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Stephann -> RE: orgasm control/denial/forced (2/18/2007 7:06:02 AM)
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This is a rehash of my statements on Lets Talk About Orgasms.
My experiences have been that orgasms are a product of the mind, the body is little more than a prop to permit it. The same can be said for a burst of adrenaline, too though; we can't just 'will' ourselves to get an adrenaline rush, there must be some sort of unconscious stimulus.
Something I've noticed (though not explored personally) is how male submissives often fantasize about their orgasms being controlled or eliminated all together, while female submissives tend to be focused on increasing their sexuality/sexual responses. The specific reasons are many and varied, but I think they boil down to social pressures for men, to be masculine, must demonstrate a high sex drive, and be seen as successful in acquiring several different women to mate with. Women, on the other hand, are taught purity; a means of using sex as a tool to acquire a long term mate ("why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free" comes to mind here.) Thus, the reverse activities (male chastity, female promiscuity) become taboo and exciting.
For submissives, a combination of 'permission' and 'expectation' of orgasm can often be a trigger for orgasm (thus one or the other, or both, can be key elements in orgasm control.) I've been involved with two women who were able to orgasm 'on command' without any physical stimulation of the clitoris or vagina, and one girl who required no physical stimulation at all. Knowing that the source of the orgasm is between our ears, not our legs, illustrates the means by which orgasm control, or 'orgasm on command' becomes possible.
The technique I used to teach orgasm control is relatively simple. It requires the woman to masturbate for me. While she does, I'm talking to her, whispering in her ear. As she becomes very close to orgasming, literally on the brink, I demand she come for me. At that moment, I grab her hand hands by the wrists, and pull them away from her body. She's been given the command to orgasm, is very close to it, and then restrained; the orgasm usually comes right away. The key, is that she is experiencing that first orgasm, without genital manipulation. Certainly, she was brought 'to' that point, but as most men will know, it usually requires a physical push to actually achieve orgasm i.e. physical contact. Doing this two or three times helps to enforce the assertion of authority, usually by a regular routine of words, statements, commands, etc. I usually rely on "Come now!"
The next step is to have the girl masturbate as before, but instead of manipulating her vagina, she manipulates her nipples. I'll also touch her in a few places, maybe slapping her clitoris or rubbing it a little, but only early on to help with the arousal. Talking to her is crucial at this point, so relating a fantasy or talking about something she finds exciting makes it easier. There's no real rush, but usually in five to ten minutes, it should be obvious that she's coming close to the brink. At that point I might grab her by the hair, and tell her to beg to come. When she does, I hold back a bit, making her beg more, telling her to squeeze her nipples harder. I also tell her (and this is important) to squeeze her Kegel muscles and picture me being inside of her in her mind as she does it. As this part of the fantasy grows in her head, that's when I demand she orgasm, again still squeezing her nipples to provide some sensation. This orgasm might be easier or harder to achieve, so your mileage may vary. Once it has, it shows the girl she has the ability to orgasm without her clitoris or vagina being involved Repeat two or three times as necessary over a few days.
The last step differs only slightly from the second; it's the same deal, except she's not permitted to touch anything. I might put the wrists into bondage, and tell her to 'try' to touch. A spreader bar would be a nice addition, but bondage plays a role here because it permits her muscles to strain (something that is usually necessary to achieve orgasm under any circumstances.) By this point, the triggers for the orgasm are firmly lodged between her ears, not her legs, and should be relatively easy to control. After this has happened a few times, the instruction to orgasm on command becomes rather simple to receive; she only requires the space and time to achieve it, usually in the span of a minute or two. I don't recommend using this in public places, and I do encourage the top to be aggressive in their demands for the 'type' of orgasm desired, i.e. if powerful orgasms are expected, they will need to be demanded, each and every time. Putting the submissive in a position where they cannot move, cannot cry out, can not really be seen to be orgasming (church, supermarket, mom and dad's house, school, etc) would be a quick way to turn this into a torture; but in making it torture, the enthusiasm the sub has for the activity may very well dwindle. Use with care, and enjoy.
Stephan
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