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TFTB - 2/5/2007 10:49:43 PM

coca

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Have you ever been guilty of Toping from the bottom ?

hmm , i have some answers and some questions about TFTB.

(if thinking as a very obedient submissive ) yes i shouldnt ask too many things from my Owner, because as a sub, i shouldnt ask demands or not trying to tell what i want to have and impress it. if i am thinking this way i feel guilty...

(if thinking as a not a very obedient submissive) no i should ask my demands , why i shouldnt ask them if my mind is looking for them and my owner is allowing me to ask them.
and my owner, She wants to know what i am thinking and what i need etc.so in this perspective when i am topping and asking something in a nice way of course i can ask.., i dont feel guilty
maybe i am more experienced about BDSM and maybe i researched more about some area before ??.Why shouldnt i ask for it to try or to open that subject??

Some of You might think , although i know more and better as a sub i shoulnd ask it.. (yes , its right....but IMO it depends on the Owners. Some of them dont allow , some of them do..)

in short , if a sub has something in mind , he or she tries to tell and explain it to the Owner , after this point the control is not in their hands. When the Owner feels it and wants to stop it , it will stop whether the sub try to topping or not :) But if the Owner dont feel this topping , i think subs has the right for topping.

Why i said subs has the right?

Here are some reasons:
-The Domme allows him to do it
-The Domme is not suitable for this sub because can not control him totally , and sub is controlling the situation and asking hiddenly or maybe openly the demands
-The Domme is unexperienced and dont feel the topping yet and how to stop Her sub She doesnt know?

So another question: What do You think , if Domme is forgetting to remind the sub who is he and how he should behave? And sub begins to be spoiled...
Do You think sub has the right and asking The Domme to not forget reminding him these kind of things? Do You think it is topping again?????

regards
coca

Post #: 1

RE: TFTB - 2/5/2007 11:14:15 PM

MissDiscipline

Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline

I have been approached by so many subs/slaves " dying to submit and serve such a powerful Domme, such as Myself". All they want from Me is to do everything on their list and then of serve Me completely , casting all their desires to the left. Maybe their profile should read " Very very very super very submissive sub ISO an even more submissive domme- Ya think!

(in reply to coca)

Post #: 2

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 12:38:13 AM

coca

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

here in this thread there are some thoughts as well :
maybe i should have written there?? http://www.collarchat.com/m_779482/tm.htm

addition to all:
IMO with communication everything can solve..
and i am sooo lucky to be owned by my Mitsress- LadyMarmalade1 because She is letting me to tell everything what i am thinking and we have great communication...

Regards
coca

(in reply to MissDiscipline)

Post #: 3

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 2:42:05 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

coca
maybe i am more experienced about BDSM and maybe i researched more about some area before ??.Why shouldnt i ask for it to try or to open that subject??
Some of You might think , although i know more and better as a sub i shoulnd ask it.. (yes , its right....but IMO it depends on the Owners. Some of them dont allow , some of them do..)

I was going to comment on this then thought about it
What I had to say is better left unsaid

Good luck

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 2/6/2007 2:44:12 AM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to coca)

Post #: 4

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 4:36:02 AM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

In MY mind communicating your needs, wants and desires is not topping from the bottom it is simply communicating. It is up to the Dom/ Master to decide what to do with the things you communicate. It only becomes topping from the bottom when you try to manipulate the Dom in anyway to do the things you want .

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to coca)

Post #: 5

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 4:57:44 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

In MY mind communicating your needs, wants and desires is not topping from the bottom it is simply communicating. It is up to the Dom/ Master to decide what to do with the things you communicate. It only becomes topping from the bottom when you try to manipulate the Dom in anyway to do the things you want .

BINGO. For this reason, I always wait a few days before I do anything my sub would like me to do, if I have the desire to do so. But, it's always my choice as to if, when, where and how. That way, there is no question of who is in charge and this acts as a safeguard in case manipulation was intended and I missed the cue (which doesn't happen very often).

(in reply to LaMspeach)

Post #: 6

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 6:31:58 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: coca

Have you ever been guilty of Toping from the bottom ?

hmm , i have some answers and some questions about TFTB.

(if thinking as a very obedient submissive ) yes i shouldnt ask too many things from my Owner, because as a sub, i shouldnt ask demands or not trying to tell what i want to have and impress it. if i am thinking this way i feel guilty...

(if thinking as a not a very obedient submissive) no i should ask my demands , why i shouldnt ask them if my mind is looking for them and my owner is allowing me to ask them.
and my owner, She wants to know what i am thinking and what i need etc.so in this perspective when i am topping and asking something in a nice way of course i can ask.., i dont feel guilty
maybe i am more experienced about BDSM and maybe i researched more about some area before ??.Why shouldnt i ask for it to try or to open that subject??

Some of You might think , although i know more and better as a sub i shoulnd ask it.. (yes , its right....but IMO it depends on the Owners. Some of them dont allow , some of them do..)

in short , if a sub has something in mind , he or she tries to tell and explain it to the Owner , after this point the control is not in their hands. When the Owner feels it and wants to stop it , it will stop whether the sub try to topping or not :) But if the Owner dont feel this topping , i think subs has the right for topping.

Why i said subs has the right?

Here are some reasons:
-The Domme allows him to do it
-The Domme is not suitable for this sub because can not control him totally , and sub is controlling the situation and asking hiddenly or maybe openly the demands
-The Domme is unexperienced and dont feel the topping yet and how to stop Her sub She doesnt know?

So another question: What do You think , if Domme is forgetting to remind the sub who is he and how he should behave? And sub begins to be spoiled...
Do You think sub has the right and asking The Domme to not forget reminding him these kind of things? Do You think it is topping again?????

regards
coca

I'm sure that if I haven't at some point I will be insecure and attempt to. All your examples of topping from the bottom are various things my Dominant requires me to do. I have to give feedback, suggestions, and my general opinion about what we are doing. He wants in my head and communication is vital for that. In general, I am allowed and encouraged to make my wants and desires known. I just have to keep in mind that it is ultimately his decision. Allowing him access to that information makes it easier for him to give me pleasure when he wants to. I think if you -constantly- need to be reminded about your position in a relationship and it isn't relatively new then you have some serious thinking to do. However, it is not unreasonable to ask for help in maintaining that mind set when you are having a hard time.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to coca)

Post #: 7

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 6:45:08 AM

bearincuffs

Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

IMO if a sub has something on his/her mind, it's best to communicate that to their Mistress/Master. I don't see how that couldl be topping from the bottom at all. I believe that most Doms do want to know what their subs are thinking and frequently ask the subs to voice these thoughts. The control still remains with the Doms since they still decides if the thoughts are valid enough to consider or not. Any demands or requests may be granted ONLY at the discretion of the Dom at their choosing.

I'm wondering if maybe it is the sub who should be reminding itself to act and behave accordingly. Part of our growth as a sub/slave is to try the best we can to serve our Owner. We still retain independant thought but our desire and need to serve supercedes this. If a Dom is "forgetful" about reminding the sub/slave of its place, that could be due to many other reasons at that time. Stress from work, family crisis or tension, etc.

Granted we all wanted to be spoiled and try to get away with as much as we can! But we also have to pull our weight to maintain a healthy and viable Dom/sub relationship.

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to coca)

Post #: 8

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 8:00:10 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

In MY mind communicating your needs, wants and desires is not topping from the bottom it is simply communicating. It is up to the Dom/ Master to decide what to do with the things you communicate. It only becomes topping from the bottom when you try to manipulate the Dom in anyway to do the things you want .

exactly.

(in reply to LaMspeach)

Post #: 9

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 8:26:39 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I don't think communutation your needs to your Master/Mistress is wrong. One day i asked Master if he would put me in bondage. He did do it but not that day he did it when he wanted and how he wanted. So it was my need it was his choice when and how to do it. Talking about needs and wants is not topping from the bottom it is giving your Master/Mistress a look into your mind. Making demands of course is a whole other ball game.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 10

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 8:51:27 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

So another question: What do You think , if Domme is forgetting to remind the sub who is he and how he should behave? And sub begins to be spoiled...
Do You think sub has the right and asking The Domme to not forget reminding him these kind of things? Do You think it is topping again?????

I think that the sub should communicate with the mistress. I do not think this is topping from the bottom.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/6/2007 8:53:54 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to coca)

Post #: 11

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 9:03:31 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i've been quilty of TFTB if i'm heated argument with Daddy because there are times when i would speak to Him as Doctor *his first name* and forget He's my Daddy Dom. yet i'm free to communicate my needs to Him though He does have the final decision to say "yea" or "nay" unless He's craving the same too.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 12:59:57 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I'm not sure what *demanding and asking* has to do with obedience, to begin with. If I'm demanding in some way, it's pointed out and I'm told not to be. If I actually demanded something, apart from the fact that I consider it rude(why not ask?),.....I'd get a swift clout.

I see nothing in *asking* that has anything to do with obedience or topping from the bottom.

agirl

(in reply to coca)

Post #: 13

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 1:06:38 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

OK whats with all the rash of thread about topping from the bottom??? I still dont think it exists!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 14

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 1:08:13 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Magik you ever say "Ouch too deep?"

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 15

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 1:13:47 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Magik you ever say "Ouch too deep?"

LOL I deffinetly think that may have to fall under the catigory of TMI!!!!

(pssst but between you and me Loki Sir no I never said that hehehe)

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 2/6/2007 1:15:22 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 16

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 1:15:54 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

LMAO!

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 17

RE: TFTB - 2/6/2007 1:18:47 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

LMAO!

(grins)

Now what could possably be so funny Sir???

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 18

RE: TFTB - 2/12/2007 7:02:40 PM

JasonF

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline

I tell JC all the time that she HAS to let me know what's good or what's bad. It doesn't mean I'm only going to do the good, it just means that I know what I'm doing when I'm doing it.

What's the fun of making her miserable if I can't know she's being miserable :P.

Seriously, knowing what's going on between the two ears is massively important to a mindfuck. I couldn't be in a "top-down communication" relationship -- gotta flow both ways for me.

_____________________________

Jay
TNG-NC Council Member
engaged to my girl, junecleaver

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: TFTB - 2/12/2007 7:10:49 PM

ladychatterley

Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

I get panic attacks sometimes. I don't consciously try to cause them--I feel shitty for at least a day after I have one, but I wonder if 10% of it is TFTB. Intellectually, I think I ought to be able to better control my breathing so it doesn't happen, but when I'm in the thick of things, it is a different situation and what seems so easy as a hypothetical is anything but in practice.

(in reply to JasonF)

Post #: 20

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