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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/11/2005 7:52:26 AM

baudeight

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

people in the scene BC (Before Computers) for the most part were real, non judgemental and accepting for people knew of or whom, as well as by, the people they were speaking to or about. Unfortunately the annonimity of the internet has created a pleathora of fakers and judgemental players with closed minds.

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/11/2005 9:55:44 AM

StLouisArchAngel

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: St. Louis, MO, USA
Status: offline

Dear Brothers and Sisters,
How unfortunate that we try to impose a new orthodoxy to replace the mandatory modogamy and vise grip vanilla (one size fits all). I like my kink and helps me access deep feelings but even with a sub I have been together with for two years+ I like to make love. I am a poly switch so maybe I cann't make up my mind or maybe I like more choices. The problem with kink sometimes is that people can get lost in technique and not feelings. Once I had a dom light moment with a sub play friend. First time I meet her she let door open to appartment open I enter bathroom while she showered and just felt her around the curtain not letting her see me though she knew I was coming. She called it "memorable sex" and started a passionate. It certainly was not the strongest d/s experience she has had but does sex have to be right or wrong.
I try to be spontaneous and I don't have the money or patience for complex gear but speed, surprise, creativity count to. if sex works for vanilla or kinky then it works. I worry about becomeing so lost in kinky I become so specialized rareified I have to get into Long Distance Relationships just to get off. I have a primary vanilla partner and when I don't put a box around her that she is just there for domestic sex or vanilla
I can a little bit kinker but more importantly the vanilla works better for me, the sex works for me because I let her be more than a domestic drudge. I want to be with a partner for being with the partner not just the technique or the kink important as it is.
A BDSM relationship is at core still a relationship and people make excuses for a lot of bad behavior because it is some different. I may get a sub lady off by calling her a slut
but I don't make fun of her body. If I'm in BDSM in relationship then I'm in it and I don't just juggle a partner with e-mail dreams and head games instead of actually meeting.
Sex is not just about how vanilla or kinky it is, it is about how loving how creative how involved. I have a sub side, but if a lady just initiated sex and took the lead and had me just respond I wouldn't need Japanese rope or leather masks.
I do BDSM to get to my feelings and explore new ones. I admire people with BDSM technique and skill but I still want to be excited when a woman kisses me.
Franco
StLouisArchangel

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/26/2005 1:45:25 PM

Histeacup

Posts: 13
Joined: 12/7/2004
Status: offline

As far as I am concerned there is no way in hell that BDSM can be on line. Anyone who engages in BDSM on their computer is nothing mare than a wannabe...Mark

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/26/2005 5:41:11 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i hate the word wannabe. To some having an online relationship is enough for them, for others it can be fun now and again. For some it is the only way becouse they live long from any place other BDSM interested pepole live.

i mostly play in real life, but i have had good online sessions to, do that make me a wannabe Histeacup? and who died and made you an expert?

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/27/2005 3:56:24 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
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This is the easiest way to spot players and those who aren't comfortable with themselves. Anyone who has time to sit back and judge you on your relative role in WIIWD has A) problems managing their own confidence level, B) is struggling with where they fit, C) is a posuer or D) all of the above.

Screw 'em. People who want to sit back in judgement and make comments about me in order to elevate their own sense of self aren't people worthy of my time.

Be confident. Know who you are and where you fit here. And let those who want to cut you down to make themselves feel more 'Domly' continue to believe their own falsehoods and self deceptions. You have much better things to do.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/27/2005 4:14:01 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
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From: Norway
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Werry true Lily, it is just that somtimes it irks me to no limit when pepole deside on the alpha and omega of right and wrong for others. But i guess i should stop whit that, for that anoyment is only hurting myself.

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/27/2005 2:36:54 PM

ProtagonistLily

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quote:

Werry true Lily, it is just that somtimes it irks me to no limit when pepole deside on the alpha and omega of right and wrong for others. But i guess i should stop whit that, for that anoyment is only hurting myself.

What?

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/28/2005 1:43:17 PM

AlphaGeek

Posts: 86
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: Charlottesville, VA, but in Orlando for a temp job
Status: offline

resa,

I've seen you at at least one social, and that probably makes you more authentic than 90% of the folks on this site. Not that *I've* seen you makes you authentic (silly!), but that you've been out there in the big wide world where people are swinging floggers and such.

I somehow doubt that the same can be said of your inquisitor.

A_G

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/28/2005 2:03:58 PM

MidnightWriter

Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Histeacup

As far as I am concerned there is no way in hell that BDSM can be on line. Anyone who engages in BDSM on their computer is nothing mare than a wannabe...Mark

I dunno - I once did a R/L punishment scene via usenet.

The computer (or, to be more specific, the internet) is nothing more, or less, than a communication tool. Using that communication tool is no more or less valid than other forms of communication.

Doing any part of BDSM without communication is kinky masturbation - once you've involved others, however you reach them, it's just as valid as the participants can make it.

As an example - I'll have a houseguest next month, and that houseguest will be the owned property of someone I met over usenet, years ago. If I dropped him an email, asking for a blowjob from his slave, and he IMs her, telling her to give me one - wouldn't that be computer-facilitated BDSM?

I know R/L folks who practice "BDSM" whom I consider neophytes, fakers, and wannabes. I know people via computer who are quite real, skilled, and clueful. There is no "one type always/never works" method.

Me, I'm discussing BDSM via my computer, on a web site. That must make me a wannabe. (Well, it's TRUE - I do wanna be. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.)

Then again, you're reading it on your computer, too - does that make you a wannabe?

Anything that can be envisioned can be accomplished - even online BDSM. Deal.

_____________________________

Power corrupts. Absolute power ... is really pretty nifty.

TIES - pansexual BDSM social group in MN, USA - http://www.ties-bdsm.org

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/28/2005 7:19:26 PM

resademilo

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlphaGeek

resa,

I've seen you at at least one social, and that probably makes you more authentic than 90% of the folks on this site. Not that *I've* seen you makes you authentic (silly!), but that you've been out there in the big wide world where people are swinging floggers and such.

I somehow doubt that the same can be said of your inquisitor.

A_G

hehe thanks A_G, yeap i've been out there just never reallu shook my money maker in public. hmmm wait maybe in Denmark but since most of them speak Danish they will never tell!!!

;P

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/29/2005 6:57:08 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

resa,

I've seen you at at least one social, and that probably makes you more authentic than 90% of the folks on this site. Not that *I've* seen you makes you authentic (silly!), but that you've been out there in the big wide world where people are swinging floggers and such.

I somehow doubt that the same can be said of your inquisitor.

A_G

The bottom line here is, people are people. The same assholes in vanilla are usually the same assholes in the scene. As A_G stated, there are many folks who have never been out of their house, who for whatever reason use WIIWD purely from a 'fantasy' perspective on the internet, to fill in the holes in their lives. It's easy to sit back and be 'Master' in front of a computer. It's much more difficult to know how to act, to understand the protocols of the scene, with no experience. Therefore, these people (mostly 'Dom' men in my experiences) have a skewed idea of Domiance, confusing it with Domination rather than understanding Power Exchange. Hense, when you don't do or react exactly as they'd like, you are a fake or not really a submissive.

Don't let the bastards get you down. Recently, I had a junior Dom accuse me of not being submissive in order to rationalize his own behavior. Insecure people tend to point fingers at others in order to elevate themselves.

Lack of sincerity is not an attractive quality on either side of the whip, and I hold myself to pretty high standards and don't tolerate that kind of thing in my life. People are allowed to be as fucked up as they want, that's not my business; however, when their crap spills over into my life, it becomes my business and I walk away.

Apparently, having a brain, having opinions and having the emotional strength to challenge selfish, selfcentered men who decide the way to fix their problems is calling themselves Master are 'unsubly' qualities to these men who haven't mastered themselves.

Oh well.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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RE: Challenging A persons BDSM-ness - 3/30/2005 4:05:35 AM

Blk4u2

Posts: 45
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissP

Your BDSM is your own, no matter how hard, how long and how much you do it.

Never feel you need validation from anybody else. You don't. It's your life, live it!

Not Only should you live in BDSM that way. In general live life that way.

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Post #: 32