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Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 11:36:40 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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i have not visited this forum for some time becouse i am tinking, and considering, not realy knowing where i belong. It can be dificult not to realy understand that, to want somthing and yet to not want it at the same time.

i have been interestet in slavery, long before i became interested in sex, i used to play being a slave, and other such games whit my dolls. When i became interested in sex, it was BDSM i was drawn to. But i am clearly not a slave. I would perhaps not call myself strong, i have a tendency to to easy be swayed by what others think in all other things that what is closest to me, but i have a will of my own, and a definite goal in my life. i want to sumbit, and i have dreams aboute it, and it feels werry right, but at the same time i cant mage to be at ease whit it. How can i, an i have to admitt ambisious occultist, submit to another person.

So i begin to think, perhaps i am a bottom, not a submissive, would being bottom somtimes satify my needs, while that is certinly fun, it do not satify it. i want somthing more. Yet at the same time, i dont seam to fit into the mold most of the submissives at this site seam to fit it.

i am not that service minded. To me submission is letting another person deside, not to put their intrests before my own, but just to let them take charge. i could never be a domestic servant, i could not scarifice so much time on cleaning up a house, becouse i have my own things to do. i try to work out in my head what i want, yet i do nt understand my self.

Me and my fiance have tried tolive in a 24/7 relationship whit me as a sub, and it feel werry right. But at the same time i feel like i am doing somthing wrong becouse i am not service minded. i hear of submissives and slaves here that take their gratest yoy form serving, i do not, i take my gratest yoy from my own things, but i do feel meaning in having somone whit power over me. Where in this confusing BDSM world do i fit i ask myself, i would appear to be a bottom, i do like session, i have an intrest in pain, and i like the trappings, why can i not be happy whit just being a bottom now and then? why do i feel like being a submissive when i am clearly not fit for it.

Sorry aboute this post being caothic and not well written, i just felt like letting out some steam and fristration aboute how i felt.

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 11:59:36 AM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

Nella, do not worry about labels. You mentioned that you and your fiance tried a 24/7 relationship and it felt very right to you. This is what counts. Do not let labels define you - define your labels instead.

If your fiance was happy with your submission and you were too, then I do not think there is any problem.

(in reply to nella)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 12:48:10 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

nella,
I can sense that this issue has given you an awful lot of grief. I think the problem is that you are trying so very hard to fit in to what alot of other people have stated their reality is. nella, the bottom line is that it is THEIR reality....it does not have to be yours. There are not two submissives on this board(or anywhere else) who are exactly alike. Don't worry about what the label means to them....worry about what it means to you and your Sir. If you are pleasing Him....then isn't that what is important? Other people can and will have opinions....but that is all they are....their opinions. You don't have to own them and you don't have to fit into their box.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 1:30:18 PM

ARoseAndAnEye

Posts: 67
Joined: 12/8/2004
Status: offline

I agree wholeheartedly with onceburned. Every relationship is unique and comes with its own set of rules, boundaries and dreams.

I label myself "sub" to my Master. My husband is my Master. And yet there are times that we both know i top from the bottom... but it doesn't matter TO US. It's OUR game... our adventure. Master will hand me to Others... Dom/mes, and in those situations, the relationship is different, my behavior is different, His behavior is different, and the game morphs for the time being.

Nella, I think its far more important to be relaxed and able to enjoy yourself with WHOMEVER you are with, whether its "vanilla" or in what we like to call "the scene". Be Nella before anything else.

~anna

(in reply to onceburned)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 2:54:54 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

I think the problem is that you are trying so very hard to fit in to what alot of other people have stated their reality is. nella, the bottom line is that it is THEIR reality....it does not have to be yours.

I concur 100%. Generally those who are the first to judge and label you aren't even truly making it in their own life. I would'nt worry at all.
Just be who you need to be. If you meet people you fit in with totally all the better. If not you're a trendsetter. Definately either way it is nothing to be worried about.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 4:40:50 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Welcome back to the forums nella. I also don't see any reason to need to attach a label to yourself. The important thing is that you and your dom understand what is expected of you and you are able to please him.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 5:22:03 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

thanks you for all your repsoses. i am thinking alot aboute this, wondering. And yes i think i do have a tendesy to have to much of a need of labels.

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/4/2005 11:27:38 PM

rubytuesday

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline

nella - i agree with what the others have said but I just wanted to say welcome back - i for one have missed your posts.

smiles
ruby

(in reply to nella)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/5/2005 7:07:40 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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Thank you. It is always warming when somone say somthing nice.

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/6/2005 6:02:55 PM

sweetnygirl

Posts: 106
Joined: 1/1/2004
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nella,
Just be true to yourself & your fiance, you two are the only ones who matter in your relationship. It's no one elses concern how you submit or not except for your fiance's. If He is happy & you are too, then don't worry about it.

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Take time to eat the flowers!

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/7/2005 8:30:24 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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nella,
this slave has to agree with everyone that said don't put too much stock in the whole "label" thing. as you can see by visiting this forum, there are a gazillion different ways people incorporate BDSM into their lives--as soon as someone tries to nail it down to a label, someone comes along with a nail-puller and re-arranges that label into another form. as long as you and your fiance' are happy with how you define your relationship, that is what matters. live and learn and good luck to you!

(in reply to nella)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 3/7/2005 9:03:00 AM

PlayfulRaquel

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/6/2005
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Nella I would have to say your not alone in this. I get told many times I'm not a submissive because I believe it's not about service. I believe its a relationship and both parties need to get something out of it. I get called a bottom or just a sexual submissive all the time because I want something that feels right for me. I believe there are different types of submissives out there. And I don't let people say I'm not a submissive just because it isn't all about serving for me.

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