RE: Emotions causing confusion

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Emotions causing confusion

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Emotions causing confusion

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/6/2007 10:39:11 AM

LadyMarmalade1

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline

Thank you LeatherBentOne,

I think this is just what I need to do. Coca needs to know what role to play in these moments and I need to learn to remember he needs this.

I'm glad we arent the only ones who have experienced this and it nice to see that others have figured out solutions.

Lady M

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/6/2007 10:41:26 AM

LadyMarmalade1

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline

Dear Sylverdawn,

Thanks, that's a great idea, laying across the dorrway, something I'd never thought about but has so much meaning.

Lady M

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/6/2007 10:58:29 PM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Ladymarmalade1

Thankyou for posting this topic, I am in the same kind of situation(long distance) and have just been havin a massive funk as we call it. I find it hard sometimes to show my boy when i am struggling as i dont want him to see me as less dominant or weak

but at the same time i need his support.
I didnt handle my funk very well

and left us both feeling very unsettled and it caused two problems.
The first being i realised i had pushed him right away and couldnt work out how to pull it all back.
The second he felt i wouldnt want to be worrying about daily intructions i had given him regards contacting me daily about the chastity device he is in, an arrangement i had previously enforced.

Reading your post and all the fantastic replies enabled me to take back charge

Lat night i made him carry out some tasks for me and as punishment for not keeping up with the cb ( at present as its so new and still far too uncomfortable to wear 24/7 he only wears it in the day but has to check in and out with me aboutputtin it on and off, and wear his gates at all other times) I have made him keepit on for a 48 hour period. He has also been made to sleep on the floor.
I also explained to him that whilst i may be flapping about in my funk the one thing that keeps a bit of me happy and ok is knowing he is submitting to me still, and so that if i am ever in that situation again he should carry on as normal unless instructed otherwise.
I also told him that if he really feels at a loss when i am like that and not sure what to do then he should pick out a ritual that he can do each night that shows his submission and he can journal about, he thinks if i am suffering he should suffer in some way and if i am unable to activlely instruct that he should have something in place to do that he can then show me when the funks all over.

We both feel so much better now, and i am pleased to say the funk is over thank god it lasted the best part of 4 weeks. And i feel like the balance in our relationship is now restored and any future funks are taken care of.

I just wanted to tell you how much your post helped me , i was feeling very

this week about how to sort it out.

I hope your well and that things are getting back on track
Take care
Kay

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to LadyMarmalade1)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/8/2007 2:19:09 AM

LadyMarmalade1

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline

Dear canupleaseme,

I'm glad this thread helped you, I feel much more confident that the next time I have a melt down I will be able to handle myself and my slave as well.

Collarme has so many wonderful people full of great advice. Thank you everyone.

Lady M

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/11/2007 9:48:38 AM

elderrook

Posts: 93
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feralcat

I have met a new sub that truly seems to suit me,and we recently spend a very vanilla (ok,there was some kink,but isn't there always some kink? lol)weekend with my son for the first time. Afterwards we spoke about how warm and "normal" it felt. He expressed that although he really enjoys how "real" I am ,he is afraid he will allow himself to fall into "vanilla boyfriend" mode. I explained that I will not allow that to happen and plan on putting more protocols into our regular life so there is always some D/s structure in place...a gentle reminder that he is NOT my boyfriend ,but my submissive. And although .we may "role play" vanilla couiple for others, that is not who we are to each other.

Very nice. I also worry about the roles where my Ma'am and I will eventually fall into. I can really see the value of rituals in keeping a stable and clear line for the slave. Myself, I enjoy seeing the human side of Her. I like knowing She is human, and don't expect her to be perfect and always in control. I do expect her to alway keep me in control. I need structure as a slave in order to keep my head in the right place.

This may simply be because I am somewhat new at this, and I find very little of it comes naturally. In fact, this weekend I dissapointed myself. Our newest project (simple, you would think) is that I not sit until I am told when it is mealtime. I've spent my entire life wating for the woman to sit first, as befitting good manners. Now, this is no longer satisfactory. New rules supercede old habits.

I'm reminded of a line from The Empire Strikes Back when Yoda told Luke Skywalker "You must unlearn what you have learned". I got a firm reminder by the end of the weekend about this particular habit, but I think I may have gotten it through my thick head.

(in reply to feralcat)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/11/2007 10:47:18 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I have always had emotional difficulties due to pre-menstrual tension. It is getting easier.
As a Dominant I try to tell a submissive what to do . How to behave.
When a submissive knows what his or her Dominant needs the confusion goes away.
I believe even when I am in crisis it is still my job to provide a submissive with the control that he or she needs.
Being apart might stretch a D/s relationship more but as a Dominant it stretches me more.
I have to find ways of disciplining any infraction that do not rely on the physical.
Of course the fear is that the distance will break the bond.
However fear is a Dominant's achilles heel I think.
Or maybe it's just mine.
Too much love is another.
Am I the only one who thinks this?

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/11/2007 12:23:57 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

D/s relationships are just that, relationships!
When you enter into a serious or longterm D/s relationship, the outside world does not go away!
I think that is even harder to find real compatibility in a long term D/s relationship.
Real life has a way of interfering.
I wish you good luck.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyMarmalade1)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/12/2007 1:05:38 PM

GuidingLite

Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

That he can do each night that shows his submission and he can journal about, he thinks if i am suffering he should suffer in some way and if i am unable to activlely instruct that he should have something in place to do that he can then show me when the funks all over.

......<nods heads> .....

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Emotions causing confusion - 2/14/2007 5:21:43 AM

theGuideGoddess

Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jamesthehumanrug

dear goddess, i hate to mention this, but, it is, not unlike seeing your mom upset ,when you are a todler ;you get upset!; hopefully ,and, this is according to training and type ;this sub ,or slave is ,not the type to "go off the deep-end" ,or you have given " special-orders ", just in case the ocassion comes up ....

I really like this analogy! It makes perfect sense. I think that as people we are very much the same as infants, as toddlers, as teens and then as adults: we just become more sophisticated. Your analogy helps me find a great perspective for future dealings.

Dealing with my emotions and keeping them 'in check' has been something that I have also been mulling over. I have been working with a potential slave (and boy is that a long learning story) who was really struggling with my just being me and allowing my feelings to show. Being dominant and in control can be challenging and lots of work at times to assure that life rolls out smoothly and as we wish for it to.

Some have mentioned that structure is important to submissives. I think that structure is a personality thing that is not limited to the submissive personality exclusively…..jmho.

The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)

Profile

Post #: 29