Have you discussed all these aspects?

Seems like you may be putting the cart a bit before the horse and there needs to be many more discussions and self examination before making a decision on whether or not you would be happy and fulfilled in such a situation.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 2

RE: Serving him too? - 1/27/2007 9:44:01 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Id agree, knowing WHY you arent comfortable serving him and in what capacity youd be expected to serve would help form an opinion.
It sounds like you have to sit down with both of them, figure out what would be expected of you by both parties, set up limits and rules for any interactions and then make your decision depending on how that worked out. For all you know, if the three of you get together and discuss this, you might find that it is the perfect arrangement.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 3

RE: Serving him too? - 1/27/2007 9:54:57 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
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Ladies,

Thank You. Of course You are right, all three of Us/us need to talk this through.

i think i've been afraid to discuss things before because there was something beautiful about Our/our relationship being unspoken and i didn't want to "break the dream". But now We/we need to talk or things could go terribly wrong.

Thank You again,

paul

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 4

RE: Serving him too? - 1/27/2007 10:29:58 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I think need to start negotiating and stop relying on this implicit arrangements. If you don't you could find yourself in an unpleasant situation down the road that might even have serious consequences.

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(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 5

RE: Serving him too? - 1/27/2007 12:44:03 PM

LadyOunce

Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I think this isn't a situation to enter into easily. Is the price worth it? Can you serve him or are you merely setting yourself, and them, up for disappointment when it fails because you can't do it?

If you still feel the desire to enter into it, you might wish to ensure that things are laid down in writing in a contract. In what ways will you serve each of them? What will you be expected to do for him, not just sexually but you do need to make sure that is addressed as well.

_____________________________

Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. -Jackson

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. -Einstein

Do not consider painful what is good for you. -Medea

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 6

RE: Serving him too? - 1/27/2007 1:19:19 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Sounds like you need to get her to define the duties of "houseboy". Then, decide if you can serve a man in that way. If you can't, don't accept.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 7

RE: Serving him too? - 1/28/2007 2:14:49 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
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Thanks to All for Your replies. Much appreciated.

paul

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 8

RE: Serving him too? - 1/28/2007 3:32:23 AM

nick2020

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

Hello paul: you mentioned seeking advice from the 'Ladies of Collarme' perhaps you would allow me to add something. If you are thinking that the price of serving the Mistress including the husband than it seems to me that you are more than half way there. It would seem that you are at a crossroad and the decision is yours. If it would be your dream to serve this Woman and you know what this committment to servitude entails it seems very straight forward either choose to serve or leave and give up the Mistress that would make your life a dream.

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 9

RE: Serving him too? - 1/31/2007 3:10:33 AM

MissSunita

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

you are beign disrespectful to your Mistress by implying that her husband/partner is not worthy of being served by you. Who do you think you are? you are a slave and must do as your betters command.

(in reply to nick2020)

Post #: 10

RE: Serving him too? - 1/31/2007 3:37:03 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

He didn't say that at all...he is simply questioning and asking for advice. And I think he has gotten very good advice. He needs to sit down with the two of them and talk it out. Find out exactly what a houseboy means to them and decide if he can accept.

(in reply to MissSunita)

Post #: 11

RE: Serving him too? - 2/3/2007 4:42:19 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Thank You very much for Your contribution, Miss Sunita.

Thanks also to nick and to bandit 25 for Her kind support.

paul

(in reply to MissSunita)

Post #: 12

RE: Serving him too? - 2/3/2007 8:04:25 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Dear God: Please protect the subs of CollarMe from such ignorance.

TexasMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSunita

you are beign disrespectful to your Mistress by implying that her husband/partner is not worthy of being served by you. Who do you think you are? you are a slave and must do as your betters command.

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to MissSunita)

Post #: 13

RE: Serving him too? - 2/3/2007 8:10:03 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSunita

you are beign disrespectful to your Mistress by implying that her husband/partner is not worthy of being served by you. Who do you think you are? you are a slave and must do as your betters command.

This is a prime example of the "One True Wayism" I've come to detest in the so called "Online BDSM Community."

I didn't see the OP imply that her husband was "not worthy of being served" by him. What I saw was his questioning of whether he could bring himself to serve a man. Worthiness has nothing to do with it.

Who does he think he is? He thinks he's Paul, from London a heterosexual, submissive man who, like all of us, is an utterly unique and beautiful human being.

He's a slave and must do as his "betters" command? Says who, you? Who do you think YOU are to be defining and dictating the conditions under which people you don't even know live their lives? Where in his post or profile does he identify himself as a "slave," or define what that word means to him? And who are his "betters" whose commands he "must" obey? He is a a human being. As such he has no betters, nor has he any "worses." He is under no obligation to obey the commands of anyone.

< Message edited by HarryVanWinkle -- 2/3/2007 8:12:09 AM >

(in reply to MissSunita)

Post #: 14

RE: Serving him too? - 2/3/2007 8:13:22 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

womanworshipper:

You've received some excellent advice here from those who recommended that you negotiate and define the expectations of the new developments in this relationship.

Beyond that, I would only caution you against serving the Lady's husband unless you are completely aware of, and agree to, his expectations of you.

If, for example, he wants to watch you serve the Lady in a more intimate way, you might be able to accept that.

If, on the other hand, he expects forced relations or male on male relations that you are not willing or ready to consider, allowing yourself to be manipulated into such a situation can have long lasting negative repercussions on you in many ways:

emotionally,
phychologically,
mentally and
physically.

R/t experiences often have a way of hitting one with a delayed reaction that can include remorse, regret, or self recriminations if you are not adequately prepared.

This is not a step to be taken lightly, and you should NEVER pass a limit when in doubt of the consequences until you are ready to accept the carefully assessed risks involved and are willing to work through the fallout, whether it turns out to be a pleasant surprise or a dreadful mistake.

I agree with the wisdom of those who have advised that it's time to take this up a notch, set aside the implicit nature of your dreams and take a serious reality check by defining and carefully negotiating your expected role and activities in this new dynamic.

Proceed with caution, and let us know how things develop?

All the best,

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 15

RE: Serving him too? - 2/3/2007 9:24:22 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Thank You very much, TexasMaam and also HarryVanWinkle.

Since my original post, i have spoken to the Lady concerned about this issue and She has assured me that She does not want me to serve Her husband. Ideally, She would like us both to be submissive to Her, but Her husband will only submit to Her some of the time and not generally when others are present. She believes that he behaved as he did toward me recently because he decided that if i was submissive to his wife i should be to him also.

She has spoken to him about this but it doesn't seem that there will be a quick solution. He is quite old now and She believes that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Nevertheless, We/we can try and She hopes that he will be influenced by my example and gradually become better behaved and more consistently submissive. In the meantime, i am under no obligations to obey him.

paul

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: Serving him too? - 2/3/2007 12:41:12 PM

lovecares

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

HELLO HOW ARE U DOING, THIS MY MAIL ADDRESS I WANT AS TO CHAT([email protected]). BYEE

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 17

RE: Serving him too? - 2/4/2007 10:48:12 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

MODS!

(in reply to lovecares)

Post #: 18

RE: Serving him too? - 4/13/2007 4:38:55 PM

wanka

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSunita

you are beign disrespectful to your Mistress by implying that her husband/partner is not worthy of being served by you. Who do you think you are? you are a slave and must do as your betters command.

This is a prime example of the "One True Wayism" I've come to detest in the so called "Online BDSM Community."

I didn't see the OP imply that her husband was "not worthy of being served" by him. What I saw was his questioning of whether he could bring himself to serve a man. Worthiness has nothing to do with it.

Who does he think he is? He thinks he's Paul, from London a heterosexual, submissive man who, like all of us, is an utterly unique and beautiful human being.

He's a slave and must do as his "betters" command? Says who, you? Who do you think YOU are to be defining and dictating the conditions under which people you don't even know live their lives? Where in his post or profile does he identify himself as a "slave," or define what that word means to him? And who are his "betters" whose commands he "must" obey? He is a a human being. As such he has no betters, nor has he any "worses." He is under no obligation to obey the commands of anyone.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 19

RE: Serving him too? - 4/13/2007 5:06:57 PM

Mysti

Posts: 125
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSunita

you are beign disrespectful to your Mistress by implying that her husband/partner is not worthy of being served by you. Who do you think you are? you are a slave and must do as your betters command.

Seriously?

_____________________________

Sic vis pacem, para bellum- If you want peace, prepare for war

Check me out: http://lolavalentinos.etsy.com

(in reply to MissSunita)

Post #: 20

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