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ShiftedJewel -> Honesty (my ramblings) (3/7/2005 12:41:28 PM)
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I often go off on little tangents such as this, only this time I decided to share it with you wonderful people.... do you feel special yet? lol
Honesty, one of my favorite subjects. To be honest is to be truthful, sometimes painfully so. A lie is always detrimental, even for the best intentions. As far as I am concerned when someone lies to me they are saying so much more then just the lie, they are saying that they don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth or that they believe me too be to stupid to know they are lying to me. In that light it’s easy to see why it is always best to tell me the truth and risk hurting my feelings then to lie to me and most definitely insult me. A single lie is a foundation stone on which future lies must be built upon. Even the smallest of lies will grow in proportion over time. Maybe it’s because honesty comes easy to me that I believe it to be easy for others. In my mind I see a lie as excess waste, taking up precious space in my mind. In such a busy world it’s all but impossible to remember things as they really are or were, let alone having to remember what you lie about to begin with. So in that respect I tell people that I am honest because I’m too lazy to remember a lie.
Honesty begins at home. You have to be honest with yourself; you have to know how you really feel about any given thing and then not be afraid to say it. Dig deep inside and discover who you are and what you expect of yourself and be honest about it. Never compromise yourself for the sake of others. I may not always agree with the opinions of others, just as I may not always like the way someone else carries themselves or their manner of speaking, but I will always respect them for their honesty.
Discovering the honest truth about yourself is only one step, you may know your own heart and mind in every respect, but how you present that to others is a whole different animal. There is a fine line between arrogant and honest and too often it is unknowingly crossed. In a face to face conversation it’s easier to be honest and to tell if someone else is being honest as well, you have the facial expressions, the tone of voice and the look in the eyes to gauge by. Online is totally different, to show your honesty you have to be consistent in you actions and words, sincere, and straight forward with out stepping into being arrogant. Just because you know you are being totally honest doesn’t mean the rest of the world does.
Honesty is a vital part of communication, only when you are able to be completely honest with not just yourself, but with others, can you hope to reach a pinnacle in your relationship. In the D/s or M/s world honesty plays a big part of any relationship. Without it you risk everything from missing out on a truly wonderful scene to endangering yourself or others. In my opinion many are not totally honest out of fear. Whether it’s the fear of what society will think of them or the fear that the actual needs and desires we feel will not match up to our partners, it is very real. But in the same respect, how can we be happy if we are unable to voice that part of ourselves? I understand that when we love someone we want only to see them happy, a selfless part of us feels that it’s ok to “sacrifice” some of our own needs, wants and desires in order to achieve that. But isn’t it a two way street? The ones that love us feel the same way, so, knowing that; isn’t it also our responsibility to share those feelings with them?
Then, at the other end of the spectrum, there is deceit; the blatant disregard for honesty. To deceive someone is to mislead, betray, or take advantage of another, to be insincere and hypocritical. These are the ones that cause more damage to others then perhaps even they can’t comprehend, not to mention the damage they cause themselves. How high can your self-esteem be if you feel you have to live a lie?
It’s only words, whether spoken or typed; the choice to believe them is up to the person on the receiving end. In every person there is the inherent need to reach out, to form a bond with another, to trust and be trusted, to be believed in and to believe in others. Unfortunately duplicitous individuals have proven just cause to be suspicious and uneasy of others and their intentions. Because of that and because of the overbearing weight of society and what they say is “okay” or “normal”, this lifestyle has had to hide behind secrets and closed doors. It’s difficult enough to make a connection with others that have the same needs and desires with out having to wade through endless falsehoods, misrepresentations and outright lies. Our words and actions are our only means of communicating who and what we truly are, it is the way others see us and will remember us, words are our legacy. Choosing to present ourselves in an open and honest light is a choice we all have to make.
Jewel
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