newflowers
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Joined: 5/23/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: oneTrueMaster4u
How long did you chat with a Prospective Dom/Domme before deciding to go to the next step? I find that many want to chat and do nothing else. This is a waste of my time since i am not into cyber.
When i was looking, it largely depended on the dominant to whom i was in communication- emails to ims to phone to a first meet. i rarely made it that far because of decisions by both of us. If i were uncertain, a waiting game was useful to separate the wheat from the chaff - those who wanted right now and especially those who wanted right now and cast aspersions when they did not get it, were out. Those who objected to my safe call arrangements were out. Those who insisted upon play and/or sex on the first meet - they were out as well. The waiting game was a good thing for me. There were times when i communicated with someone that i did meet right away, but that was ALWAYS because of him - how he communicated himself to me.
Perhaps if you look at this from the submissive's point of view. There are MANY men who call themselves dominant and master when, in actual fact, they are looking for a kinky lay with some added fun and games. These men are not going to take the time to get to know a submissive because they are interested in her - they want right now. When she does not deliver the good immediately, she is wasting their time or she is not a real true sub and yada, yada - but it is always her fault.
I will grant that there are are fair number of submissives who are not ready or do not want real time, or who are indeed playing and wasting your time, but for those who do want to move to r/t, there must be some reassurance that you are who you say you are, and you are interested in her, that her safety is as important to you as it is to her. If a submissive is a bottom and just looking to play, that may be a different issue and, as i have never been involved in playing only, i have no idea of the vetting process, but imagine that there has to be some time taken for awareness and assurance of personal safety.
A wise man once told me, and my Daddy agrees, that when a Dominant finds the submissive he needs, his focus is having her. Time, distance, these are not problems that he can't overcome - IF he feels in his gut that she is who and what he wants. Of course, i was also told to watch out of doms who blame the submissive as well.
Perhaps if you are sure the one with whom you are communicating is really one you want to know and not just another on the long list of ones you will settle for, the waiting may not be so onerous. Perhaps if you make certain your communication style is such that you are giving sufficient information to make her feel safe (most important) and that you are not the right now dom looking for a quick lay with some kinky fun on the side, perhaps your prospective submissives will be more ameanable to meeting. If, on the other hand, that is what you are looking for, be honest and say so up front.
newflowers
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How long to chat before being collared - 
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There is no time table. Nor did I go from chat to collar in one easy step. I chatted until I felt comfortable about a face to face meeting in a public place. Then we had several public meetings and gradually developed a feeling of mutual trust and connectedness. Even then for several of our first "sessions" I employed a safe caller system for safety sake. But I was not collared for some time after that. Not until Master determined that I indeed would be the slave He truly sought, and not until I was able to submit freely and willingly without reservations. It was a fairly lengthy process, but worth it.
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