how has your past defined who you are today

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craftywulf -> how has your past defined who you are today (3/7/2005 4:37:54 PM)
i am new to collarme but not new to life and the herts it can bring.I never knew why i always felt at ease when people put me down and why i had the intrest in BDSM that i have always had .But as i read the posts in here and learn it has opend a part of me that i forgot as a clild.I felt as a child if i wasent being disaplined i wasent being loved you see that was the only love that was shown in my house so now as i see the real submissive in me come out i am feeling more at home with who i am.How do others feel about the past and how it has shaped your life.

cdreams -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/7/2005 6:17:46 PM)
Oh Boy is that a question, and one I have been giving alot of thought to lately. Being somewhat newer to the lifestyle and also being 42, I been doing alot of soulsearching and trying to put my life into perspective. I grew up in a very abusive household, ruled by a VERY controlling abusive father. You obeyed or else you felt his belt, which I can still feel the sting of to this day. My mother was very subserviant, and I resented her for it most of my life, tho I emulate her in some ways with my submissivness. I grew up knowing strict rules, and often hated my father for the abuse he put all us girls thru. I reached out to boys (as a teenager) and men for that love and acceptance I needed from a man. I gave myself easily and freely, longing to please each one as best I could. I became a true slut. I was raped 3 times before I was 17. I then married a man who was very much like my father, very controlling without the physical abuse, his was all mental. Yet still I longed for something I didnt then understand, a control different from what I knew, I longed to give myself and be used, yet loved and appreciated for all I did have to give. My husband was very closed minded and so very vanilla, he couldnt give me what in my heart I knew I needed, Dominated. I ran away once durring my marriage with a Dom I met online and had talked to for months. We ran to Vt and He used and Dominated me like I never imagined. I gave myself so freely yet so completely, alas it ended a month later and I was forced back into my vanilla life. After that I knew what I was and needed, and I left my marriage in search of that. Since I divorced 3 yrs ago I have been exploring my submissive side and now have finally after supressing it for so long, had my 1st meeting with my Sir last night. I am so fulfilled right now, so full of lov for my Sir I feel high. Tho I resent my father for being the bastard he is, I also am thankful for without his strict upbringing, I dont think I would be who and what I am today and as happy as I feel right now. May he burn in the cooler side of hell. lovya all ~cdreams~

knees2you -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 1:11:16 PM)
I have always been Submissive! I just never new I could use it.[&:] Someone having Control over me, and Me getting flogged! MMMMMmm~[:D] Sincerely, ant[;)] quote: My insides where Raging, But my outsides where as tight as Drum!

sub4hire -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 1:18:34 PM)
It really hasn't. I am the same person today as I was when I was 4. Nothing dramatic happened to change my life. I don't believe anything could have to make me a different person than I am today.

craftywulf -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 1:36:33 PM)
Interesting because i can look back on my life now and see how my thoughts were shaped.when a person gets the switch every day and no love is shown and they are told they wont amount to anything i know for me it has defined the person that i have become.What i found hard to deal with was the roal i should play as a man you see on the one hand men in general are told to take charge and be tuff on the other i was taught i was less than and i needed to feel pain to get attention.Now if that isent mind controal i dont know what is i know it totaly confuesed me for most of my life and i am just now beginning to understand myself better.O yea i am finaley happy now that i know who i am and why and i dont blame anyone thats just the hand that was delt me.

knees2you -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 1:51:09 PM)
That last post was Awesome. I couldn't have said it better? I don't blame anybody else any more! I'm just delt with what I have~ Sincerely, ant[;)] quote: "I want to be over there, Way over there!"

fencerpet19 -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 2:54:26 PM)
I have felt this way my entire life, as far back as I can remember. I had a somewhat abusive father, not physically (he'd only spank me on occasions), but verbally. He made me feel worthless, and it wasn't until my mom divorced him a year ago (it was actually just finalized last Friday) that I started to feel independant and free and in a way, older. However, I know that when I was little I would always get off to things that embarrassed me (getting spanked and such) because I didn't really know what sex was, and boys didn't turn me on yet. And that mentality stuck with me. grin ah, all those teachers in middle school and high school that I fantasized about! Last dec. I found out about this lifestyle, and that fantasy finally came true! i am so happy to finally fit in somewhere! ~FP

RiotGirl -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 3:06:49 PM)
Access denied. Not allowed to have personal information to throw in my face at a later time.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 3:17:52 PM)
Every person that has touched my life in even the smallest way has contributed to who and what I am today. Yes I've suffered abuse, but I've also enjoyed great loves. Because there have been so many threads on this subject lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about the possibility of abuse having something to do with the lifestyle I've chosen and I've come to the conclusion that it didn't, not at all. Instead I see this lifestyle as artistic and erotic. I've watched some amazing scenes and looking back on them, the thing that held me mezmerized what the artistry of it. I've always been drawn to the arts, whether written, draw or acted out so it only makes sense that the reason I have chosen this for a lifestyle is because it combines two of my favorite things, the artistry and eroticism played out in real life. Jewel

domtimothy46176 -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 4:00:57 PM)
I was a latch-key kid back in the '70s when it was simply 'running wild'. Brought up in poverty by my mother and an endless procession of step-fathers, I learned little of values, honesty, integrity or honor. Piece by piece, I remade myself over the years, learning more through trial and error than the mostly unheeded the advice of those older and wiser. Bit by bit, I came to understand the importance and satisfaction of living my life according to a strong moral code. I'm still the eternal optimist and I still under-estimate the evil people are willing to engage in but I rest easy at night in the knowledge that I have conquored my inner demons and am finally living as the man I need to be. Being lied to and cheated on have taught me that deceit and needless cruelty have no place in my life. Being a single parent has taught me patience and the value of living up to my commitments. From heartache, I've learned the vaue of love. From sorrow, I've learned the value of happiness. Everything I am is based upon the lessons I've learned over the years. My past has made me who I am today and as painful as it was, I am a better man for having risen above it. Timothy

RiotGirl -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 5:16:19 PM)
Access denied. Not allowed to have personal information to throw in my face at a later time.

gretchen -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 5:35:28 PM)
I was raised in a very loving latin family, so, I never felt real abuse coming from my parents. But I centainly hated (and still hate) making them suffer or getting worry about me. I loved every time I was being told what to do and me doing it in such a perfect (or try to do it the best I could) way, that I could feel their happiness and proud of having me as their daughter. That was my own discipline. I´ve been like this my whole life. I have never regret my actions, and I have never felt used. I´m just trying to do my best to make everybody a little bit happier. I also know the diference between an abuser and somebody who really deserves my best efforts. gretchen

GreyStorm -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/8/2005 5:42:32 PM)
I believe every incident in my life has helped make and shape me into the person who is typing this post right now. I see no other way things can be.

liljoy -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/9/2005 7:22:09 AM)
Gloria, i'm sorry i just don't see how that can be. Even if you've had a fairytale life wouldn't that shape how you react to things? i see how we react to things as part of what and who we are. i was raised in an abusive family. i am also a rape survivor. These things changed me. i have no doubt. i am a stronger person because of it. Everytime i've pushed through and accomplished something new or bigger, i've grown as a person. Every challenge i've faced no matter the out come has shaped who and what iam today. quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire It really hasn't. I am the same person today as I was when I was 4. Nothing dramatic happened to change my life. I don't believe anything could have to make me a different person than I am today.

craftywulf -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/9/2005 8:26:26 AM)
Liljoy i feel the same way you know every time i have been hert and worked through whatever the problem i have had to face i have always came out stronger because of that experance.But every chalange that i have gone through weather good or bad has changed me one way or the other .For me i now can see that the younger i was when thinge happened the harder it has been to get to the bottom of the problem but thies things are slowley comming to the surface and i am dealing with thies issues.for the first time in my life i am comfortable with who i am

ScooterTrash -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/9/2005 5:03:13 PM)
I do believe that influences throughout your journey in life..do have some influence. This could be bad, or this could be good. I was adopted so I had somewhat of an identity crisis..perhaps that is why I make sure if I want you to know me..I make sure you REALLY know me. I was disciplined sternly by my adoptive mother when I was a child..I think this is why I hate to get into confrontations unless I am certain I am right...perhaps afraid someone will whip my ass..lol, who knows. My parents did go to work every day, sick or not, I do the same. But mostly, relating to the D/s end of this. I was in two prior relationships where the "wife" tried to rule the roost...which generally meant my needs were not fulfilled and the bills weren't paid and the home was a disaster area, etc. After being in that environment for extended periods of time...you bail...but only to not know what you were looking for. Ta Da...one day a light bulb goes off and I realized I not only wanted control..I needed it, not only for pleasure, but for survival. But..of course I was accustomed to being around controlling women..hmmm. I found my niche with a Domme who was willing to share power..talk about having your cake and eating it to..lol. But it is a direct result of prior experiences in my mind..I had to have control but wanted to be around someone that also had that same need.

willing2serve -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/9/2005 5:19:32 PM)
quote: How do others feel about the past and how it has shaped your life. Thank you for a very thought provoking question.... My life has had storms like everyone elses, but no significant amount of abuse or turmoil..I have been very fortunate and blessed...I do see my life has been like a puzzle...each person, place and thing putting the corners together first and now the middle is forming a beautiful picture, my masterpiece of my life portraying my journey to a slave's heart and being the best person I can possibly be. Respectfully, Willing2serve1

mergingdreams -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/11/2005 9:13:35 AM)
I was raised in a very loving home. My parents are a blessing and one I am continually grateful for. My Mum and I are best friends and tis a wonderful thing. I did however grow up in a home that was structured and olde fashioned. My Mum's parents were english and My fathers french. Yes, my problem is I am at war with myself lol. What I didn't realise until about 4 years ago was what my needs were and what they were called. I made some poor choices in relationships because I was seeking control from my mate. Alas not understanding that need and not knowing what it meant I choose men who were controling yet not in control of themselves. After my divorce 5 years ago I spent time to really get to know me. Took me about a year to see the paterns in my relationships and another year to determine what they meant and why they did not work out. Smiles .. I met a wonderful Dom who was simply a friend and mentor one who helped me by directing my attention to books, sites, and answering questions. I will be eternally grateful for that. I am still novice in the lifestyle, have done a lot of reading and research before moving into a real time training with a Dom. I am moving slowly since I have found this is an important part of my life and feel as such needs to be taken seriously and with thought. As I have gotten older I have learned one important thing... lol I thought I knew it all at 16 ... and at 38 I realize I know very little yet have forgotten more than I knew at 16 ......... keeps me on my toes. ~MD~

FragileRose -> RE: how has your past defined who you are today (3/11/2005 7:13:18 PM)
quote: Original: Mergingdreams What I didn't realise until about 4 years ago was what my needs were and what they were called. I made some poor choices in relationships because I was seeking control from my mate. Alas not understanding that need and not knowing what it meant I choose men who were controling yet not in control of themselves. quote: Original: Mergingdreams Smiles .. I met a wonderful Dom who was simply a friend and mentor one who helped me by directing my attention to books, sites, and answering questions. I will be eternally grateful for that. quote: Original: Mergingdreams I am still novice in the lifestyle, have done a lot of reading and research before moving into a real time training with a Dom. I am moving slowly since I have found this is an important part of my life and feel as such needs to be taken seriously and with thought. Mergingdreams - I really related to what you had to say. I grew up in a loving home, too. There were troubles, but I don't believe I was abused. I too made awful choices by picking men that were controlling without being in control of themselves! I too have befriended a Dom that serves as Mentor and friend - and long distance Master with obvious limits on what we can do together. I believe you are so correct in saying that this important part of your life should be taken seriously and with great thought. I feel the same way! About my own submissive tendancies, which I just discovered recently: I realized recently that I was rewarded constantly for being the "perfect" child, so I have always been serving those around me. I don't view D/s as a battle for power with a winner or loser, but as the merging of complementary forces. It is a Jungian view, really.

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