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RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 3:27:23 AM

Sinimint

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline

If you gave up your family and friends, is that being true to yourself -no it isn't - because friends are there because you need them too as well as your Dom/Domme.

My life is the same, it just has that extra something that was missing all along. Why would I give up friends and family - I dont understand that - they have nothing to do with my private relationships, so why would I give them up?

Giving up family - I just shudder at that - my Mum and Dad are my bestest friends as well as my Master.

< Message edited by Sinimint -- 1/29/2007 3:29:57 AM >

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 21

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 4:06:26 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

For D/s......I'd give nothing up at all. It's not something I *need*.

agirl

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 22

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 4:41:11 AM

asassylilslave

Posts: 93
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I see so many impassioned people here that are so consumed by the thought of D/s that they are wiling to upset their lives.. so I'm asking:

What did you or would you give up for D/s?

Your old Friends?

Your marriage?

Your Family?

(To paraphrase a Pennsylvania Dutch saying " D/s don't last.. loving do". D/s goes through changes)

What would I give up? Nothing because I fail to see why I should have to 'give up' anything in order to be happy and fulfilled. My family and friends are all aware of my likes regarding this life; and since I am not married, I don't see that as a problem. Of course, I don't see D/s as a part time game to play, but rather as my interaction with another; so I guess you can say that I am submissive to a point with everyone, including those that I work with ( who also happen to be very aware of my likes regarding the way I live my life ).

So, I don't see myself as having to ever give up anything to be happy.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 23

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 5:28:30 AM

valeca

Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline

My marriage is D/s, and my friends aren't a part of that commitment. Neither is my family (other than they were guests at my wedding). D/s isn't an external force that includes anyone outside of my marriage, so I have no need to give anything up.

If I were in a 'nilla marriage, my friends and family wouldn't be a part of it either, though. My relationship with my husband is mine, not theirs.

If I had to name something, I'd probably give up my job if it became necessary to do so.

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to asassylilslave)

Post #: 24

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 6:16:02 AM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

My family and friends are aware that my marriage is a private thing. While they may not agree with our dynamic, the details are none of their business. As long as I am happy and well taken care of that's what is important.

As for being in a 'nilla relationship, I cannot say. I do not know if D/s is that vital to who I am since I have been in one relationship only since beginning this dynamic (my marriage).

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to valeca)

Post #: 25

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 6:38:44 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

What did you or would you give up for D/s?

Your old Friends?

Your marriage?

Your Family?

(To paraphrase a Pennsylvania Dutch saying " D/s don't last.. loving do". D/s goes through changes)

you mean when Daddy found, chose and collared me i had to give up something? un-freaking-believable!

j/k

seriously, i didn't give up anything in my personal life for D/s. why should i? just because Daddy collared me as His daughter and submissive, it doesn't mean i should neglect the other part of my life that isn't D/s. in fact being a submissive to Daddy is actually helping the vanilla side of life in me with my daily responsibilities and obligations to my family, career and community.

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 26

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 6:49:30 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

The only thing I am completely unwilling to give up are my kids. I will change myself and sacrifice personal happiness for them. Now, there are other very important things in my life that I would not like to give up and I would not give any of them up easily. But in that decision making process, my sense of self weighs more heavily and would be much more of a factor.

It is difficult to answer such a general question because there are so many more consideratiosn that surround those types of circumstances. But if I had to answer based on the OP I would say almost everything else would be considered. It might not win, but there's a possibility.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 27

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 6:58:17 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinimint
If you gave up your family and friends, is that being true to yourself -no it isn't - because friends are there because you need them too as well as your Dom/Domme.

My life is the same, it just has that extra something that was missing all along. Why would I give up friends and family - I dont understand that - they have nothing to do with my private relationships, so why would I give them up?

Giving up family - I just shudder at that - my Mum and Dad are my bestest friends as well as my Master.

If my friends decided that my life choice was wrong, abusive and there was no other way and that they could not respect me or love me anymore because of my choices- I would end those friendships rather than change my life choices.

Same with family.

Again, I've not had to make these choices in my life and I never really expect to do so.

But I don't forget that it COULD happen, and I would remain true to myself, rather than true to what they tell me I should be.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sinimint)

Post #: 28

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 7:19:21 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What did you or would you give up for D/s?

Your old Friends?

Your marriage?

Your Family?

i havent really given up anything for D/s. i've given up alot of bad behavior for MYSELF (with help). D/s isnt that important to me. Whats important to me is my baby girl and for her i would give up everything. If i found out in 20 years, she was going to hell - you can bet your buck i'd go right along with her (if i couldnt stop it). What i have passion for is my baby girl and with her - there is no limit to what i would do.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 7:24:00 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

"What did you or would you give up for D/s?

Your old Friends?

Your marriage?

Your Family? "

All of those are part of who I am. If I gave any of them or it up I'd be giving up part of myself.
Then I would'nt have as much to offer to my dominant. I am who I am because of the people around me.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 30

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 7:25:02 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

What would I give up?

Nothing.

Ds is intergrated into my life. I have never lied or hide who/what I am and what I expect therefore there is never anything to give up.

I might not get a job because of it but I didn't give that up, I wouldn't want a job where your private life is valued more than your abilities at work -- in fact, I'd say if that was the case, my Ds saved me from a horrible job.

Same with friendships and family. People either like me for me or they aren't worth having.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 31

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 8:34:28 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

The only thing I am completely unwilling to give up are my kids. I will change myself and sacrifice personal happiness for them. Now, there are other very important things in my life that I would not like to give up and I would not give any of them up easily. But in that decision making process, my sense of self weighs more heavily and would be much more of a factor.

It is difficult to answer such a general question because there are so many more consideratiosn that surround those types of circumstances. But if I had to answer based on the OP I would say almost everything else would be considered. It might not win, but there's a possibility.

Maybe I should have asked..

What did you RISK for your D/s lifestyle?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 32

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 8:37:44 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Maybe I should have asked..

What did you RISK for your D/s lifestyle?

I have not risked anything for it personally. And I think that people should only risk what they can afford to, and if you can afford that risk, it does not feel like much of one.

My career might be the only thing to be affected, and to be honest, I do not see how that would happen either, I plan to teach university, not children

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 33

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 8:42:56 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

What did I risk? Nothing.

Similarly to TammyJo, I am open about who I am and what I do. People can accept it or not. For new people coming into my life they like me or accept me or they don't. If they don't they aren't in my world.

I do realize, however, that there can be existing relationships that change or have issues with lifestyle choices. If something in that respect changes, I would have to take it on a case by case basis and choose to either compromise...or not.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 34

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 8:46:54 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

I wouldn't give up anything at all, call me selfish.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 35

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 9:15:59 AM

stateira

Posts: 48
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

I haven't given up anything yet...Master understands that my family probably would not understand and that I am nowhere near willing to give them up. It's like leading a double life and honestly I don't have that much of a problem with it. my relationships are very personal to me anyway, so it's not a major upset to be or pretend to be vanilla some of the time.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 36

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 9:26:45 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

The marriage ended for other reasons. But since I had been celibate while married for the last 5 years, I decided to seek out a relationship that would include a moral, dominant man with a high sex drive and an interest in bondage.

I would have remained in the marriage with vanilla sex if he had been willing to go deal with his anger issues.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 37

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 9:27:56 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I have to say that at the time I finally "caved" and had an affair (that included D/s) after 11 years (out of 15) in an otherwise sexually dead marriage (which was also devoid of any affection whatsoever - it was the intimacy I was searching for, not even necessarily the sex. Only after I started seeing my ex-Dominant and had an affair with him, was I even aware he was into D/s - and then I got to explore D/s (which I'd been curious about for years anyway).

And I was, actually, on the verge of leaving my husband when this happened (and of course, anyone who reads my profile knows that I didn't end up leaving, for obvious reasons). But - I do think a D/s relationship (at least that one) provided me with the intimacy of which I had been deprived, and which I desperately needed. Intimacy - that is worth a lot to me - and I always thought it was what marriage was supposed to be about as well. I still don't have a many friends (one, save the people here at CM) who know I am into bdsm.

My family knows nothing about it (save my one sister) - however, I doubt if they would disown me or be unbearably irrevocably shocked were they to find out. We just don't discuss our intimate lives with eachother. We all love eachother and are good to eachother, though - and I doubt they'd never speak to me again, or anything like that.

I am sure if they knew, I might lose some "friends" - but I also know I have friends who would not care at all, about my involvement in bdsm (again, it just never comes up in conversation, and I see no reason to just toss it, willy-nilly, into conversation - because I don't feel a need to do that. I am not ashamed of it but it isn;t something I just discuss openly.

I am sure I would lose myriad acquaintances, were they to find of my interest in bdsm. I am not sure I'd care much, though (perhaps a little. It all would depend on how it played out I guess).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/29/2007 9:38:07 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Sinimint)

Post #: 38

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 9:39:36 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Maybe I should have asked..

What did you RISK for your D/s lifestyle?

no risk was involved either. only a choice - whether or not to accept Daddy as my Daddy offering my submission and total self to Him.

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 39

RE: What's it worth? - 1/29/2007 10:17:06 AM

asassylilslave

Posts: 93
Status: offline

quote:

Maybe I should have asked..

What did you RISK for your D/s lifestyle?

I risked absolutly nothing. I have been this way for as long as I can remember and will remain this way to the day I die.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 40

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