Wanker rage!

Wanker rage! (Full Version)

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petdave -> Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 7:56:10 PM)
Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding... If i were to find out that that the stories i've written, or a picture or something else i posted, aroused someone so much that they brought themselves of with it, i think i'd find that kind of flattering. However, from all that i've seen in various discussions, to a Female Dominant, such a thing is an affront similar to having someone call you a fat ugly whore, rape your mother, or step on your blue suede thigh-high boots. And while i understand the basic male/female sexuality disparity, i don't see anywhere near the... hostility from female submissives, much less any other gender/BDSM orientation combo. So what is it that's so offensive? Is it just because male masturbation is icky and pathetic? Is it because as Dominants, you feel that pleasure is yours only to receive, not to give? Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community? What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? (with apologies to Fat Mike) Cheers, ...dave

BabyNyla -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 8:10:04 PM)
When I was a Domme I used to write stories just to torment my male sub friends, because I knew they loved it and it got them all wiggly in their seats. I got a kick out of it, never pissy about it. If anything were to upset me though, it'd be when they saved my pics to their computer without asking, and then used it as jerk off material (one guy told me he saved all my feet pics and made a slideshow of them). I always felt that to be a violation of some sorts. If they had asked me if they could save them for that purpose ahead of time...then it flattering however. And as a sub I still write the stories for the guys, just to have something to still giggle about, lol.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 8:39:25 PM)
quote: However, from all that i've seen in various discussions, to a Female Dominant, such a thing is an affront similar to having someone call you a fat ugly whore, rape your mother, or step on your blue suede thigh-high boots. I think you misunderstand us. No one cares what you do on your own time with mine or anyone else's public image. I love it when a man compliments me/or thinks I'm hot. What I cannot stand is being treated like a cheap whore. I have begun conversations with men who start with nothing more than "I like your pictures." However, after a whole week of "I can't help it if I get hard when I look at you," or "I can't help it if I think you're hot/sexy", even that gets phucking boring, and I want to know what he does when he's not wanking, and did he notice there is much more to me than the ability to get him off sexually. M

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 8:49:11 PM)
When I take offense is not what someone has decided to do with my pictures or stories. I strongly dislike when a sub of either gender mails me to announce that they plan on bringing themselves to orgasm by way of my pictures or stories. I dont care what they do on their own time, but I dont like being brought actively into the fantasy of them telling someone, usualy in the hpes that we wil be flattered and ask them to tell us about it. I also dont like the ones that ask me for permission to wank off to my photos. They will ALWAYS get told no. I doubt that stops them, but I am not goingto get dragged into their fantasy of having been told by a domme to wank for them. My 2 cents DV

AquaticSub -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 8:52:36 PM)
While this is directed at mistresses, I would like to put in my two cents if I may. For me it depends on why I posted it. If you jerk off to an erotic story I wrote, I don't care. If you take the picture of me and my dominant and wank to it - that bothers me. It's not there to arouse you. It's there so that the people I get along with and even call friends here can see what I look like.Tto wank to that without my permission feels like a violation to me.

StacyCat -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 8:52:49 PM)
Because, I choose who gets to treat me like an object :-) If a man is only interested in me sexually or for what I can do for him in BDSM, thats not something I enjoy. And, its a far different thing for someone to say that I am attractive, or that they got off on my pictures, and wanting me to talk to them. Fine, jerk yourself off, but I dont want to hear about it if its the only thing you want to discuss.

MstrssScarlet -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 9:18:47 PM)
Doesn't really bother me either. I've had male subs tell me they enjoyed my pictures and as long as the conversation doesn't stall there, I'm fine with it. A few of the male subs I've become good friends with will sometimes let me know that they often do more than just look at the pictures. Hey! Once I've posted the pics, they pretty much become public domain. The only thing I would say is that sometimes I'd rather not be told what they're doing with them. Kind of an 'oversharing' sort of thing, you know? Mistress Scarlet Edited because a few people posted before I got this out who didn't agree with me. I feel pretty much the same as BabyNyla and BlkTallFullfig.

obey1 -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 9:28:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding... Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community? What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? Cheers, ...dave Signal to noise is a very intelligent concept. Please IM me for details. Other than that I have observed the same thing, y'all.

Adrenochrome -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 9:55:42 PM)
Pah. I really don't get how "seeing you made me want to cum" translates into "horrible violation." More people getting off to my image, my writing, or my lovely singing voice, the better.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 10:09:27 PM)
I get upset because of the fact that the person is not respecting my wishes. I state in my profile that I am in no way shape or form interested in anything online. These people know good and well by contacting me telling me what they intend to do, just did, or asking my permission to do, is not to flatter, it's to drag me into their online fantasy crap. no matter how you answer, they use that answer to get off...if it's I couldn't care less, then that is giving them, in their mind permission, and that I am some how their "mistress" now If I give a negative response, they use that too...cause at least someone responded to them, and they look on it as an instruction or being bad to defy..... I rarely block anyone, I try to reason with a person as best I can, but I've learned, to just block these people....because whether you answer or not, these idiots will continue to contact you with their one line emails...guess that's all they can muster with one hand on the keyboard....lol Besides, they are not paying attention to what you are actually typing to them any way. They just respond with whatever the next sentence is on their script...not to what you typed If that's all they have in their lives is to go around wanking to pics, who the hell cares...just leave me out of it

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 10:12:02 PM)
On why someone bringing themself off with my photo would be unappreciated ... As you noted, you (as a submissive male) and I are on opposite sides of the dynamic. You have to work your ass off to get a response, I am deluged with crap. It gets old. Really old. It's like being felt-up on the subway by a stranger -- creepy, sucky, but rather predictable. It's not sexy. After a while there's nothing hot about a stranger thrusting himself at you (if it was ever titillating). This statement may not be true of every Domme (what is, after all?), but at bottom, I am still a woman. I want to be treated like a person. Yes, I want to do all kinds of unspeakable things, but I don't want to do it with every dude who sends me a one line email, or even discuss it with them. The attitude you see is a mechanism put in place to protect one's private space. Like many other ladies, I'm sure, I put men through a song and dance in part to try to sift out the wankers. Honestly, 80-90% of the people who get in contact are clearly not compatible. Try to imagine how disappointing that might be. I hope that doesn't sound condescending. I don't mean it to be. Hope this offers some insight. MSS

demistress -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 10:19:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding... Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community? What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? (with apologies to Fat Mike) If someone wanks to my picture, or stories, I don't really care. It's the fact that even though I provide pix and stories and a very well filled out profile, etc. men INSIST on wasting my time, not reading my profile, and contacting me when they are obviously NOT a good fit. Then they go and ask for more time explaining WHY I have no interest in them (which is generally REALLY obvious in my profile details) which means they are either too lazy to read, or want to get some humiliation.

undergroundsea -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 10:23:08 PM)
I think being the focus of masturbation has potential to be invasive and whether or not it is depends on the persons involved; how one feels about being the focus of masturbation, and how one feels about the person doing it. As a man, I do not find the thought invasive. However, through a past dicussion, I saw the potential for violation by imagining how I would feel if a female family member or a partner was the focus of the masturbation. I think the potential for a feeling of being violated is different for the two sexes and this difference is related to a greater concern amongst women about sexual objectification. All that said, I think such a complaint is more valid in the absence of sexually overt stories or photos. And I think it is best for one who does maturbate to such a story or photo to not say anything. I think the violation of space occurs not as much with the act of the masturbation as by telling that person about the masturbation--it's not what you think on your time but what you say to the person that matters in this case. If the intent is to pass a compliment, I think the compliment can be directed at the photo or story without reference to masturbation. Cheers, Sea

Misstoyou -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/28/2007 10:31:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave If i were to find out that that the stories i've written, or a picture or something else i posted, aroused someone so much that they brought themselves of with it, i think i'd find that kind of flattering. For me, it's not that it's awful, it's just no big deal. It falls into the same category as the guys who pledge their undying love and devotion in their first message, more about what's in the sub's head, not much to do about me.

CalliopePurple -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/29/2007 12:06:01 AM)
I write porn. More specifically, I write guy-on-guy porn. Having my gay or bi male friends tell me that the story was hot and/or it's probably going to be used as wank fodder is taken as a compliment to my writing skills. But I'd be kinda creeped out to have someone say the same thing about my picture.

petdave -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/29/2007 4:07:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress I get upset because of the fact that the person is not respecting my wishes. I state in my profile that I am in no way shape or form interested in anything online. These people know good and well by contacting me telling me what they intend to do, just did, or asking my permission to do, is not to flatter, it's to drag me into their online fantasy crap. no matter how you answer, they use that answer to get off...if it's I couldn't care less, then that is giving them, in their mind permission, and that I am some how their "mistress" now Ahh, this is actually more along the lines of what i had originally intended to get at... i can understand irritation with contact from people who obviously are nothing like what you're looking for and have nothing interesting to say, but what sets me back is that it's always ascribed to masturbation, and accompanied by such condescension and hostility. So on the one hand, i wonder why there's no pity for the lonely, but on the other hand, it's not like i have any more sympathy for the impoverished souls overseas who constantly send me emails seeking assistance in transferring millions of dollars to the U.S... Is that really what it comes down to? Sad state of affairs, if so... are submissive men, collectively speaking, the sexual equivalent of Nigerian spammers? [:-] ...dave

MsKatHouston -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/29/2007 6:12:21 AM)
I think it's all in the delivery. Hell, if someone wants to wank to my pictures more power to them. But to write to me, without any prior history or relationship to tell me you did it and how you did it, in graphic detail brings me into something I have no desire to be a part of. I find it disrespectful and a violation of my comfort and personal space. I feel it objectifies me and I neither game my consent for you to do that nor did I intend to put myself out there for that purpose. So, I think there is intent and consent as considerations. If I posted erotica I would intend for people to be aroused by it. I would have no problem with someone wanking to it because that is the intent behind it. If, however, I replied to an otherwise respectful question regarding technique or philosophy where the intent behind the answer was opinion or eductaion then that was followed by "that was so hot, I imagined you doing that to me and..." that would offend me because it was not my intent to arouse. Then there is consent involved. If I want you wanking for me, you will know it. I can get off to that myself in a relationship that I have that is existing. But to draw me in to some fantasy someone has from a random stranger who writes to me with their wank material starring me...well I had no desire for that and certainly did not consent to it so I would appreciate it being kept to yourself. I think it is not the act of masturbation itself that is offensive or what evokes hostility. It is, instead, letting us know what you did and how you did it, unprovoked directly fromus, without permission, from a complete stranger and often in a disrespectful manner.

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/29/2007 6:39:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding... If i were to find out that that the stories i've written, or a picture or something else i posted, aroused someone so much that they brought themselves of with it, i think i'd find that kind of flattering. However, from all that i've seen in various discussions, to a Female Dominant, such a thing is an affront similar to having someone call you a fat ugly whore, rape your mother, or step on your blue suede thigh-high boots. And while i understand the basic male/female sexuality disparity, i don't see anywhere near the... hostility from female submissives, much less any other gender/BDSM orientation combo. So what is it that's so offensive? Is it just because male masturbation is icky and pathetic? Is it because as Dominants, you feel that pleasure is yours only to receive, not to give? Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community? What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? (with apologies to Fat Mike) Cheers, ...dave I dont do men....period. But, when my 24/7, real life sub verbally expresses any sexual desire or infers one in any way, she doesnt get anything from me. Nor is she allowed to masturbate. I decide, when, where, how and how often she is REWARDED by being pleasured, and that is defined by good behavior and service. That's just part and parcel of my dominance which was agreed upon during initial negotiations, and she had the right to make a choice of whom she wished to submit too. Plain and simple. LBO

thetammyjo -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/29/2007 7:09:59 AM)
If I wrote a story I'd expect it to turn someone on -- unless it wasn't an erotica story but even then I know even about human sexuality to know it might turn someone on. If my picture turns someone on, great. However why do I need to know what that someone did after they were turned on? I don't need to know that. Just saying "I loved your picture/story" is all I need to know. Frankly it is all anyone you are not in an initimate relationship needs to know. Anyone who tells me is asking for censure because he/she is not behaving in a socially acceptable manner for this sort of group. Hey if you read someone on a porn site and it has a button you can push to send a message about how horny it got you, that's something quite different because you are being asked to share. Otherwise what motivates the sharing of details?

thetammyjo -> RE: Wanker rage! (1/29/2007 7:17:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea And I think it is best for one who does maturbate to such a story or photo to not say anything. I think the violation of space occurs not as much with the act of the masturbation as by telling that person about the masturbation--it's not what you think on your time but what you say to the person that matters in this case. If the intent is to pass a compliment, I think the compliment can be directed at the photo or story without reference to masturbation. Exactly. Why share details? What is the goal of sharing such details? I think it is far more polite and far more likely to generate positive results if you just say "I really liked that" to someone. If she/he wants more details, they can ask and then you are free to say what you wish.

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