First meeting

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

First meeting

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> First meeting

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

First meeting - 1/28/2007 10:16:28 PM

Tippy

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline

How about a sampling of what different people do when first meeting a sub, where and what of the meeting?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: First meeting - 1/28/2007 10:19:12 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

I used to invite them to a restaurant nearby. Somewhere public and comfortable. I like crowded restaurants around dinner time, that way it's hard to overhear our conversation. I like to chat and drink, sometimes eat, while getting to know them. If it progresses from there, then i invite them over to my place on a second *date* where it might be more intimate, to do things like an inspection, etc.

_____________________________

My Journal

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: First meeting - 1/29/2007 5:48:02 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

It depends on how long I have been talking with them via phone or Internet or if I had met them at a fetish event in person. If I am very comfortable and get a good feel about them already, it is usually lunch or dinner. We would go somewhere we can pass a few hours and talk. Otherwise, it's coffee or a drink where it can be extended to more if desired or politely finish drink and move on.

I never play on a first date so the activities are generally vanilla. If there's really good chemistry I may do a lot of flirting and teasing but that's as far as I will go.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: First meeting - 1/29/2007 6:50:29 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Usually a first meeting is a getting to know meet. Sometimes at a restaurant or something. Not always though. Depends on how long they have been talking and where they met. It is different for everyone.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: First meeting - 1/29/2007 7:03:42 AM

nini333

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/23/2007
Status: offline

As a first time dom, I had the blessing of meeting a perfect sub whom I have met and interviewd , we got on like a house on fire and really enjoyed our time together. We have kept contact online and phone but he has cancelled on me 3 times since then and I miss him alot, we have talked about our future and seem very much into each other and compatible. I dont know what to say to him now, as a sub, he knows he shud obey and do his best always. I have sympathised with his last cancellation as he had a bad back, but is confused. I dont want to loose him for a little misunderstanding on my part but also dont wanna be disrespected by him,. Any one out there who can she some wisdom my way?..I will really appreciate...what do yu do when a sub is not showing to fulfil his duties to yu?...

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: First meeting - 1/29/2007 7:12:36 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Why isn't he? Are there real extenuating circumstances or merely excuses? For me, I can understand when certain things mean there has to be a cancellation but as long as I am confident I am a priority and it is only when there are significant factors at play would he cancel, then I am ok with it. However, if I start to feel like he is not making an effort to make me a priority than I find I no longer want to make him a priority and the relationship will fizzle.

It may be a bit early in the relationship to gauge complete compatibility also. I would have a clear discussion, talk about your expectations and whether or not he can comply. If not, maybe dial back the relationship to a more play partner aspect while you keep searching or leave it altogether. Only you can decide what you will and will not put up with. A perfect sub or perfect dom does not really exist IMO. It is whether or not you can identify and accept the real life imperfections that will make a lasting relationship. Good luck.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to nini333)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: First meeting - 1/29/2007 7:20:37 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

I always meet a new sub in a very public place. If everything goes well I'll give him/her my
#.
Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

Diane

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: First meeting - 1/29/2007 7:21:43 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

We go out to lunch -- lunch because there is plenty of time to travel safely afterwards (we will not be scening) and the meal prices tend to be lower (why invest a lot for a first meeting?)

When I say "we" I mean my entire household. At minimum any slave I currently have will be sitting somewhere else in the restaurant and he will be introduced to you; the spouse may be there too.

Why? I'm not single and I'm not looking for pure fun here, we only look to expand the household. If someone can't handle meeting the boys (or girls) then they sure as heck aren't material for our household.

By the way, it works the same why for the guys -- I meet anyone they might get involved with to and frankly I'm much harder to impress and I wil ask harder questions.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: First meeting - 1/29/2007 9:14:24 AM

GirlyDevil

Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyNyla

I used to invite them to a restaurant nearby. Somewhere public and comfortable. I like crowded restaurants around dinner time, that way it's hard to overhear our conversation. I like to chat and drink, sometimes eat, while getting to know them. If it progresses from there, then i invite them over to my place on a second *date* where it might be more intimate, to do things like an inspection, etc.

Yep, I usually do the same, except for me it's out to lunch or an early dinner so I can test his humiliation status by talking. That's only if he's into public humiliation. Otherwise we will talk about everything and anything. And yes if I like him enough, the 2nd meeting would consist of pushing his limits further.

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: First meeting - 2/3/2007 12:59:34 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

i am a ridgid bottom of all bottoms and all i know is - it feels much more comfortable if the top follows protocol ; ritual ,and then imposes demands, and special orders ,or .... you meet a wishy wahy and say too much out of line and ruin your first chance impression ,w/ a top who didnt act like your top;
like to hear your ideas soon too ....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tippy

How about a sampling of what different people do when first meeting a sub, where and what of the meeting?

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: First meeting - 2/4/2007 2:47:23 PM

LeatherRose

Posts: 62
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

I always meet them for dinner in a busy restaurant. This is of course after we have talked for a long time online to get to know each other. I always make certain that they understand it is to just meet, no play session will follow. It is to see if we will click.

During the dinner I ask questions about their experience, their mundane life, etc. I also go over things that we had already talked about online, just to gage and see if the answers are the same.

Oh and the big thing I do at each and every first meeting? I have my husband come along as my body guard. Sometimes he just sits with us, other times he will join in on the conversation. The sub is told ahead of time that he will be there, if they don't like it then they don't get to meet me. End of story.

This works well for me (hubby is a big guy) in that it can intimidate the sub, letting him know that I have my own network too. But it also works great for the humiliation factor.

_____________________________

"Every step, fucking adventure" Al Sweringen, HBO's Deadwood

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: First meeting - 2/5/2007 9:04:31 PM

porthuronsub

Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

In my previous vanilla life I found it always easier to have lunch with a new date. The reason is this, when you invite someone to dinner it has a deeper meaning to it than lunch. If things don't go well on a lunch date it is easier to make an excuse to get out of the situation...I have to get back to work ect...

I met my Mistress at a motel after emailing back and forth for quite some time. she informed me up front that there would be no play. Once I got there I realized that i had graduated high school with her (can you believe it???). If only I had known she was into this 23 years ago..... Anyway once we started talking I told her I remembered her from high school, which I was nervous to do as I didn't want to scare her away, and the rest of the night was awesome. We talked until 7am the next morning. The next "date" was even better as we played a little, talked alot more and got to know each other alot better. It has gotten better with every moment I get to spend with her. I am the luckiest man alive to have gotten the chance to come back into her life.

(in reply to LeatherRose)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 1:42:30 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tippy

How about a sampling of what different people do when first meeting a sub, where and what of the meeting?

Typically we first meet at a restaurant wherein he wears a present I bought especially for him.

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 1:48:17 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

It varies some for me, depending on what sort of feel I get from them in initial emails and IMs. One I'll meet in Very Public and plan for only a short talk to get a first impression in person with, another I'll meet in a casually public place and play with immediately after. And of course, plenty in between.

Generally, if I can't get a feel one way or the other from someone online I'll invite them to join the local groups here and meet them in a no-pressure, group setup like a munch or demo. If they're too far away, I'll arrange a public meeting someplace between our locations, if I have to travel much then I'll arrange it to coincide with some other reason for me to be in their area.

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 3:17:10 PM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

I always meet in a public place and usually a restaurant where we can sit and talk a long time.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 4:29:14 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

As soon as possible, at a restaurant, or the mall. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Tippy)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 7:19:57 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tippy

How about a sampling of what different people do when first meeting a sub, where and what of the meeting?

Typically we first meet at a restaurant wherein he wears a present I bought especially for him. :)

I almost always go to a restaurant, so that we can chat for a long time, and MistressDolly thank you for the idea!!
I plan to do this, I love it.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 7:26:14 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Let's sip green tea and share ideas, girly! ;)

(in reply to MzMia)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 7:27:22 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

If you walk away with sore ads, you know he's so worthy! :)

(in reply to MzMia)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: First meeting - 2/6/2007 9:36:52 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Okay, haven't read all the responses but for me, the neighborhood coffee shop is always the best option (yours or theirs). They are, well, ubiquitous and even if you don't drink coffee, there's usually a range of non-alchoholic beverage options and there's no chance your initial meeting will be 'clouded' by alcohol (it happens), meaning you both can make a clear decision on whether or not the person is right for you and it's something you want to pursue.

Besides, even if the meeting doesn't work out, a caffeine buzz can be fun.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Profile

Post #: 20