Opinions please...How would you...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Opinions please...How would you...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Opinions please...How would you...

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Opinions please...How would you... - 3/7/2005 9:41:49 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline

Opinions please, how would you respond to the following? Please bear with this girl, this is a post from another area it's under the title of "Strong submissives" Being a strong personality and person stormi simply wanted to post here for opinions in the off chance some of you have opinions that might be shared.

thank You.

stormi

In reading this post, stormi must admit she sees more of herself than she truly wants and that leaves stormi feeling a mixture of failure
and sadness. That said somethings have come to mind that stormi would like to throw out for responses as well if you will allow. These
questions are the results of some of the responses posted so far.

Responses from both Masters/Dominates and submissives/slaves.

----If you are "testing" your Dominant to see if the strength is there to deal with a strong personality, are you with the right Dominant?

----If the answer is yes then why do you feel the need to "test"?

----How does one decide that the Dominant has "passed the test" and then manage to quit "testing" over and over?

----If you are active in the lifestyle do you not act like yourself all the time or are you only in "sub/slave" mode
when the Dominant is around? Note: the exception to this question for stormi would be work or vanilla settings.
That said even in vanilla settings it is still stormi's job to serve Master, order His meals and verify they are correct.

----What is the "attraction" to a Dominant to be tested daily? What makes a sub or slave worth the fight?

----When is it time to give up on a sub or slave that "test" you?

If you believe any or all of these are out of line, then please believe that was not the intent.
stormi is curious. stormi understands the personality, she has that hard as nails don't take the bull
if you can't hold the horns attitude. But stormi has found that she always has to have a "plan"
for the "if" Master decided He no longer wanted her. stormi has a need to retain some control in her life
because the fear of letting all control go and then being alone again and not knowing how to pick
up the pieces of herself and put them back together is overwhelming. As long as there is some sort
of place she can hold on to then she has a "starting" point.

So as you can tell.... stormi's weaknesses are fears of abandonment, being alone, never being slave
enough, never being a good reflection, and those are at the same time the very feelings that cause
disruption in stormi's life.

Please feel free to respond on or off board.

Off board you can reach stormi thru email - [email protected]

thanks
stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Opinions please...How would you... - 3/7/2005 10:31:34 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I believe it is human nature to "test the waters" of any given situation. And in my opinion it's ok to test each other to a point. When you test your Dominant you are finding the "walls" of the relationship. It's a trust issue, we test our potential partners or current partners as a way to convince ourselves that they can be trusted, that we can believe their word. Just as a child will test the parent to find their boundries. At what point do you stop testing? I don't know that you ever do. Day to day life brings lessons and new experiences and with that comes new boundries.

But having said that, I believe that once your partner has proven themselves in a particular situation, you should stop testing. If you find that you are unable to stop testing perhaps it's because for what ever reason you are not able to fully trust the other person, it may be a communication issue as well.

Having been on the other end of the testing, I've reached a point where I looked at the submissive and asked "At what point will I prove myself to you?" I am very consistant in my actions and reactions where my submissive is concerned so if they feel the need to continue testing me I feel like we are lacking something in the communication aspect of our relationship.

Hope I didn't babble to badly here.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to stormiKnightBEAR)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Opinions please...How would you... - 3/7/2005 12:56:57 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

But somthing i dont like is when for example i talked to this Dominant, and he asked me some questions then said afterwards, no they are not real, they was just to test you. He had no buisnis doing that when we first talked online. If he want to know how i feel aboute somthing he can damnd well ask me.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Opinions please...How would you... - 3/7/2005 4:01:33 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

In my personal opinion -

If I own someone, they had better not be (seriously) 'testing me' in any sincere way on a regular basis - they will fail that test.

I have never understood how someone might allegedly desire to serve, and seek to scuttle and undermine the relationship through behavior that is both passive agressive in nature, and, contrary to what (I believe) a 'power exchange dynamic' and 'serving another' is all about.

I always relate to a conversation a submissive of mine had with a peer group, who when asking the assemblage how she might garner more attention from me during periods of heightened demand at work -was told that she should do everything from sabotaging the laundry to destroying my paperwork.

Needless to say, she was more than a bit horrified when she realized that the people "offering help" were not joking and promptly told me about it afterwards.

That is neither 'strong' not 'testing' - that is simply relational suicide.

It is sincerely beyond me.

~J

(in reply to stormiKnightBEAR)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Opinions please...How would you... - 3/7/2005 6:28:44 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i think some pepole have this problem in vanilla relationships to.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Opinions please...How would you... - 3/7/2005 7:35:41 PM

FragileRose

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

Hi, Stormi -

I was interested to read your comments about fearing abandonment and being alone. I understand those feelings perfectly, having experienced them my entire life. I don't know your Master, but doesn't it make sense to face up to that issue with him, rather than to test him constantly? So many times, when we fear abandonment and being alone we drive people away because we tire them out. If your Master is a loving man who cares for you, then it seems rationale that your/his own BDSM practices could provide powerful tools for dealing with this issue. And, if they are too deep and troubling, they should be addressed by a therapist. I have found an open minded therapist that has read about BDSM, and I know that there are others out there involved in the lifestyle. In fact, I just remembered seeing an article written by Sensuous Sadie about this very issue. If I can find it, I will post the link. Actually, I just wrote SS and asked her to send me the information. It is so rare to find a relationship that works - if you have a good one with your Master it seems so worthwhile to seek ways that he can provide you with the assurance that you need to thrive.

Best wishes,
Fragile Rose

(in reply to stormiKnightBEAR)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Opinions please...Kink Friendly Shrinks - 3/8/2005 6:22:51 AM

FragileRose

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

Here is the article on Kink Friendly Shrinks by Sensuous Sadie. It is a good piece.

http://sensuoussadie.com/sadiescolumns/misc/kinkfriendlyshrink.htm

(in reply to FragileRose)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Opinions please...Kink Friendly Shrinks - 3/8/2005 6:49:51 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline

FragileRose,

Thank you for your reply and the link.

You're right about alot of what you said however, Master and stormi were not the subject.
Master is helping stormi deal with those feelings and has. We are nearing our 2nd anniversary.
The questions of testing actually came from statements in the general column about strong submissives.

Make no mistake.... this girl's loving Master will call her down in a heartbeat if He feels
He's being tested and does. Sometimes tho, it's a matter of the fears over-ridding what
stormi really wants.

Please be assured that stormi is working very hard at not having those fears, of not keeping
that little piece back and tucked safely in the corner for the "what if" times. Master helps by
reminding stormi that they have a 40 yr contract. Although He recently said that it's 40 yrs and a
day. (**40 yrs from today, 40 yrs from tomorrow, and 40 yrs from the day after tomorrow ect...)

stormi is the lucky one, she knows that the planets, buddah, God, or whoever.. the powers might be
were shining down on her and looking out for her when Master called her His.

Thanks again,
stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

(in reply to FragileRose)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Opinions please...Kink Friendly Shrinks - 3/8/2005 6:50:45 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline

Greetings All,

Thanks for all that have already replied!! It's interesting to see your
thoughts as well.

Thank you for sharing!

stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

(in reply to stormiKnightBEAR)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Opinions please...How would you... - 3/8/2005 7:33:16 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I wanted to go play my Sims, rather than respond to this thread, but you sound so sad...

Fears of abandonment are awful. I lived with them most of my life due to a few childhood experiences. My father forgot me places several times. He'd get home and my mother would have a fit and they'd come find me. To top that off, my finacee died when I was 17 and my mother when I was 19. It took me till my early 30s to quit being afraid everytime someone walked out the door. I can't tell you exactly how I did it, because it was just a mix of being tired of being afraid and realizing that no matter what happened, I could handle it. It was learning to have faith in myself. You'll never manage to test him enough to make up for something you need to learn to have inside of you. Even after we grow up, there can be that soft little girl core. Let your Master take care of the adult stormi. You need to learn to be the one to take care of that inner you, rather than expecting someone else to fill that need. Some professional help with figuring out how to heal old fears/wounds and figuring out how to quit needing the external to heal the internal might be very useful to you.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to stormiKnightBEAR)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Opinions please...Kink Friendly Shrinks - 3/8/2005 7:37:50 AM

FragileRose

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

Got it. I didn't understand the context. You are fortunate to have someone with whom you can communicate. For others that want to test to the point of destroying relationships, I hope that the link on Kink Friendly Shrinks by Sensuous Sadie provides useful information. I know that in the past my own fear of abadonment and being alone seriously damaged my own relationships. At a certain point, this becomes an issue requiring professional assistance - not just compassion from the Dominant.

(in reply to stormiKnightBEAR)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Opinions please...How would you... - 3/8/2005 9:02:59 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline

Thanks for the response... but please read the response above yours carefully.

stormi is CONTENT. the biggest thing was putting a name and reason to the feelings.

The question of this thread is still:

Responses from both Masters/Dominates and submissives/slaves.

----If you are "testing" your Dominant to see if the strength is there to deal with a strong personality, are you with the right Dominant?

----If the answer is yes then why do you feel the need to "test"?

----How does one decide that the Dominant has "passed the test" and then manage to quit "testing" over and over?

----If you are active in the lifestyle do you not act like yourself all the time or are you only in "sub/slave" mode
when the Dominant is around? Note: the exception to this question for stormi would be work or vanilla settings.
That said even in vanilla settings it is still stormi's job to serve Master, order His meals and verify they are correct.

----What is the "attraction" to a Dominant to be tested daily? What makes a sub or slave worth the fight?

----When is it time to give up on a sub or slave that "test" you?

This girl is finding the answers she needs with the help/consent of Master.

BTW, for the record... the best days and nights in world for stormi is waking to see Master before she leaves for
work and saying good night. To know that if there is something going on you have two people who genuinely care
about you. To know that when something happens to one of them that they need you as much as you need them.
(Master and Sylverdawn were there when stormi dealt with skin cancer on her face).
THAT is the biggest bonus of being 24/7 being with Master and having a good friend/family in SD.

stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Profile

Post #: 12