RE: Possessiveness Or???

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RE: Possessiveness Or??? - 3/8/2005 7:12:31 PM

onceburned

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quote:

Being bisexual, I love females and males. I never considered though playing around with "friends" as being some sort of disrespect or cheating. The two girls have doms of their own and are aware of the rare affection we three share.

Okay, I see what Taggard and M are concerned about. Intimacy is intimacy... it doesn't matter what sex the people are. Just because a person is bisexual doesn't mean they are entitled to twice as many partners. If everyone involved agrees.... fine. But it sounds as if Shay's dom doesn't want her to be intimate with anyone but him - and that is reasonable.

So it seems that Shay needs to decide whether to stay with her Dom or to find another one.

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RE: Possessiveness Or??? - 3/8/2005 7:15:33 PM

shay

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I spent a couple hours tonight on the phone with this special man, after reading the responses on the boards here and talking with my real time friends and I think maybe I am beginning to see a new side to this that I hadnt seen before and maybe it makes sense. I have always been one to make a mountain out of a molehill.

So anyway, this was the explaination I got:

In His eyes, sex has nothing to do with gender, just because I am bisexual and He is heterosexual. He wanted me to understand that in His eyes, if I am kissing, teasing, tweaking nips etc with another woman, it should be no different if He was. If its okay for me to do it with other women (being bisexual as I am) then it should be fine for Him to do that to other women as well even though He is heterosexual.

I guess I just never looked at it from that aspect..

Any opinions???

respectfully posted~
Shaylah

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RE: Possessiveness Or??? - 3/8/2005 8:12:34 PM

GentleLady

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He is right about that in My opinion. So long as He is objecting to the sexual activities that are taking place between you and your friends and not the fact that you are spending time with friends, then He is within His rights. your initial post left it unclear as to which one He was objecting to.

you posted that you had discussed the poly issue and agreed that it was not for either of you.....but having sexual activites with others (be they friends or same gender or whatever) is poly isn't it?

Gentle Lady

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RE: Possessiveness Or??? - 3/8/2005 8:16:22 PM

GreyStorm

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in my book it is.....it's on page 32, right after how to eat cheese with a fork and not look dorky.

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RE: Possessiveness Or??? - 3/9/2005 5:28:03 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady
but having sexual activites with others (be they friends or same gender or whatever) is poly isn't it?

Gentle Lady

It could be poly or swinging or just being REALLY friendly and having fun.

Poly just means intimate relationships generally, could or could not be sex and usually isn't casual.

But I agree with the point being made- if that sort of contact and sexual play crosses the line of comfort that he has then you can either respect his comfort level, or decide you don't want that restriction. Has absolutely nothing to do with whether you each prefer males or females.

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RE: Possessiveness Or??? - 3/9/2005 7:35:31 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shay
In His eyes, sex has nothing to do with gender, just because I am bisexual and He is heterosexual. He wanted me to understand that in His eyes, if I am kissing, teasing, tweaking nips etc with another woman, it should be no different if He was. If its okay for me to do it with other women (being bisexual as I am) then it should be fine for Him to do that to other women as well even though He is heterosexual.

This is a good question. It goes to the very nature of sexuality.

At the core, the question really becomes "Is your being with a woman like his being with a woman, or is your being with a woman like his being with a man?"

Would you accept his kissing and tweaking a man? Would you see that as just play between affectionate men?

If so, then I would say you have a consistent philosophy. If not, you are again being hypocritical.

That said, I don't think it really is all that easy. Bisexuality allows you to have attraction to both sexes the way a strictly heterosexual person would not. Is your attraction to women really like his attraction to men, or is it more akin to his attraction to women?

Very interesting issue...

Taggard

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RE: Possessiveness Or??? - 3/9/2005 8:49:51 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
That said, I don't think it really is all that easy. Bisexuality allows you to have attraction to both sexes the way a strictly heterosexual person would not. Is your attraction to women really like his attraction to men, or is it more akin to his attraction to women?

Ouch! Mah head Tag! ;)

There are many ways of expressing bisexuality. What comes to mind for me is those who:
- are bisexual for the purpose of exploration, often referred to as bi-curious
- are bisexual at the core, that is will engage in long term relationships with either gender (should I push the envelope and say any gender? Kate Bornstein would be so proud).
- fall in between somewhere

When I think of my own personal bisexuality, I see it as some kind of a continuum that changes based on my needs. I went through a period of dating only women, then through a period of dating only men, much to the confusion of my friends and family. At this point in my life, I am much more drawn to male energies but that doesn't discount my desire for female energy and it doesn't mean that it could not change at any given time.

Regardless of where someone fits on the Kinsey scale of sexuality, I think the more important question here is "what are you willing to give up, negotiate and what is important for you to keep in your life". Answer that question and you'll have your answer.

- LA

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Post #: 27