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MadRabbit -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS (2/3/2007 11:06:48 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
People should stop labeling X as vanilla and Y as kinky- in terms of specific ACTS. People should say less of "I want a women to be a vanilla girlfriend and my slave" and think more about the PERSON as a whole, not roles to step in and out of (and I'm not talking against role play here).
Amen! I couldnt agree more.
If we can label and define, we can understand it, but unfortanely, personally, everytime I tried to categorize things, the more questions arose, and the more anomalies appeared in my own absolutes.
"Dominants should do this", "Submissives should do this", "Vanilla people are like this and BDSM is like that", "D/S is supposed to be like this." I shake my head when I hear a lot of these phrases that seem to prelude many sentences on the message boards.. Human nature, to me at least, is infinitely grey and the only absolute and solid thing I have been able to find in something like sexuality/BDSM is that there isnt anything solid or absolute.
Its like the whole moral/ethic/religion debackle. Everyone wants to grab a hold of their chosen book and wrap their arms around it, safe in the security that they know the absolute truth because their black and white guidelines are right and everyone elses are wrong. Some people cling so tightly that when shown the clearly grey filled holes of their own black and white morals, they refuse to listen and brand the person a heretic or some other nonsense.
Another good example is the whole dominant/submissive/slave/switch identity thing. Everyone wants to stamp a label and divide them into neat little groups with predictable behavior patterns. "Well you arent a true submissive because you dont do this" and "He wasnt a true master because he didnt do this." Sometimes I read threads and seems less and less like people are talking about human beings and more like herds of animals on a National Geographic documentary.
I happen to enjoy heavy metal music and Playstation 2 video games. Does this make me not a true master? I wonder how many people's D/S fantasies involve a master who plays Playstation 2. There is only one really big reason as to why I call myself a dominant and say "This is who I am": my own desires. And from these desires come my ideals and the way I attempt to live my life and relationships. If I didnt have these desires, I wont be a dominant. I would be something else. Maybe a submissive.
Unfortanely however, my dominant identity is only a small part of myself as a whole, just like BDSM is only part of my life. My enjoyment of heavy metal music and Playstation 2 has absolutely nothing to do with my dominance or my BDSM. Since I enjoy these things, does this make me not a dominant or a BDSMer?
Just like the whole "lifestyle" thing. Anyone want to give me a crystal clear undisputable definition of what "living the lifestyle" entails and how one goes about doing it? I'm still looking.. The only definition is the same as for all the other references. Its just another identity.
Personally, I havent met any BDSM people or vanilla people or true masters or true submisisves or true switches or lifestylers. Just simply human beings trying to fulfill desires.
And of course, this is merely my world view and is welcome to be disputed.
On a sidenote, I happen to still like the occasional icky sweet sex with some milk and toast.
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