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BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 4:13:33 AM

Passion357

Posts: 481
Joined: 8/7/2005
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WTF is Straight Sex? (gotta get this off my chest)

I am so f***ing SICK of this whole vanilla vs BDSM thing! It's bullshit!

quote:

We have a very strong D/s dynamic ... but there are times when it is wonderful just to roll over in bed and have warm, lovely, straight sex - nothing wrong with it!

What is "straight sex"???

"I live vanilla and BDSM”...whatever!...You either are or you are NOT - HELLO...

I am not a slave at home and a "regular woman" when I go to the supermarket to shop.It's sooo stupid...these people....there is no such thing as vanilla vs BDSM. If you are truly Master or Mistress and slave, then it lives within you, and you are that 24/7, sex or not. It’s not something you play like a freaking piano. It's not something you show to other people. It's something you see every time you look in the mirror. It's WITHIN you...not whatever image you choose to wear on your sleeve that particular day.

Straight sex...pfffffffffffffffffft!

No I am not generalizing. I am just speaking from the heart. I am sick of the games and bullshit.I was commenting of the topic BDSM, D/s, etc.Notice I did change it to Master or Mistress and slave?*M/s*

There is no general or standard. Period. No there is Life and Play. If you are a Master/Mistress and slave then you are. If nothing more than someone says something stupid/disrespectful, that wouldn't fly if they wore a collar, at a family gathering and yourMaster/Mistress looks at you and you just grin...and between the two of you you think of what would happen AT HOME if that were said

LOL…Master/Mistress and slave WITHIN…

Life and Play
Lifestyle is play...something you do.
Life is real...something you ARE

Not that I am downing "lifestylers" I was one.It was fun! LOL But I chose to walk a never ending path of Life.

Just a Rant From a Lifer….
~Passion~

I feel MUCH better now

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 4:19:14 AM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
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I think i'll just duck and cover and watch this one

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 4:29:29 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
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If you are done with the rant perhaps you can come back and clearly state what you are ranting about?

I was about to reply and realized after reading the entire post i did not have a clue what you are talking about.

_____________________________

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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 4:30:56 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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To me, vanilla is when people run their lives based on a balance sheet. I did this for you, so I deserve that from you. Vanilla is when two people can't seem to be in a relationship without vieing for power, and when that power struggle supercedes everything else.

Vanilla sex is what I call soap opera sex. (You know when on soap operas, when someone's going to go to bed with someone, all of a sudden there are candles everywhere, people are being all icky sweet and then everything else is in a fog? That's how I see vanilla sex - where everything is so milktoast that there is no clarity) It's all sweet and gentle, where no one would think of hurting someone else and having it be considered part of lovemaking.

And some people need all of that. Some people use those words when no other will suffice to describe what's going on at that particular moment in their lives and they use that word to differentiate between those moments and the moments when lovemaking becomes rough and raunchy sex with lots of pain and all that.

I am a woman...sometimes I am a mom...sometimes I am a slut in bed with my Master. But I am always a woman. It doesn't mean though that I don't differentiate between the times I'm a mom and the times I'm a slut in bed with my Master. I can be all those things and more. But if I want to be sure someone understands that I'm talking about being a mom and not a slut in bed with my Master, I'm going to use the words "I had to be a real mom yesterday..."

And when I'm in bed with my Master and we're having sex that has nothing to do with raunchiness and pain and all that, I say I'm having vanilla sex. It's not all that difficult to understand.

And it doesn't make me less the slave because of it.

Oh yea...and I don't have sex in grocery stores - although at times, I can find a LOT of uses for the produce.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 2/3/2007 4:31:52 AM >

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 5:57:48 AM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357

I feel MUCH better now

and I am happy for you!

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 5

Reducing people to flavors - 2/3/2007 6:00:59 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357
I am so SICK of this whole vanilla vs BDSM thing! It's bullshit!

Darling, I couldn't agree more.

< Message edited by amayos -- 2/3/2007 6:02:47 AM >

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 6

RE: Reducing people to flavors - 2/3/2007 6:19:36 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If you are complaining about people splitting things out into "Vanilla" and BDSM... hell yes, right with you there. My dynamic is there 24/7, there is no 'vanilla' it is simply how My girl and I relate to each other. she is mine when she is under My flogger... or hand in hand doing the shopping.

My 'rules' are My 'rules' she WILL NOT break them... if she does then it is dealt with, she is brought into line, knows what she did was out of order.... helps that I use discipline and not simply 'play punishments'

"Just life" for Me maybe something others only get to touch on during a scene where they act it out.... but it is not acting for Me and Mine, it is normality.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 7

RE: Reducing people to flavors - 2/3/2007 7:01:26 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
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Is this why I don't say that I split my life into vanilla and Ds or poly.

My life has mundane stuff in it, none of it is really vanilla not even with my husband whom I would not say I have a purposeful Ds relationship with. Everyone has to deal with the mundane stuff I don't see why that takes away any Ds dynamic.

I think the difference for some people is when BDSM is something they do -- which I think is the majority of people -- not something they are. In other words, they engage in activities or a power/authority dynamic from time to time but it isn't how they define themselves or their major relationships.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 8

RE: Reducing people to flavors - 2/3/2007 7:13:18 AM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
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Um I kinda thought sex went in and out in and out etc. Is there a new version just for bdsm folks?

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 7:37:33 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357
Not that I am downing "lifestylers" I was one.It was fun! LOL But I chose to walk a never ending path of Life.

Just a Rant From a Lifer….
~Passion~

I feel MUCH better now

That's weird, because it sounds like that is exactly what you are doing. I get kind of tired of this, 'I'm kinkier than you and more real than you' attitude. You know what makes me think highly of a person? When they have been able to identify and obtain the things that satisfy and fufill them. It really doesn't matter if it BDSM or vanilla. It is admirable to be aware enough to make those choices for yourself.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 7:56:12 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

What is so very black and white for you is made up of shades of gray for others. I've noticed that the older on gets, the more the black and white dissolves into gray.

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 9:44:10 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Your worldview and someone else's worldview will differ. I sometimes make a differentiation between vanilla/straight sex versus BDSM play.

I feel the anger radiating from your post, with flipping the bird at us . I just wonder why? I mean why do you care how other people live their lives?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 9:59:15 AM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Good question...

I can never figure out why people care so much about how others live in the lifestyle, or what they choose to call it. Everyone looks at the world in a different way. Why should we be concerned with how others are doing it? Is there even a right way of doing it? Maybe your vanilla is my BDSM...I think it all comes down to limits, personal preference and definition.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 10:02:11 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Laundry to me is laundry. It is not an act of service to him, it is a chore which must be done. He carries the overflowing basket down the steps to the basement since he can see over it and I can't. I wash and dry and sort. If once folded I can see where I'm going, I bring it back up otherwise I leave it for him to carry. Hell he even throws a load in a couple of times a week, but he forgets about the dryer so I do that.

Now maybe you fall to your knees in front of the washing machine overcome with the pleasure of washing his smelly socks, more power to you. I don't. I did laundry before I was with him, I do it now, and if ever I lose him the laundry will still be waiting to be done.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 10:06:19 AM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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So in your 22 years on this planet you have it all figured out! That's wonderful. Now you can coast through the rest of your life while the rest of us struggle. Grow the hell up and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Your dynamic works for you...wonderful. It prolly wouldn't work for me as I have kids to raise, a job, a building to maintain...all the vanilla stuff you abhor.

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 10:26:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well I do agree that people trying to split up bdsm and vanilla results in a lot more conflict and problems than there needs to be, I completely understand the process of labeling and having a sense of "belonging/not belonging" to a particular sub-culture through the use of labels.

People should stop labeling X as vanilla and Y as kinky- in terms of specific ACTS. People should say less of "I want a women to be a vanilla girlfriend and my slave" and think more about the PERSON as a whole, not roles to step in and out of (and I'm not talking against role play here).

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(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 10:33:42 AM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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I must know a lot of strange nilla people.
My friends don't think of things as a power struggle, it is more of a cooperation, where one party may have a larger say. <g> And, since I have seen at least one couple where I once worked, in action.. I don't think they are having boring sex either. I saw the way he looked at her with love in his eyes. Love and desire. And the way he ran his fingers through the back of her hair for the "see you later kiss" was very.. juicy.
Nilla really gets a bad rap.
And btw, they have been together for 24 yrs. I wonder how many non nillas can say that?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
Vanilla is when two people can't seem to be in a relationship without vieing for power, and when that power struggle supercedes everything else.
all of a sudden there are candles everywhere, people are being all icky sweet and then everything else is in a fog?

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to julietsierra)

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RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 10:44:55 AM

Donnalee

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
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quote:

I am so f***ing SICK of this whole vanilla vs BDSM thing! It's bullshit!

You can be sick of it, but it doesn't make it bullshit. People often use those terms to more easily describe something they're trying to communicate, without implying the entire social distintion that YOU apply to the words.

I get tired of all the PC snipes that go on here. So then I stop reading.

_____________________________

Just through all of your ups and downs ... know that I love you dearly.

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RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 10:50:08 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I think people just try to find words to communicate and because people all use different words to describe different things (aspects of their life) sometimes their descriptives just don't gel with you (even though perhaps if they used your terminology you might find that you don't actually disagree with them). Language and communication is an interesting thing, sometimes we can all be using the same language (english) but aren't really communicating with the person we are speaking with at all.

Don't worry about the little things, we are all essentially the same, each trying to make our way in the world in a pursuit towards happiness...

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - How the term is BS - 2/3/2007 10:50:25 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

It's all well and good people to be whole people, their 'vanilla' and their 'kink' rolled into one. Most people don't discuss the way they like sex with their bosses, co-workers, or priest. Thus, the distinction between a vanilla and BDSM lifestyle is more like the distinction between a person who is polite and respectful on the street corner, and aggressive as hell on the gridiron (football field.) The expectations on the football field aren't to 'apologize' when I slam into someone's chest full force, knocking him flat on his back and seeing stars. Doing so on the street corner, will likely land me in jail. I assure you, I am the same man, comfortably, in both situations - I am simply wise enough to know when I should, or shouldn't inflict that sort of pain and suffering. Fortunately, in both sports and BDSM, the person I am inflicting said pain on has consented to the rules.

Essentially, it's fine to 'be' a slave, dominant, top, masochist, etc when interacting with 'vanilla' people (people who have not identified themselves as being interested in, nor consented to, alternative lifestyle behavior.) It's not fine to throw that affiliation in their face, and demand they 'deal with it.' I certainly wouldn't go to a gay coffee shop, and make out with my girlfriend; that would likely be considered equally tasteless.

Stephan

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 20

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