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slaafe -> responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 6:14:37 PM)

Couldn't think of a better title.

I've heard many times about being forced to go, as a male sub, to a place like Victoria's Secret and buying panties or bra. How do the employees handle such "perverted" requests? Has anyone actually had an experience where they got a smirk from the sales woman who could tell what was going on and was amused? Or were you met with indignation?

What about their response if you hand them an envelope with instructions that are given by a mistress?

I've always had the fantasy of being forced to do this, but have feared the true (not fantasy story version) response of one of the employees. After all, it doesn't seem like this is the type of thing they signed up for when they got the job.

Thanks for your insight as I've alway wondered about this, and so many of you seem to have a lot of experience.

Slaafe



thesacredboy -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 6:36:44 PM)

the only comments i ever got was at the gothic trendy Hot Topic. i bought panties and a garter belt and the clerk was like "a lil' risque dont you think." i just said meh. but i was thinkin of sayin like "what do you care, youre sellin it" but i thought i would let her tease me for the fun of it. lol. but the thing is is that that store is more risque compared to victorias secret or fredricks which never me a comment when i bought like 5 erotic panties. hehe. i think my modestly "tall and dark but not handsome to me" looks made them forget about why a guy is buying girls underwear. tehehe.



MsCameron -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 7:18:36 PM)

Sorry to burst your bubble but you obviously have no idea how many men shop in lingerie stores for women.

Birthdays, Christmas,.. and the big one..Valentines Day. Or even just because they like to buy lingerie for their woman.

Unless you yourself give some indication that the lingerie is for you, they wouldn't bat an eye or think twice about it.
Otherwise, you're there just like everyone else.

Now, if you were with me and I held up a pair of panties against you to see if they fit, then you'd have something to worry about.

MsC



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 8:15:35 PM)

I'm with MsC. Most humiliation is created by the person, other people are too busy with their own lives to care about you buying weird things. And even if they notice, they don't care.

That being said, it's tons of fun to play with.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 8:24:40 PM)

I hate to bust your bubble but I really don't think it'd be apropriate to walk in an hand a salse clerk a note from your mistress sinc einvolving an unwhitting person in your kink would be nonconsentual



onceburned -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 8:53:13 PM)

quote:

involving an unwhitting person in your kink would be nonconsentual


Which means it is unethical. I have heard that sometimes the domme will determine which clerk will be on duty and gain consent ahead of time. This entails quite a bit more work, but it -is- ethical.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 9:09:45 PM)

If that's the case then once, all the more praise for the mistress putting the extra work in to make it ehtical:)



slaafe -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 9:46:25 PM)

Thank you all for your response. I figured as much with a letter unless arrangements were made ahead of time.

Very good point regarding the fact that others wouldn't even notice my intentions unless attention is drawn to it. I agree with the ethical issue of handing a note, but what if the conversation included something like "I've been instructed too...". Do you think that's crossing the line?

Slaafe



chainedgirl -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 9:54:08 PM)

if a man was to walk into a store and hand a note written by someone else over to the sales person, i don't see the problem, if that note simply listed what size/colour/style the item was to be, or the item number and page from a catelogue. The humiliating part for the submissive would be in not knowing what was written. If the Mistress then wrote some really nice sentimental comment or a joke, there would be a desired response from the sales person, which would be read a different way by the man, but no harm or use of anybody against their will would have taken place.

There are ways around everything with a little creative thinking.



MistressInNYC -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/4/2005 10:41:12 PM)

Yes, a guy going to Victoria's or sort is not unusual like the other poster said for getting them as a gift of their GFs/Wives etc.

I'd sent one of my slaves for a "forced shopping" to CVS to buy;

Tampon / pads and panties & panty horse in "HIS SIZE".

I specifically ordered him to ask the clerk that he is looking for panties and panty horse in his size.

Or if I were sending him to Victoria's, then it would be the same thing;

Ask the clerk to help him by langeries and pads (for bra) in his size.


And I'd sent him to supermarket to buy;

Cucumber, banana, and any other vegies/fruits that reminds of "penis", chocolate syrup, whip cream, and a pack of CONDORMS.
Maybe, some people wouldn't notice what he had could relate to a sexual thing, but he surely knew.

The above is just an example of "forced shopping" that specifically designed for someone is manly not sissy/gay.
I cannot recall anything else at this moment, but my "forced shopping" is just like the above mostly...




malepleases4ever -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 1:38:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressInNYC

Yes, a guy going to Victoria's or sort is not unusual like the other poster said for getting them as a gift of their GFs/Wives etc.

I'd sent one of my slaves for a "forced shopping" to CVS to buy;

Tampon / pads and panties & panty horse in "HIS SIZE".

I specifically ordered him to ask the clerk that he is looking for panties and panty horse in his size.

Or if I were sending him to Victoria's, then it would be the same thing;

Ask the clerk to help him by langeries and pads (for bra) in his size.


And I'd sent him to supermarket to buy;

Cucumber, banana, and any other vegies/fruits that reminds of "penis", chocolate syrup, whip cream, and a pack of CONDORMS.
Maybe, some people wouldn't notice what he had could relate to a sexual thing, but he surely knew.

The above is just an example of "forced shopping" that specifically designed for someone is manly not sissy/gay.
I cannot recall anything else at this moment, but my "forced shopping" is just like the above mostly...


Having had a bad experience with a "dominant woman" when I was just a contractor working in her house, I think it is NEVER a good idea to involve others in your little games. If I was the clerk helping the above clown, I would be RIGHT FUCKING PISSED OFF.



sting516 -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 6:18:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

Sorry to burst your bubble but you obviously have no idea how many men shop in lingerie stores for women.

Birthdays, Christmas,.. and the big one..Valentines Day. Or even just because they like to buy lingerie for their woman.

Unless you yourself give some indication that the lingerie is for you, they wouldn't bat an eye or think twice about it.
Otherwise, you're there just like everyone else.

Now, if you were with me and I held up a pair of panties against you to see if they fit, then you'd have something to worry about.

MsC


Ms C....they wouldn't bat an eye...right up until one told the salesperson that the item being purchased would be 'about my size'...;though i do like what You say in that last paragraph...i went shopping one time with someone who had me trying on dresses in the Macy's womens changing room (with the salesperson's knowledge and ok)...though it was nerve wracking to wonder if i'd run in to some poor innocent shopper...or that the salesperson would change their mind...as it turned out...the salesperson was just glad to make a sale and was quite cool about it.

Not something i've done any other time...but it was a rush when i thought about it afterwards.


sting



MsCameron -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 6:21:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

if a man was to walk into a store and hand a note written by someone else over to the sales person, i don't see the problem, if that note simply listed what size/colour/style the item was to be, or the item number and page from a catelogue. The humiliating part for the submissive would be in not knowing what was written. If the Mistress then wrote some really nice sentimental comment or a joke, there would be a desired response from the sales person, which would be read a different way by the man, but no harm or use of anybody against their will would have taken place.

There are ways around everything with a little creative thinking.


Exactly :)

Jeez people, lighten up. There's all kinds of ways to make sure the salesperson isn't embarrassed.

I once went and bought lingerie in HIS size in a big department store. As it was September, I told the salesgirl I was going to dress him as a woman for Halloween and he didn't know.
She chuckled and called 2 others over to help us. They had more fun picking out what he was going to wear and even asked me if I would bring some pictures back.

If you tell someone you lost a bet and have to buy something, most will be more then happy to help you out and have a little laugh at your expense.

MsC



Jasmyn -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 7:08:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

If you tell someone you lost a bet and have to buy something, most will be more then happy to help you out and have a little laugh at your expense.

MsC



The bright pink nail polish on his toes were not hard to miss with the open-toed sandals I had made him wear. Catching the startled look of our waitress when she spotted this apparent oddity, I flippantly remarked how he'd lost a bet but not to be too alarmed because I had to wear his Y-Fronts! A chuckle was had by all, waitress went off happy, I had My fun and he was suitably humiliated.

Don't get the drama over non-consensuality either..it is not like the sub has being asked to masturbate behind the left aisle into a set of the shop's finest before asking the sales staff to spank him mercilessly for his indiscrection. It's buying lingerie! Only a thousand crossdressers have done it before him.

Taking a boy lingerie shopping on day it was obvious from My manner towards him that we were shopping for him. It was a large department store and two staff tried assisting us...it was apparent the younger of the two, the first to approach us was not equipped to deal with men shopping in the lingerie department but the older woman was excellent, fussed and doted on him, let him use the changing rooms, even stood with Me and admired his lingerie clad form, agreeing those colours looked great. It made his day.

Later we went to a smaller boutique store and got a similar reaction from the sole staff member on that day. Happy as to let him try on some garments when I enquired if that would be ok.

Eon's ago working in a large family department store in their lingerie and nightwear section we were well use to men coming into buy lingerie for themselves, quite often some would be fully crossdressed and no one would batter an eyelid.

Buying lingerie, the nail polish example I gave above, similar public humiliation exercises are relatetively harmless and are not going to scar the customer service staff or bystanders for life or make them question in depth any aspect of their own consensuality.

What defines the need for public consensuality? Is it only definable if the act lends itself to being offensive? Or inclusive? Or requires an active participation? Do we seek public consensuality to walk down a street? Enter a shop? Have drink in a bar? At any one time someone can be offended by something we say, do, wear or act, yet we don't seek active consent from everyone we meet, rather use basic society commonsense and appropiateness as a yard stick to measure acceptability.

There is a big difference between buying lingerie than say having your sub cum on demand while you noticibly spank her or his heiny while standing in line at a checkout store asking the checkout staff for a tissue because your sub's just cum all over their floor.

Perspective.

Jasmyn



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 8:09:14 AM)

Well said Jasmyn, this is a very hot issue and some people tend to get very paranoid. Some people think even being told to kneel in a public restaurant is horrific- I think it's calm and non-intrusive as long as they aren't blocking anyone's path.



Martyslavin -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 8:11:54 AM)

Well folks - my husband has been dressing as a female on and off for years, with my knowledge. When it started he was not very passable, now he is living as Misty 24/7. When we started I not only sent him into shop for womens items, I also had him go dressed as a femlae. I can assure you was not passable. Then he was 5' 11" and 190 lbs, now he is about 147 lbs.

He went shopping for shoes, bras, panties, wigs, even ladies clothing. I just made sure he wnet when stores were not real busy, and always bought something. If you buy they really don't mind to much, if you just look they get much more upset. The toughest time we had was having him shop for an evening gown. I had talked to the sales person by myself, in advance and had Misty go on a Tuesday morning when they opened. There was no problem then, everyone was willing to pitch in and help. You can see the results of that shopping experiecne here.

Check out Misty's current picture:

[image]local://upfiles/68342/B2F7088400B145F7980993ECB3434492.jpg[/image]



onceburned -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 10:13:50 AM)

quote:

Some people think even being told to kneel in a public restaurant is horrific- I think it's calm and non-intrusive as long as they aren't blocking anyone's path.


Hmmm.... I did that once. Yes, it is low key (didn't feel like it at the time though!) but perhaps it is good to consider how the other patrons will view the action. I dunno... seeing someone kneeling in a restaurant and being fed morsels of food is not part of most people's expectations. If it hadn't of happened in San Francisco we probably would have shocked some folks, perhaps even ruin their meal. But the same thing could be said for two men kissing - and certainly we don't consider that to be unacceptable public behavior.



malepleases4ever -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 6:03:11 PM)


quote:

but perhaps it is good to consider how the other patrons will view the action


Yes. The ever lovely MsC has great suggestions for making shopping trips unobtrusive, but kneeling in a restaurant is definitely crossing the line - unless it is empty or some other mitigating circumstance. Being a believer in public propriety, seeing this would make me very uncomfortable. In my mind it is inconsiderate.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 7:21:37 PM)

Like I said, everyone has their own lines :)
While it is not my wish to make others uncomfortable, I would not consider something as simple as kissing my girlfriend at the mall or kneeling next to a table (I never mentioned being fed, though that happens a lot even in nilla circumstances) out of the way would be a very calm unobtrusive thing.

One has to weigh the issue- at what point do you say "Get a life" and at what point do you say "I don't want to be rude"? The balance between being considerate and letting others control you is a tenuous one, and we each find ourselves at different places on the line.



Jasmyn -> RE: responses to humiliation shopping (3/5/2005 7:34:27 PM)

How does any of that differ from seeing a couple kissing, grand displays of intimacy or a loud, obnoxious person a few tables away interferring with our 'comfort levels', a group of women breast feeding, etc? The practice is not harming anyone else.

Yes, the fact someone, anyone can be offended by it is valid and those concerns should to a degree, be taken into account.

Whether it is because we can apply a BDSM/DS connotation to something does not always mean that is what it is. A Goth walking down the street in a studded collar may not necessarily apply the same symbolism behind wearing one as we would. Why is it acceptable to see Goth's in collars and not submissives?

A dominant Woman may or may not necessarily identify as an 'Owner' or 'Mistress' but still naturally behave like one, not knowing her actions are breaking some apparent BDSM 'no no'.

Would you be just offended if you saw a master/slave walking through a crowd and her being made to walk three steps behind to the left? Does a man carrying his partner's shopping mean he's a submissive or gentleman?

Ultimately if someone is being offended by something it is because they are applying their own definition to the act...when put into perspective, for Me I just can't live My life constrained like that.




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