It's my bday... instruction for sub?

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It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 5:09:38 PM

AreYouWorthy2

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/27/2007
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New mistress here. Trying to get used to telling him everything to do and he is balancing his sub desires fitting in with "regular" word. Many questions and great info here but a pressing one...

It's my bday next week and I would typically expect a regular guy would plan a night, etc for me. He said... instruction? So... do I tell him exactly what to do? what present to buy me? It's only been about 6 weeks but very intense and looking much like a bf/gf relationship...

advice?

Thanks!

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 5:29:04 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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If you don't want to have to tell him every thing he needs to do, perhaps you can give him some general ideas and have him plan it from there. It's really about how you want to do it. Personally, I like my boy to take some initiative within our relationship instead of having to rely on instructions for every little thing.

Hope you have a wonderful Birthday!

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to AreYouWorthy2)

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 5:45:51 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AreYouWorthy2

New mistress here. Trying to get used to telling him everything to do and he is balancing his sub desires fitting in with "regular" word. Many questions and great info here but a pressing one...

It's my bday next week and I would typically expect a regular guy would plan a night, etc for me. He said... instruction? So... do I tell him exactly what to do? what present to buy me? It's only been about 6 weeks but very intense and looking much like a bf/gf relationship...

advice?

Thanks!

Instruction: "You are to be my delight.. and surprise me. Show me how well you know your Mistress."

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to AreYouWorthy2)

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 5:56:35 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Are you expecting him to be reactive or proactive? If reactive, you need to write out, in detail, what you want to happen, then tell him to excatly how to set it up. If proactive, write down some things that would be nice and let him plan the evening with minimal instruction.

Being Dominant doesn't HAVE to mean you micromanage...but it can. What do YOU want?

Master Fire

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(in reply to AreYouWorthy2)

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 6:38:33 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Are you expecting him to be reactive or proactive? If reactive, you need to write out, in detail, what you want to happen, then tell him to excatly how to set it up. If proactive, write down some things that would be nice and let him plan the evening with minimal instruction.

Being Dominant doesn't HAVE to mean you micromanage...but it can. What do YOU want?

Master Fire

Exactly! I see this gentleman as manipulating her to do exactly as HE wants.. that's not the name of the game :) If she allows this, she will have a boring, unimaginative slave.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 7:12:20 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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No profile, but I will bite---now this is your boy right, not some goddamn online shit

So having domain,
you want what type of flowers? or dont it matter?

and on and on

If your birthday falls in the middle of the working week, then I can think easily that a rememberance should be made...
perhaps in the weekend, he might plan some quick and easy time in the afternoon with your friends (so that nobody is put out, say drinks and eat some cheese or whatever)
you are young prolly and would like to be pampered (when you are an old and honorary dominatrix like me, you will want them to specifically forget your birthday)

but if you been with the boy for some time---maybe you should let him just go at it
I would assume everyone wants success in the relationship, and if he knows your desire, he could do it on his own.....if he is the overboard type and you aint or vice versa, that is a communication matter....

you may set the boundaries, you own the domain, but it might be all that you should notice, you know?

I hope this makes sense,
Ron(ne)

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 7:21:57 PM

thetammyjo

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I personally don't want a sub or a slave for that matter that I have to tell exactly what to do -- I find that this actually places me in the submissive role because the other person doesn't have to take any action or any responsiblity and the person making every decision basely ends up serving the other person.

That's my strong opinion.

However as the dominant and the owner I do have the authority to make decisions so I do when I feel like it.

This is what I did for the upcoming Valentine's Day, maybe it will offer one example.

I decided which man was taking me out to dinner which night (Fox gets Valentine's Day itself and Tom and I will do either the day before or the day after depending on what my "girlfriend" wants to do that week).

Then I told my slave that he was responsible for choosing between two restaurants I named -- I choose two that we both like. This way I am exercising my authority but he also gets to "surprise" me by making a choice as well.

As for gifts, well, frankly if he doesn't know me well enough after seven years, he needs more help than my telling him what to provide would give him.

So I get the best of both worlds in this deal. I get to exercise authority when I wish, I expect him to learn about me and I get a good surprise, too.

And yes, I am giving my slave something for Valentine's Day too -- earrings to go with the piercing we got to mark our 7th anniversary as owner & slave.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/30/2007 7:28:18 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Angel and I are doing dinner for my birthday. I dont expect it to be any bigger an occasion than any other time we spend togeher, except that I want a cake.

Maybe I am just wierd, but birthdays at my age just arent as much of a thrill as they used to be.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 1/31/2007 8:05:02 AM

Celeste43

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Since you've only known him six weeks, it is unfair for him to be expected to know your tastes very well. Tell him what is your favorite cuisine and ask him to find a restaurant that serves that to take you to. You could ask him to burn you some cds if you tell him what is your preference in music. Give him some general ideas. Flowers or a potted plant? If you have a hobby he doesn't know about, mention it. Tell him you need six skeins of violet yarn for a sweater you want to start on, or you have finished off all your crossword puzzle books etc.

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RE: It's my bday... instruction for sub? - 2/1/2007 11:22:02 AM

AreYouWorthy2

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Joined: 1/27/2007
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Thank you all for your replies. I agree with all! He does need to surprise and he has done a good job with some instruction thus far but yes, it's only been 6 weeks. He asked how he can show his committment and I said it needed to be something to adorn myself everyday as a reminder = jewelry. So I said I will seek something that suits just me. I figured a few options would be good as well.

As I said, he too is struggling with his desires balanced with his newness so when I tell him to create a website or myspace in tribute to me and he scoffs saying it's too techie, involved, not fun and doesnt want private stuff out there I only said - did I ask your opinion. He wants to jump to me forcing him to wear a chastity device and do all the "kinky" things "already" so I'm walking the line of is he in this for the kink factor or the true desire - and won't display the full spectrum as a test to his patience and "in for the longrun-ness".

And by the way, I'm certainly not that young but every goddess deserves pampering at every occasion :)

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