End of discussion...Married Master: Bad Idea?

End of discussion...Married Master: Bad Idea? (Full Version)

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FragileRose -> End of discussion...Married Master: Bad Idea? (3/6/2005 5:01:03 PM)
I am pulling the text from this discussion. You can all debate it as much as you want. Since I posted this without my Master's knowledge, he did not consent to it, nor could he explain his position. It seems unfair in retrospect. Peace, everyone.

Mercnbeth -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/6/2005 5:27:25 PM)
quote: really want to maintain the D/s relationship with this man because it is the most satisfying friendship and love affair I have ever had. Rose, I really appreciate the feelings you are experiencing. If through contact with this man he has awakened in you desires for an actually D/s experience; if he has given you the drive and confidence to actually go out and meet people in this lifestyle and find out if reality is as wonderful as your fantasy, then he has given you more then you ever can expect from a cyber relationship. The fact that he is married only compounds the issue. Maintain contact with him as a friend, if he has any real time experience - use him as a mentor. Assuming you trust him, he can be a perfect 'safe-call' person to protect you when you attend social events or meet people. Trust your basic instincts. Your frustrations are warranted. Get out and experience, you've gone as far as you can with this person.

Leonidas -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/6/2005 6:39:41 PM)
Time is a finite resource, Rose. Its one of the few that cannot be replaced. This is important in your situation for a couple of reasons. First of all, the time that this man is spending with you has to come from somewhere. He is either borrowing it from his relationship with his wife, or from his career, or elsewhere. Something has to give. As real as your online and telephone relationship may seem, at the end of the day it's probably little more than an interactive fantasy in which the two of you are engaging. That you both you and he are investing so much time in it ought to be of concern to you. It should concern you that you are engaging with a man who is unhappy enough with his present circumstances that he devotes so much time to what is in effect escapism. It should also concern you about yourself that you are doing likewise. Rose I know women who have more or less wasted a decade or more of their lives living out an online fantasy instead of making their lives what they ought to be, or could have been. Don't be one of them. If you want a D/s relationship with a man, engage with a man, either online or off, who wants that too and has put himself in a position to act on his desires. Don't burn time on a man who cannot, or will not. It can be thrilling to discover that others share and understand your fantasies and desires. Don't make the mistake of dwelling there, though. Move on to the next step and make it real if it's what you really want.

MzBerlin -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/6/2005 6:59:21 PM)
Rose- Are you spending real time with him, or is this an online and on the phone affair? What are YOUR long-term goals in regards to a relationship? Berlin

proudsub -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/6/2005 9:40:56 PM)
Hi Rose, You are in a very similar situation to what i was in a few years ago. I know exactly what you are feeling. I had an online dom for 2 years and we were both married and hid it from our spouses. The fantasies were very real and i learned a lot from him. Our feelings were very strong for each other and it scared us. He released me so that i could experience it in real life. Shortly after that Hubby found out and i explained it all to Him and He is now my Dom. I agree with the others that you need to get out in the real world and experience this in real life. Feel free to email me on the other side if you want.[:)]

GingerleeDREAD -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/7/2005 3:59:08 AM)
quote: Don't burn time on a man who cannot, or will not Good words here and this does not just cover Dominant Masters but any person whom professes any need from a person with out actual real life and real time commitment due to prior obligation such as marriage, children, work obligation, religious affiliation to name a few excuses to use online with out giving realife in return. you have already stated that you are feeling real time needs from Him that cannot mature as well as having feelings of hurt in coming to this realization. If you are not a masochist its time to move on before worst happens to either you or the Master. JMPO It does not matter if vanilla or lifestyle, deceit and honor remain the same and inside the lifestyle are looked at on a even higher level and note.

stormiKnightBEAR -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/7/2005 8:03:51 AM)
Rose, girl stormi's only advise is run. find someone to make a life with that atleast tries to be honest and open. the thought of someone being treated as a dirty secret is a sore point for this girl. stormi wishes that on NO ONE. And yes, stormi knows this path. stormi property of Master Bear

wetrope -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/7/2005 9:07:21 AM)
U should definately pursue something in real time, whether a dom/sub or vanilla relationship, because what u have will not have the same type of future potential, and will not fulfill your current needs. Too many substitute on-line freinds, whether or not involved in bdsm, to the real thing of meeting new people.

Alexander -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/7/2005 10:37:01 AM)
Its either subjective or it's not. you are either involved in a purely virtual submission or you are not. If he can't meet you because he cant tell his wife, his wife owns him. Could you be slave to a slave? I don't mean to sound harsh but, this controlling your own life before you control anothers thing is pretty central to my beliefs. You use the term "unable to make a commitment" when referring to him. Doesn't the very concept, unable to commit, go against everything a dominant does? Would you be as lax if he was unable to commit to not permanently scarring you with a whip? Accept that you are in waiting until he can gain self control. Accept that you are willing to subjegate yourself to a man who isnt in control of a major part of his life. If you can live with that. Then live with it. Alex.

mistoferin -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/7/2005 10:41:40 AM)
quote: If he can't meet you because he cant tell his wife, his wife owns him. Could you be slave to a slave? Oh I just LOVE this!!!

FragileRose -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/7/2005 5:05:30 PM)
I am pulling the text from this discussion. You can all debate it as much as you want. Since I posted this without my Master's knowledge, he did not consent to it, nor could he explain his position. It seems unfair in retrospect.

velvetvixen -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/7/2005 6:19:44 PM)
Rose- This is personal experience speaking-- RUN and DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!

stormiKnightBEAR -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/8/2005 6:56:42 AM)
BRAVO!!! Well said velvetvixen!!! stormi property of Master Bear

proudsub -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/8/2005 10:25:26 PM)
Rose--i tried to reply your email but your profile is gone.[:o]

SirKenin -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? (3/8/2005 10:34:03 PM)
I can't help but be curious. If He's living a lie in His marriage, what makes you think He's not living a lie to you too? Frankly I wouldn't believe a damn thing that came out of His trap.

FragileRose -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? To SirKenin, Proud Sub, and Others Who Wrote (3/9/2005 8:43:08 AM)
I am pulling the text from this discussion. You can all debate it as much as you want. Since I posted this without my Master's knowledge, he did not consent to it, nor could he explain his position. It seems unfair in retrospect.

perverseangelic -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? To SirKenin, Proud Sub, and Others Who Wrote (3/9/2005 9:21:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FragileRose She also will not deliver on her wifely duties to have sex. I appologize as this isn't on topic, but I need to say it. It is no more her "duty" to have sex with him than it is her "duty" to have sex with anyone. Married or not, sex isn't an obligation. It's a consensual activity. If she isn't interested in sex she might want to get to her general practitioner. If their marriage has degraded to the point that she doesn't want sex with HIM they should see a marriage conselor. Married people have just as much right to refuse sexual conduct as unmarried people. While it might be incredibly frustrating to their husbands/wives, it isn't an obligation nor a requirement.

Leonidas -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? To SirKenin, Proud Sub, and Others Who Wrote (3/9/2005 9:41:48 AM)
In a sense you're right perverse. If a man were to force himself on his wife non-consentually, it'd still be rape. However, it is still a "duty" of marriage in the sense that in some states where "no fault" isn't the rule, it's still grounds for divorce. In other words, it's considered a violation of the marriage contract. So, while consent is still required, there is a very real sense in which it is an "obligation" for married folk, depending on where you live.

FragileRose -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? To SirKenin, Proud Sub, and Others Who Wrote (3/9/2005 10:05:43 AM)
I am pulling the text from this discussion. You can all debate it as much as you want. Since I posted this without my Master's knowledge, he did not consent to it, nor could he explain his position. It seems unfair in retrospect.

perverseangelic -> RE: The Married Master - Bad Idea? To SirKenin, Proud Sub, and Others Who Wrote (3/9/2005 11:48:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leonidas In a sense you're right perverse. If a man were to force himself on his wife non-consentually, it'd still be rape. However, it is still a "duty" of marriage in the sense that in some states where "no fault" isn't the rule, it's still grounds for divorce. In other words, it's considered a violation of the marriage contract. So, while consent is still required, there is a very real sense in which it is an "obligation" for married folk, depending on where you live. I know what you're saying and I agree, legally. To me, too, it's a valid reason to get divorced. I was speaking, mostly, ideologically. I think a relationship in which one partner views sex as a duty has some problems that need to be worked out.

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