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Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 11:16:10 AM

bearincuffs

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I'm stumbling over an issue and it's causing an internal conflict. Presently I'm sharing an apartment with a lesbiam couple and we have a very close friendship that we consider ourselves not friends but family and been friends for 8 yrs now. As with any household there are occasions where it gets stressful and it's a matter of working through it as adults. I had a rough day a few days ago and Master picked up on this and I done some venting to Him. He said to use this as experience for when I become part of His House 24/7. Master then ordered me to obey my roommates in the same manner I am to obey Him.
A couple days ago, the room mates and myself sat down and seriously discussed a few issues and through this I found out that room mates don't approve of my relationship with Master and clearly stated that this realtionship is a bad choice on my part and they believe I am putting myself in jeopardy.
I would appreciate advice on this as to resoving this conflict. If I am to treat room mates in the same manner as Master, yet the room mates wants contradict what Master wants! Tghis leaves me in a tough situation! Any advice or suggestion will be greatly appreciated.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 11:29:00 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Did your roommates and friends raise valid points? Do your roommates approve of the lifestyle at all? Does your Master know you roommates well enough to say that they can talk for him in his absence? Too many unknowns to really be able to give any kind of advice.

However, if you're having a problem with an order, go to the one who issued it if you are confused about it.

Master Fire

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 11:36:16 AM

sarbonn

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This situation comes up in the military a lot, although not in the exact context obviously. Having been given an order by a superior that you are serving, you were told to do as other entities (the roommates) required. Their order was to have you relinquish your master's control over you. In the end, the real leader in your dynamic should be the one who informed you to listen to your roommates. You should, if you're going just on the basis of what order to follow in such a conflict, return to your master, explain the order you received and then have the situation decided by him accordingly.

Now, on the other hand, if your roommates are friends with whom you share a bond that is strong enough to be considered worthy advice, then you pretty much have to respect yourself enough to think about what is being said, especially if the sole reason they indicated a concern was for your own safety and well being.

Being human and intelligent means having the ability to analyze information and come to adequate solutions. The trick is knowing when and how to do just that.

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...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 11:45:12 AM

Sunshine119

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bearincuffs
Master then ordered me to obey my roommates in the same manner I am to obey Him.
A couple days ago, the room mates and myself sat down and seriously discussed a few issues and through this I found out that room mates don't approve of my relationship with Master and clearly stated that this realtionship is a bad choice on my part and they believe I am putting myself in jeopardy.

Your Master said to obey your roomates as you do him.
Your roomates don't want you with this Master?
If you DO obey your roomates.....you'd dump the Master!

I'd like to put out a story that might help. My two grown children and I are quite close. It seems whenever one of us was dating someone that the other two disapproved of, it didn't work out. Not because of their disproval (in the beginning there wasn't communication about these things) but because those who are family know you best. Now we have agreed to discuss these things when dating. Two of the three of us are in relationships which seem to be ok with the other two.

What is it your other two roomates disapprove of? They might see something you don't see or don't want to see.

I'd listen to your roomates

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 11:46:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I think the wording of the order was very sloppy. To obey your roommates in the way that you obey your master could be completely inappropriate, annoying, time-wasting and very invasive from the perspective of the roommates.

If the order had been worded more specifically or with some caveats, you could have easily avoided any conflicts.

You need to go to the source of the order.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 11:53:37 AM

AquaticSub

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I can't add anything new, but would like to second all suggestions that you listen to what your roommates have to say. Consider if the reason they are saying this is because it is a d/s relationship, or if they seeing something you don't. The fact that your master issued such an order without any escapes is interesting to me.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 11:54:55 AM

agirl

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How well does your master know your room-mates?

If I was told to obey anybody other than him, he'd be horrendously picky about it.

I'm assuming your master isn't THAT informed if YOU are only just finding out that your room-mates *disapprove* in this way.

Does your master know that he's regarded this way and was his instruction made with that information?

If not, do you think he'd deliver the same instruction if he DID?

agirl

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 12:39:05 PM

juliaoceania

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Do your room mates know about this order? If I found out that someone had been ordered to obey me by another person I would NOT be happy about that. If your room mates do not know about this, it is nonconsensual in my mind.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 3:10:52 PM

thetammyjo

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You need to talk to your master.

If he's a decent guy, the kind I would consider worthy of being a master, he will understand and not ask you to make your roommates so uncomfortable by involving them in your scene.

However, I'm a bit concerned that this didn't pop into his mind before he ordered it. I think part of being a responsible owner is thinking things through including the involvement of vanillas.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 3:30:43 PM

LadyOunce

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I would look at what the roommates said, take it to heart and yet not let it destroy what you have built. Not yet.

Examine all sides of it. Unless they're ordering you to break up with your Master, then merely nod and tell them thank you for your concern. You will have to accept that if you go to Master with it, he'll likely wish you to no longer remain in that household.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 4:50:05 PM

goodpet

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Your roommates have known you for 8 years, you consider them to be family. They must see something in your Master that you don't. Talk to them again.. find out what it is that is raising red flags with them.. then at least you are better able to make decission knowing the reason for their concerns.

Good luck.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 6:11:50 PM

slavemaia

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Your situation brings up an achillis heal for me. Should a Dominant expect complete obedience to His/Her opinions and decisions if He/She is not able or willing to accept complete responsibility for the result of His/Her order being obeyed? It's quite a dichotomy in that Dominants want obedience and yet aren't always in a position to deal with the results of that obedience. You're the one who lives with these people, your Master doesn't, and you're the one who has to deal with the result of anything that occurs between you and your roommates. How can you be ordered to obey someone who hasn't agreed to accept your obedience? Sorry, i'm confused. It's called power exchange, not power transference. Your Master is ordering you to do something that involves others who are not interested in your dynamic or what your Master wants.

Too often clear agreements are not made thoroughly enough before entering into any type of D/s relationship. Later the lines become very blurry because the sub/slave wants to obey and the Dominant wants the same, but issues arise that were never discussed or perhaps even considered.

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RE: Conflict with an order - 1/31/2007 6:25:02 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear bearincuffs, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In the original posting, it fosters some additional questions to ask.
The first major question I have, is --What does your gut instincts tell you?

The second question would be, what inspires your Lesbian couple to be most concerned about this Master, the relationship and what does their mind's eyes see.

Have they met your future Master? Has your Master met them?

I would communicate more boldly with the roommates you have and known for 8 years. That is worth digging into their opinions, observations and the like.

As a Master, I wouldn't give a blank check order, to be obedient to the Lesbian Couple. I would ask to communicate with them and be on the same page per se. I would at least have some form of boundaries.

If you are not collared; I would advise you to be your own 'white knight' and or advocate. Follow your gut instincts. Listen to all sides and treat the facts and or concerns like a business, strip the personal aspects to it. I would ask myself in my mind's eyes; 1. Identify what it is; 2. Identify what it is not. And, 3. Focus on what isn't identified by one and two.

Good luck!

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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