Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Is it a sign I'm bad?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/5/2007 4:46:42 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Telling him you want to marry him when all you've done is chat for a couple of weeks, and never laid eyes on each other is enough to scare anyone. You've overinvested in the relationship. No wonder you've scared him off.

Slow down. And if you think you're developing feelings for an online only acquaintance, let that be your cue to set a date to meet as soon as possible. For all you know, he could be the bully who made your high school years hell, or your old math teacher!

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/7/2007 3:32:00 PM   
sfhumiliate


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		I want to be married in a long term relationship.  I have a long list of wants. :)

I try not to talk about all the wants because I know some are unrealistic and some will take lots of hard work to accomplish.  It is simply to early to talk about most of them.

But sometimes I can get to feeling desperate and I may communicate some of those wants before I normally would.  Once I let the horse out of the barn (so to speak), I may realize that normally I wouldn't have talked about that desire yet, and I might try to recall my disclosure of that desire. 

I'm sure there are others who go through those feelings.  I imagine the guy the original poster was talking about was going through something similar. 

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/8/2007 4:58:23 AM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline 		You and he talked for three weeks, and all the sudden he's in a long distance relationship, where he'll have to give up everything, friends, family, his autonomy to relocate to be with you, be your submissive/slave and, oh yeah and get married too.

Do yourselves a favor, meet in person, and spend a weekend together before you make any long term plans. There just may not be any chemistry between you two.

(in reply to sfhumiliate)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/8/2007 6:57:30 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		Pardon my forthrightness here, but maybe he just got what he wanted from you and headed for the door, presumably sex.  Backing off from a relationship happens sometimes and prematurely speaking as if one had a crystal ball isnt wise, either.  Sex before you know where the other person is really coming from can slap you in the face. 

Just knowing you are worth it and treat yourself well will attract the type of submissive who gravitates toward the same values and goals you have set for yourself.  Work on your self-esteem.

Best Wishes
LBO

(in reply to subrob1967)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/8/2007 10:01:06 AM   
Sternhand4


Posts: 422
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Even in the vanilla world, bringing up marrige in the first 3 weeks would make most men run. 

I keep getting the mental image of marisa tomei in my cousin vinny " my biological clock is ticking.. "
Set realistic goals first.. like actually meeting..

Good luck

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/8/2007 10:18:13 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sternhand4

Even in the vanilla world, bringing up marrige in the first 3 weeks would make most men run.  



not only men!!! I'd run lol

(in reply to Sternhand4)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/8/2007 10:21:20 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sternhand4

Even in the vanilla world, bringing up marrige in the first 3 weeks would make most men run.



not only men!!! I'd run lol


Heck, if someone said he loved me after only three weeks I won't believe him -- luckily Fox waited four weeks.

LOL

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/8/2007 9:08:03 PM   
Sternhand4


Posts: 422
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I did forget a few exceptions to this rule.. It perfectly acceptable to bring up marrige if you have any of the following quality's
1) you have a large trust fund and need direction
2) you have escaped from a circus contortionist act
3) you have a predrawn prenup

I'm sure there are more but these stick out for me


(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/9/2007 7:14:14 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Its tough to gauge reality without F2F meetings.

(in reply to seekshertrue1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/14/2007 10:12:44 AM   
Seatonstomb


Posts: 71
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		Your advert say you are seeking a 24/7 relationship. If this was the prospect it could be the implications of that on things like longterm finances, career or assets.

_____________________________

Your humble servant

nick
http://shirerealms.wordpress.com/

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/23/2007 2:40:00 PM   
seekshertrue1


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

If he burns you once, shame on him, if he burns you twice, shame on you.  Okay, maybe even twice is okay if there are extenuating circumstances.  But three strikes means OUT!


He's burned me again and I won't tolerate a third time. Extenuating circumstances have nothing to do with it. He's this strong,  independent, free spirit who says he wants and needs the control of a dominant. His actions are speaking louder than his words.

Since my last post it has been nothing but a struggle. A mysterious person that says (s)he knows both he and I is sending emails to both of us. He won't listen. He's trying to tell me what to do. He says he's only looking out for my best interest. I got an email from him this afternoon that says that I need to go home and get some rest. This is all for my benefit. To me, its topping from the bottom.

I'm now at the point of saying BE GONE!

I was told by a friend that a relationship shouldn't be a constant struggle or battle to maintain. It shouldn't wear you out to talk daily or interact daily with one another. When it becomes a struggle like that its time to end the relationship.  

In all actuality I feel like he's played me for a fool and truth be known I probably let him. So this is shame on me. I know that we jumped way to far way to fast and this is just as much my fault as it is his

_____________________________

Ms. K
Love is given, never an obligation

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/23/2007 7:15:49 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Oh dear.  Many of us are wincing because we have been there too!

I flew all the way from Australia to LA (at my own expense) to meet The Love of My Life

He was hideous.  sexy, erotic, exciting email - boring and creepy in real life.

BUT I wanted the guy to be something he was not.  I projected all my fantasies onto another hapless internet addict and thought exchanging (steamy!) banter, a web cam and one or two phone calls was a "relationship".  IT IS NOT....not even close.  Sorry to be the one to break it to you. 

That was 10 years ago now. 

Only use the net to gather information and meet people in real life.  You are lonely.  Net addiction will make it worse, not better.

I see nothing wrong with telling a prospective partner your goals in life.  Wanting to have a family of your own is nothing to be ashamed of.  If it scares a guy away, he was the wrong guy.  BUT telling someone you want to marry them - after 3 weeks when you have never met - is not healthy behaviour. 

Sorry - I don't mean to be cruel: I see so much of myself in you.  Get out into your local BDSM scene and meet genuine and nice men.  You will never look back. And one day you will laugh about this.

(in reply to seekshertrue1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/23/2007 7:30:12 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Suggestion: find another single kinky woman in your area and go to the next local munch or play party together.  The men will fall over themselves to chat you up - I promise.  And that way you can pick out the cute ones :)

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? - 2/23/2007 10:33:31 PM   
LadyZee


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Suggestion: find another single kinky woman in your area and go to the next local munch or play party together.  The men will fall over themselves to chat you up - I promise.  And that way you can pick out the cute ones :)


I love this advice - especially when one is new to D/s (and forever after) it helps to have like-minded friends who can offer advice and support and companionship as you explore.  I have a fellow Domina who has been in the scene for a long time and it can be so much fun to visit events and scope out interesting people with a "wing Woman". 

Some of the best advice I've received (which repeats a lot of advice already given) is to 1) use the internet for research but move to F2F as soon as *you* feel comfortable to minimize the possibility of expectations building unrealistically 2) listen to what potential subs say...they will tell you what you need to know if you only listen (to what they say and not to what you want them to say)  3) remember that you are not selling yourself--you are offering the opportunity to befriend you and 4) learn to say "Next" when it is clear that a potential (or existing relationship) does not meet your needs.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 34
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Is it a sign I'm bad? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078