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Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 8:12:19 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		For those of you who identify as slave—what do you believe is the motivation behind your desire to be slave or the basis for your orientation as slave?
 
this is not intended to be a discussion about the “correct” or “right” definition of slave, or if those who do indeed identify as such could pass a mental health exam with flying colors.
 
your definition is definitely welcome and valid as it applies to your response, but this question comes from a curiosity as to what has brought others to the point in their lives where they feel that the word “slave” is an accurate self-identifier, not as a bone of contention or an attempt to make any horses raise from the dead for another beating.
 
beth
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 8:22:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
For those of you who identify as slave—what do you believe is the motivation behind your desire to be slave or the basis for your orientation as slave?

It's not a desire, or at least it wasn't to begin with.  The first time someone tried to apply the label of slave to me, I was very against it.  No way, not me, that's way too much responsibility and depth for what I want.  Granted, the guy was just one of those dudes who want to make you feel all fuzzy by making you sound special, but the conversation still took place.

Over time as I learned more about what the terms were, how they were used, what my options were, I realized that I just didn't fit in a relationship where I set my particular limits, negotiated, or kept some failsafe back.  I simply gravitated towards relationships in which it was all taken and there was no ultimate authority remaining on my end.  Once I took responsibility for that within myself and towards maintaining relationships in that place, it just seemed the right label to use.

Oddly enough, as I grew into my dominance, the slave of me remained unaffected.  Perhaps because it was my master who was the one encouraging me to explore my dominance, but for whatever reason, I never had the experience of "losing" anything of myself as a slave as I became a dominant as well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 8:54:57 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		good question beth!

i was the ripe old age of 18 when i realized that i wanted and needed to be a slave. why? because it was the only term and the only relationship-type feasibly available to me, living in the ultra modern, politically correct united states of america in 1999. i've known from very early on that i desired a "different" sort of relationship, and that i had "different" needs than i heard others speaking of, although i didn't know the terminology.

as soon as i learned about the term "submissive", a light bulb went off in my head like oh! so THAT explains it!...all my struggles, all my seemingly strange ways...it made sense to me all of a sudden. but just as quickly as i realized that i was submissive, i understood that the only sort of relationship that would be fulfilling to me was one in which i was completely owned and controlled by my Partner...totally powerless...his to use and mold to his desires, without limit. it just turned out that "slave" fit those needs and desires.

but, i've never defined myself around the "lifestyle." i could just as happily be a "wife" in an orthodox islamic country and society, and live much the same life with the same needs being met. and in fact, because my SO at the time of my "self discovery" was a fairly devout muslim, i was strongly considering converting to islam because i have always believed in my heart that as a female, my place in life is to be in subservience to men, that if i were to have a husband i would be his property for him to use as he wished. the lack of freedom the females have in orthodox communities has always seemed like heaven on earth to me. my only "hang up" was the whole god thing, and well that's kind of a biggie lol. fortunately, i was led to D/s, and found that such a way of life was possible without the religious aspects. but at heart i'm an old fashioned, sexist kinda gal that still believes in a woman's place and all other such unpopular, taboo things for an american. but rather than idealizing the 1950s type model of june cleaver, the more archaeic religious models, where a female is considered property from the day she is born, first of her father then of her husband...has always felt more right and natural to me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 9:15:15 AM   
asassylilslave


Posts: 93
Status: offline 		For myself, I have never called myself a slave, mainly because I tend to question things too much and too often. However, I have never been with someone either who inspired such deep, and total feelings of trust. Perhaps one day, when the time is right, I will reach that plateau; until then, I am quite content with just calling myself me  
 
It is a thought provoking question though

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 9:43:19 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Without going too much into a definition thing, the best way too put it was I have zero ability when living in this life to be able to make distinction between I have control or say in this but no control and say in this outside of my job and family. For me having to negotiate, do and live that would just be way too stressful and defeat all the great things this life is to me.

The other way I found myself different from subs was in the play areas. I simply have never found pleasure in the acts themselves, what type of toys are used on me, what I got out of something done and things like that. In fact one of the worse feelings in the world is when getting played with knowing they are only doing this or that because they think you expect this from them or they just assume you want it and they are not doing it for themselves which can include if they want to do something they know I like.

My pleasure in this area is the physical show of power by my Master and his enjoyment without concern for mine and him doing things because he can, to show me my place and to show my devotion to him.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to asassylilslave)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 10:10:46 AM   
nightrosemom


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asassylilslave

For myself, I have never called myself a slave, mainly because I tend to question things too much and too often. However, I have never been with someone either who inspired such deep, and total feelings of trust. Perhaps one day, when the time is right, I will reach that plateau; until then, I am quite content with just calling myself me  
 
It is a thought provoking question though



just one question....why is your name "asassylilslave"


to answer the question.
i agree with daddysprop24, i dont define myself around what the lifestyle says a slave is, i tried, and all it did was cause tears and heartbreak because i didnt think i was good enough. i call myself a slave because that is what i want....slavery....the limits i have, are agreed upon by both Master and i, i give myself fully to Him, i am His property....grantid, there are some things about our relationship that people would place me in the catagory of a submissive, however, like i stated, i no longer try to mold to the lifestyle, instead, we mold the lifestyle to us.

(in reply to asassylilslave)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 10:48:14 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

For those of you who identify as slave—what do you believe is the motivation behind your desire to be slave or the basis for your orientation as slave?

beth



Hello beth,

I use the term *slave* because I am owned. In bdsm arena's it's what I'd mostly be identified as. I don't have *slave-like* tendencies, nor do I have a submissive nature.

As for motivation .......There are a few reasons why I chose it:

The simplicity;   I like the fact that I know exactly where I am, there aren't the subtle power struggles that I've been accustomed to.
In a way, I like clarity in quite an extreme way, to be comfortable.

M himself;  He inspired me to follow him years before I became his.

The sheer challenge of it;   I like things to be easy but don't appreciate it when they are. I find this a difficult way to live in many ways but it's a *good* difficulty, not a bad or destructive one. It pushes me.

I suppose I've really said that I'm not a slave but I live as one, which maybe isn't what you asked.........lol

agirl








(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 10:51:51 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		Quite honestly, because it's what someone else started calling me a long time ago, and I didn't know enough to say 'that isn't me'.  Now, years later, I'm no longer concerned with trying to fit into some pre-defined set of standards.  Been there, done that, grown passed it.

Loraith calls me His slave.  Beyond that, it doesn't really matter anymore.

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to nightrosemom)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 11:10:20 AM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,

For me, i first begged to be a slave after leaving home and staying with someone who owned two slaves. After watching the interactions and how He was with the slaves it was like something inside me said "i want that" Of course i was turned down at first due to my age at the time but He finally later relented and i have never looked back. When He clicked that collar around my neck it was like for the first time i knew in my heart what i was and where i wanted to be in life. Many talk about the fire in the belly feeling, for me it was just like that. i will be the first to admit being a slave is not easy nor is it all about sex, love, and rock-n-roll...it can be dang hard work sometimes but for me to serve my Master be it by keeping a clean house, to rubbing His shoulders, or yes even sexually, makes me happy and content. During a small spell when i was trying to live in the vanillia world i was merisable and many times felt depressed or anxious as i was trying to be something i am not. So for me, to commit myself into total bondage and slavery to my Master is the difference of feeling alive inside and feeling dead or lost inside. Slavery = me. It is who and what i am.

viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 11:24:00 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

For those of you who identify as slave—what do you believe is the motivation behind your desire to be slave or the basis for your orientation as slave?
 
this is not intended to be a discussion about the “correct” or “right” definition of slave, or if those who do indeed identify as such could pass a mental health exam with flying colors.
 
your definition is definitely welcome and valid as it applies to your response, but this question comes from a curiosity as to what has brought others to the point in their lives where they feel that the word “slave” is an accurate self-identifier, not as a bone of contention or an attempt to make any horses raise from the dead for another beating.
 
beth


I guess it was when I found myself in my current relationship and realized that the way it was structured was one that I was his and owned by him.  Its really just the best descriptor to our relationship (I think there may be other words but its probably the one that cuts to the core of what we are).

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 12:03:11 PM   
mogigo


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		It all comes down to me pleasing another, that look on their face, that sound in their voice. Nothing, I repeat nothing turns me on more than seeing the look on their face. If they're not loving it, then I don't want anything to do with it. The only pleasure I get is from they're pleasure.

I'm not allowed to feel pleasure unless they are.

Mike

_____________________________

The goggles they do nothing - Radioactive Man

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 1:20:34 PM   
DaDasBiLilFaerie


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

My pleasure in this area is the physical show of power by my Master and his enjoyment without concern for mine and him doing things because he can, to show me my place and to show my devotion to him.



Its almost like you knew exactly how I thought, I couldn't have done better.
 
When I knew that I wanted to give everything up to one person..not have control over my life..wanted to give pleasure (its where I get mine).. when I knew I couldn't think of one day not serving my Master (it made me sad)..  when I was ready to call him Master and accept his collar...there was no going back for me.
 
I was a slave before Master... but he completes that in me like none before.
 


_____________________________

~Baby Doll
"Daddys darling angel and sweet slut."

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 4:30:41 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

For those of you who identify as slave—what do you believe is the motivation behind your desire to be slave or the basis for your orientation as slave?


as i've mentioned elsewhere and in my profile, i feel i identify as a slave, but He uses the term submissive, so that's how i generally refer to myself. i tend to go back and forth in posts just depending, though, because i personally don't really make a distinction. i pay attention to others' distinctions because it makes for ease of discussion.

disclaimer aside...i think the reason i personally identify as a slave is because i just...am not comfortable giving parts of myself up and holding others back. if i give up control, i give up -all- control...i don't feel it's right or comfortable to do anything else, at least not for me. He chooses to allow me to make certain decisions, mainly because He doesn't want to micromanage my life, but that doesn't mean that He couldn't exert His control over those things if He wanted. i love pleasing, in general, in all kinds of ways, and when i find someone with whom i can share that joy in myself without worry because of the depth of trust and communication, i want to throw myself into that with my whole heart.

i can't imagine losing that identification of myself regardless of the type of relationship i am in. i couldn't ever see myself seeking or being in a romantic relationship that wasn't a complete giving over of myself to someone's ownership, mainly because i know that i would feel like i wasn't fully expressing myself or being in myself like i am when i am owned.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 5:28:57 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I am most content, at peace, and happiest when I am living within the boundaries created for me by my Master.  When my focus is on him, I am warm inside...at home.  When left to run my life on my own, I was lost and undirected.  I need those boundaries.  I need to be so pleasing to him I can feel his pride.  When I do not feel his pleasure with me, I wilt. 

I tried not submitting at all, and was completely unfulfilled - a massive emptiness that I could never remedy.  I tried submitting partially and I could not handle the balance of it, and tried to take over, which left me exhausted.  But submitting completely, belonging to somebody, and making a difference in his world, satisfies my spirit.  I can live no other way.


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 5:44:59 PM   
hot1


Posts: 455
Joined: 5/4/2004
From: Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		Strange...I don't apply slave to me...is simply what I am...not sure how you can apply a label, you are what you are.

How many actually can chose what they are...is like chosing if you are male or female.

hot1

_____________________________

come on guys...give the blond a break
Please Don't Confuse The Blond

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 5:46:12 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

The simplicity;   I like the fact that I know exactly where I am, there aren't the subtle power struggles that I've been accustomed to.

 
I very much identify with this sentiment. I was not going to respond to this thread because I am not a slave so I feel I have nothing to add to the general gist of it, but I wanted to tell you that this is partially a motivation for my submission. I have witnessed one too many power struggles in relationships, and unfortunately been involved in one or two of my own, and I did not feel comfortable with that. In fact I dislike power struggles intently.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 6:03:01 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		It is not that I desired to be a slave.  It was more coming to the realization that the term slave fit who I am in an intimate relationship. 

I remember a conversation with my mother when I was 19 or 20.  She told me that I give all of myself to my relationships, that I do not hold back and that the other person has almost complete influence over what I do.  That I will turn myself inside out to do what the other person wants.  She also told me that I needed to learn not to do that.  That I would damage myself in doing that.

Trying to stop it was like trying to stop a raging river.  I am just not able to be in an intimate relationship and have authority.  It just doesn't work.  I stopped being in relationships for a long time because of that.  I spent years learning about myself, improving myself, finding out who I was and what I wanted.  Then I decided that I deserved to be in a relationship and that is when I met my Lord.  That is when I learned that I could trust someone to be that wide open and vulnerable with and to have complete authority in my life.  That is when I learned that there was a term that described me and that I could actually be me and have a healthy relationship.

What feeds the transfer of authority with me is devotion.  It is not a desire to please or a desire to want to be controlled.  I am so devoted to my Lord and the relationship with him and alandra that leaving it would be like leaving myself behind.  They are a part of me and I am a part of them.  To live without them would be to live without my soul.  I am devoted to him and I am told that it is plain to see on my face when we are together.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 6:39:16 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

For those of you who identify as slave—what do you believe is the motivation behind your desire to be slave or the basis for your orientation as slave?
 


From a really young age (under 5) I used to have dreams that I was a slave, (god knows where that came from). Those dreams were sexually explicit and very lucid. I can even remember the names of the people in the household I was in. It was a whole network of slavery that crossed countries. They were ongoing dreams which  didn't stop till I entered my first Master/slave relationship RT. I haven't had one since.

quote:

I remember a conversation with my mother when I was 19 or 20.  She told me that I give all of myself to my relationships, that I do not hold back and that the other person has almost complete influence over what I do.  That I will turn myself inside out to do what the other person wants.  She also told me that I needed to learn not to do that.  That I would damage myself in doing that.


I can really relate to that. not only family saying that to me but the facts are even written up as part of my history within community services(was a ward of the state). An officer reporting that I was completely dominated by my first boyfriend and that he had concerns over it. (it was really weird reading that when I gained access to my files years later).

I don't know if either of these points I've mentioned are actually uncovering my motivation to be a slave, they both seem to be "products of", rather than the reason....


What motivates a 14 year old to become submissive to their partner? The dreams?
What motivates an under 5 year old to dream she is a slave?

But I guess, when I think about it I guess those experiences opened me up to a Master/slave relationship RT...yet still isn't answering the question of origin.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 7:30:10 PM   
asassylilslave


Posts: 93
Status: offline
quote:

just one question....why is your name "asassylilslave"

why would you care what my name on a forum is?

(in reply to nightrosemom)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why identify as slave? - 2/6/2007 9:21:52 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

The simplicity;   I like the fact that I know exactly where I am, there aren't the subtle power struggles that I've been accustomed to.

 
I very much identify with this sentiment. I was not going to respond to this thread because I am not a slave so I feel I have nothing to add to the general gist of it, but I wanted to tell you that this is partially a motivation for my submission. I have witnessed one too many power struggles in relationships, and unfortunately been involved in one or two of my own, and I did not feel comfortable with that. In fact I dislike power struggles intently.


this is so true. i don't do power struggles...period. i just don't understand them, really. i'm glad someone posted this...it didn't occur to me when originally posting but i think it might be a big motivator for a -lot- of submissives and slaves.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
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