Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Question for the doms


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Question for the doms Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Question for the doms - 3/4/2005 8:09:28 AM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		ok, here's a something i'd like to ask the Dom/mes...what is it that you get out of Dominating, being in control...is it a control issue? does it go beyond that? is it perhaps influenced by your childhood? i mean, really...how would you explain why you are the way you are and what brought you to this point.. enquiring minds want to know! ; )

My best friend, which is vanilla has made comments at times to me that Masters probably have some control issues, some deep underlying trauma/issue....i am not saying i agree with that but just curious to know what it is that makes you be the way you are....i realize everyone is different yadda yadda yadda.....that's why i'd like your own individual response.




_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question for the doms - 3/4/2005 1:14:58 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I was born with the desire to dominate or control. It was evident throughout My entire childhood life (and certainly got Me in a hell of a lot of trouble). It destroyed several of My relationships, including My marriage.

Once I was introduced to the lifestyle and realized there was a name for who I was, it enabled Me to pursue relationships that would compliment My inate characteristics. Relationships that would fulfill Me. Complete Me. My pet becomes a part of Me. she is not merely a subordinate, but a very real part of My life. It gives Me satisfaction to have someone fulfill that need in Me, but it is more than that. I get a great deal of satisfaction out of making her happy, of seeing her blossom like a flower and thus My signature. It's a win win situation. she is happy and I am happy. I am happy about making her happy and happy that she is completing My very being. she is happy because she experiences personal growth and she is making her Sir happy. How can O/one go wrong?

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Question for the doms - 3/4/2005 2:36:41 PM   
MidnightWriter


Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		To some degree, it's control issues - everybody has 'em, but mine get to come out and play.

In some ways, it's like ballroom dance - it doesn't happen without someone knowing how to lead and someone knowing how to follow, but when it happens, it's a form of expression that's euphoric in a way that can't be explained in mere words.

In some ways, it's like tinkering with an engine - there's a deep satisfaction in taking it apart, cleaning and adjusting it, putting it back together, and seeing it work. There's the same deep satisfaction in watching them kneel/serve/perform/suck/whatever, with both knowing that they're doing it exactly as expected - and that just can't happen unless I've made my expectations clear and my training effective.

Then there's the purely selfish and self-centered "I get to have it MY way" - but I'd think that this would be obvious.

_____________________________

Power corrupts. Absolute power ... is really pretty nifty.

TIES - pansexual BDSM social group in MN, USA - http://www.ties-bdsm.org

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Question for the doms - 3/4/2005 3:23:30 PM   
tomtom1877


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline 		There are several forces that drive my dominance.

I enjoy teaching. I like seeing the light bulb go on when I show people new things, things that will help them now and later on. Not just in this lifestyle, but at work, where I spend a lot of time training new ones. In my "spare" time (that's wrong...because really, how much of that do any of us have?)....I am a wildlife volunteer, helping homeowners deal with conflicts with woodpeckers, mice, foxes, snakes and rabbits. I teach because it is who I am.

I have a fatherly side, too. You don't need kids to be a father figure when you are in this life....LOL...and, I enjoy being the head of my household. Again, from deep down inside.

Sure, there is my kinky, sexual side. I know I have these devilish little parts and those need time out in the open, too.

Now, as for your friend's belief that I must have underlying trama/issues to be of this life (this part really gets me going....), you tell me.

I grew up in a typical Ward and June Cleaver family. We were a religious, middle class, patriotic family with parents who were deeply committed to each other till death and dedicated their lives to the family they had. My brothers and I played sports, belonged to the cub scouts, and made it all the way thru high school. I never saw anyone raped, killed, tortured, maimed or kidnapped. Sex, when it happened was straightforward....shoot, a bj was as close to wild as we ever got.

So, I ask you, where are your friend's underlying trama/issues in that?

You know, I get worked up by vanillas who think they know ALL about this life from an article they read or a story they heard because they are usually so far off base, it's not even funny.

If your friend wants to know about this life, tell him he can walk in my moccasins first.

THEN, he might have some backround to support the things he says.

If I were you when he starts this trash, I'd just smile sweetly and say "sure, that's it....we are all a bunch of sexual sickos. Got any virgins we can de-flower?"..... Then, wink and walk away.

(in reply to MidnightWriter)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question for the doms - 3/4/2005 7:37:13 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I could have sworn that I answered this question in another thread but whay the hay, I'll give another answer to the question.

I work. I go to school. I have bosses and teachers. Out in the real world I'm not in charge of much. I take orders from Doctors, Nurses, and Patients. At school I'm just a student. So somewheres in my life I like having a big say so and control. It works well in my relationships. And I enjoy being a Sadist.

Even when I end up being a supervisor, manager, or director; I still plan on being the Dom in my relationship. I guess the lack of controll in the beginning is what started it as I sought to have controll somewheres in my life.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Question for the doms - 3/4/2005 8:30:08 PM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		quote: If I were you when he starts this trash, I'd just smile sweetly and say "sure, that's it....we are all a bunch of sexual sickos. Got any virgins we can de-flower?"..... Then, wink and walk away.

lol...well, this friend of mine, which is a female, doesn't really know much of the lifestyle, obviously lol, but she tries to rationalize everything so she feels that someone wanting to be dominated, or wanting to dominate the way that we do in the lifestyle, in her mind, means that it comes from somewhere else other than just having these desires and needs because it's simply the way we are.

thanks to all that have shared your posts so far, i was very curious to know this, and sorry if this thread has already been posted in the past, i had not seen it before....i always hear about the submissives desires and what drives them to be this way, plus i know what it feels like for myself, and i know why and what it does for me but i always wonder about the doms point of view.


_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question for the doms - 3/4/2005 9:15:40 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

ok, here's a something i'd like to ask the Dom/mes...what is it that you get out of Dominating, being in control...is it a control issue? does it go beyond that? is it perhaps influenced by your childhood? i mean, really...how would you explain why you are the way you are and what brought you to this point.. enquiring minds want to know! ; )

My best friend, which is vanilla has made comments at times to me that Masters probably have some control issues, some deep underlying trauma/issue....i am not saying i agree with that but just curious to know what it is that makes you be the way you are....i realize everyone is different yadda yadda yadda.....that's why i'd like your own individual response.





Do I have control issues? More than likely. My girl says I can be a little obessessive about how I like things. I've always been that way. Some things just work better my way, lol. Sometimes there may be no better reason for doing things my way than the fact that I want it done just so. Many times, though, my way works better, is more efficient, is more aesthetically pleasing, etc.
My dominance springs from my desire to remake my world according to my specifications. Luckily it appears to be a successful renovation thus far, so I must be doing something right. :) Part of reworking my environment is populating it with those who are inclined to see and respect the brilliance and beauty of my vision. My girl doesn't always find my decisions to be superior to those she would have made in my absence but she agrees with me often enough to trust me when doubts surface.
I don't know if other dominants are similarly wired, but I would much prefer to be alone than compromise myself and my ideals. I love my girl for who and what she is and I value her service greatly but I could and would dismiss her without a second thought rather than cede my my control to her. I believe in who and what I am and believe that I am more fit than most to lead. It is also entirely possible that I am extremely egomaniacal. ;) At the very least, I am confident in my ability to make good decisions, not only for myself but also for my girl.
Timothy

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question for the doms - 3/5/2005 5:05:17 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

...what is it that you get out of Dominating, being in control...is it a control issue? does it go beyond that? is it perhaps influenced by your childhood? i mean, really...how would you explain why you are the way you are and what brought you to this point.. enquiring minds want to know! ; )

My best friend, which is vanilla has made comments at times to me that Masters probably have some control issues, some deep underlying trauma/issue....i am not saying i agree with that but just curious to know what it is that makes you be the way you are....i realize everyone is different yadda yadda yadda.....that's why i'd like your own individual response.


Your friend may have something in this for a stereotypical answer - but those are often wrong when we deal with things which are outside of the "norm" tha society presents, as they are a reaction (vice contemplation) to the abnormality....

What I am saying is your friend is utilizing a typical and canned response to deal with something she may not like - that there are people who are dominating in the world and in their lives.
The fact is - as you (obviously) know - there is no one answer as to "why" someone is "some way".

Me - "I am what I am, and that is all that I am" (all hail the great oracle Popeye [may his name be revered and held with all that is holy])

~J

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Question for the doms - 3/7/2005 12:29:59 AM   
Augusten


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/25/2005
Status: offline 		Oddly enough my desire to dominate comes from my overwhelming need to heal people. I have some control issues, yes. But I believe no more than the average person. In fact, I think less so.

I enjoy dominating others becasue they find freedom in it. I learned that pain can heal at an early age. My sister broke her arm and it healed wrong. I held her hand, heard the wet snap of a bone breaking and wiped her tears while they reset it.

The world looks different from below. Rock bottom means you have nothing to loose. When someone reaches that point their is a liberation. I get off on it, for sure. I feel like I'm fulfilling a higher purpose of Michealite nature. There seems to be this desire in almost every person to destroy others or themselves. (I believe it's different aspects of the same concept.) It is bizaar. It's like forrest fires in nature. But like forrest fires- there's a cleansing that through most other means would unlikely surface.

So in short I dom to fulfill others. Which in turn fulfills myself. I don't know if that's selfish. I think t's mutually beneficial. :)

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Question for the doms - 3/7/2005 8:09:51 PM   
FragileRose


Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I know you asked the Dominants for their perspectives, but I just asked my own Master about this issue. I am always probing in fact to try and understand what he is getting from our relationship. Most recently, he was describing placing me in chains while we were talking on the telephone. I asked him what he would do with me at that point. His answer at first was "Please myself." Then, he followed with "Take you to new places. Make you whole." My sense is that while the Dom appears to be pleasuring himself, he gets the most fulfillment from giving pleasure to his submissive. Our society has nearly eradicated the idea of a man being a giver - women are now grabbers. They often want to assert their rights. This may be contrary to millions of years of evolution, when men provided for men. It seems that D/s gives some people the chance to redress this imbalance in their private, intimate lives. It is empowering for a Dominant to feel that he is giving happiness and joy of his own free will to a woman that is placing herself in his hands.

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question for the doms - 3/8/2005 2:07:23 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Hello ruffnecksbabygir,

It's like asking why food tastes good (to most people), fucking feels good (to most people) and shit smells bad (to most people). We have these perceptions because we've been rewarded for them (in the evolutionary sense). Granted some people have their wires crossed and experience things in atypical ways, but I'm talking about the fat part of the bell curve here. We assert dominance or submit to dominance because these are basic, natural drives.

Is it an "issue"? Not necessarily, or even usually. It depends on whether it's adaptive behavior. In other words, does it make any sense in the context in which it appears? Someone who feels they need to assert control even when it's clearly unnecessary is just as maladaptive as the 400 pounder stuffing his or her face with a big-mac or the guy falling asleep at his desk because he couldn't bring himself to stop masturbating to porn and only got two hours of sleep. All of these are examples of natural drives gone haywire for whatever reason.

The funny thing is that the guy you were talking to was exhibiting the behavior he was naming. By thinking that everyone who asserts dominance has "control issues" he's able to make them seem less threatening to himself. He's controlling his perception of something that might otherwise be uncomfortable to confront directly. A dominant individual is someone to be reckoned with, afterall, while a control freak can just be pitied and dismissed.




< Message edited by Leonidas -- 3/8/2005 2:13:50 AM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question for the doms - 3/9/2005 8:28:36 PM   
Conductor


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/4/2004
Status: offline 		Most SUBS don't want he pressure of a relationship and enjoy the freedom of relinquishing control. They usually enjoy the protection and LOVE from their MASTER and desire to please and service him. The manifestation of their fantasies is both Orgasmic and provides them a feeling of security. In essence though, SUBS have the control of setting limits, although most expand their parameters as they develop Trust and Adoration of their MASTER. There's a MEGA difference between Submissiveness and Subserviance.

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question for the doms - 3/10/2005 6:43:58 AM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		Im just a dominant personality, i wasnt abused beaten, I dont get pissed off at work when my boss gives me something to do I just like to believe that I have not control but more so I am fullfilling a need for a controller for others. Ironically I do it because I like the feelin of helping out others. Besides isnt the sex just better that way lol.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question for the doms - 3/10/2005 8:35:19 AM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		Ahhh, the age-old debate of the etiology of BDSM - is it nature vs. nurture, or lack thereof of proper nuturing? Is it inborn, inherited, or reactionary measures from trauma. Possibly it's a combination of all mentioned, possibly for others it some of one and a little of another. I think the causes and origins for dominant or/and submissives personalities are as diverse and individualized as the people involved.

As for the total control issue, I adore the control but I only seek such control over My personal situations, scenes or relationships. I'm not a "controlling person" seeking to rule over every situation or person I meet. For some Dom/mes with a more "domineering" personality, the total control could be a big origin for their Dominant nature.

I also think it's possibly also just some strange neurotransmitter possibly firing a bit differently in kinksters than in vanillas ..... a weird wiring that leaves up open to explorations and experimentations with the either the dark side of life, the strange, bizarre and perverted, or alternative sexual lifestyles.

For Me, it's all of the above, but mostly it's innate. I tied My first child to a tree at the age of five. I am also a child of divorce and an absent father, so issues could have arisen from such, although the boy tied to the three occurred prior. I grew up an only child so control and getting what I want are life-long habits, and I've a flamboyant, dominant grandmother in My history whose genes I feel are coursing through My veins.

Great topic!!



_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 14
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Question for the doms Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078